I finally had managed to navigate all of the hoops the government sends us older folks to get myself signed up for Medicare.
There is a plan for this and a plan for that and little "windows" that you need to sign up during or else the bill is going to be way higher.
Of course someone, probably the government, sold my name and address to every single insurance company on the face of the Earth so every day my mailbox was full of offers. Most just tacked on 20-30% to the cost and underwrote the policy, or they sent little official looking cards with account numbers, all I had to do was call.
I finally got it done, the government got a chunk of my Social Security check back, and another chunk went to cover the other policy I had to buy to pay the 20% part and things the Medicare policy wouldn't.
Then of course I needed the THIRD policy to cover any drugs I might need. One payment they just deducted from my check, the Medigap thing I had to write a check for, then the drug coverage, something about a doughnut hole whatever that is, they deducted that, too.
I read the crap about all the tiers and it's a good thing I got the "simplified" manual because I finally just gave up and signed up for something I thought I could afford.
Finally I got it all handled, I even had enough money left over for a few boxes of noodles and cheese, just add water and throw it in the microwave.
Life was just fine, I went back to getting my fishing gear into shape and looking for some beach volleyball games on cable TV. Man, they have this one team that has these two tall gals, they wear those skimpy little outfits and jump around and...
Where was I?
Oh, yea. I got this flyer from the Government, mentioning that I had a complete physical as part of my "Welcome to medicare" stuff coming.
Hell, free is a very good price and I couldn't even remember the last one I had ever had done.
I had always had that HMO thing before, every once in awhile we were supposed to go see the doc and chat about golf. If we were sick, we went to emergency. Or off to the urgent care clinic which they moved every six months so no one could find it.
After forty years in the same HMO I was pretty familiar about where everything was, but the change to Medicare meant I had to find a different doctor. I could have stayed with the HMO but their idea of the plan was for me to pay the government and then pay them, too.
Plus a nice bit extra for being old, I guess.
When I saw the amount they wanted to add me to their policy after I turned 65, I said no way and went with a private system. It was still about half of my fucking monthly check but that was better than all of it!
I called several local Doctors, every single one told me they were not accepting any new patients. After about the 5th call I was getting pissed off, why the fuck do they advertise if they aren't taking any new patients?
Finally I was referred to Community Health, I sat in the waiting room for two hours after my appointment time, surrounded by young people that didn't speak English.
It took me awhile to realize that probably every single one of them had the clap.
Or worse.
I finally saw the bored Doctor, he ordered a blood test and told me to quit smoking, then said they would schedule my physical.
Then he left the room.
After six weeks I called the clinic, they didn't know what happened to the blood test and had no record of my so-called physical. Then the lady on the phone asked me if there was anything else they could do for me today?
I hung up.
A few weeks later, I was reading the local paper. The small coastal town I live in runs a lot of stories about local politics, and I enjoyed reading them. It seemed that some lawyer was always representing a client fighting with some city commission about trying to build something somewhere. There were neat arguments over having to cut down a tree, wetlands crap, on and on.
Small towns, you just gotta love them.
Local politics gets real dirty it seems, and it sure has Judge Judy beat for entertainment.
On the second page there was a story about a new medical clinic opening up, in our little town that was news! I knew why, since I had just been through that.
I reached for the phone and called. They booked me for my first visit just two days later. I asked the receptionist what the doctor's name was, she told me I would be seeing Olivia Martens, and that she was an NP.
Whatever in the hell an "NP" is?
I turned on my computer and searched. In minutes I knew an "NP" was a Nurse Practitioner, not a doctor. I thought about that a minute, what the hell. It didn't bother me any. During my few stays in the hospital in my life I found the nurses were the only ones that ever knew anything, the doctors mostly just did what they were told.
That and chat with clients about golf once in awhile.
Next I searched the medical sites for her name, and found out where she had gone to school, where she had worked, I even searched for any complaints and there weren't any.
That sounded all right, besides, medical service in our little town was hard to come by for some reason. I could understand that, most doctors probably wanted to work up in Portland where there were lots of people and more money to be made.
I had even talked about it to a guy I know down at our local men's club when I visited to suck down a few whiskey and cokes. He told me that the easy way to find a doctor was have a heart attack, then go to emergency. Whichever doctor that showed up to deal with it was then stuck with you for life.
I laughed at that, it was funny. Then I asked him about our men's club. It had been years since I lived back down at the coast, our men's club used to have topless bartenders and we had all sorts of fun.
He just looked at me, then he told me sadly we now had a women's club that allowed men to come in, and all of the elected positions were now held by women. Some stupid court case about women's rights and all that shit.
The damn world was going to hell in a hand basket, it seemed.
I arrived for my appointment and checked in. Then I sat down, grabbed a National Geographic, figuring I might as well learn about Neanderthals while I waited.
I barely got the cover open when they called my name.
