"You can't just give up," his mother said.
"No one's giving up, Mom. I'm just...taking a break. That's all."
"Why? Just because you've had a couple of bad experiences? I know that's painful, but you're the most stubborn, persistent person I know, Phillip. Besides, you can only control what you do. What a woman does is well, up to her. So this one cheated on you. Isn't it better to find out now than after you married her?"
Doctor Phillip Rodgers, no relation to the soft-spoken, cardigan sweater-wearing man of television fame, loved his mother, but he didn't love the way she kept after him to get married. In his mind, the fact that she wanted grandchildren had no bearing on his decisions as to whom to date or when to marry. In hers however, it clearly did.
For now, he just needed some time. He needed room to think and to breath. He was only 32 and as a partner at a rather successful family practice clinic, he had no real concerns about work or finances. He was now two years completely out of debt, owned a beautiful home, drove a nice car, and could afford to wait. Yes, he did want someone to come home to each night and yes, he did want a family. For the last two years, those were the only things he really, truly still wanted in life. Were he omnipotent, he'd bring his father back to life, but as a pragmatic realist, he knew the man who'd raised him and been a role model was gone for good. Other than those things, his life was pretty amazing.
And that's what was so bitterly painful about this most recent breakup. They'd dated for over a year and he'd spent a lot of time getting to know her and thought he really did. Her parents were also doctors and she was very well-educated and as beautiful as any woman he'd ever known. And the sex had been amazing.
But for reasons known only to her, one man just wasn't enough. He'd suspected something for the last month or so but didn't know for sure until he came back a day early from a medical conference in Miami and found her in bed with another man in his house and his bed.
He didn't yell or throw things. He just quietly waited in stunned silence for the other man to hurriedly pull on his pants and shoes, grab everything else, and leave. And that's when she told him point blank there'd been others; many others almost since the time they became what he thought was exclusive. She not only didn't apologize, she told him she thought open relationships were superior to the monogamous variety. "There's no need to restrict our love to just one other person," she'd told him. "Just because I have sex with other men doesn't mean I don't love or care very deeply about you, Phillip." As unbelievable as those words were, she'd also told him he could have other lovers and that she was even open to his bringing them home to share with her!
He'd sat there and listened with total incredulity. "Are you finished?" he asked her following that last comment. She told him that she was and he quietly said, "I'm going to a hotel for the night. Please be out of my house when I come home tomorrow morning."
He paid no attention to her continued objections as she pleaded with him to be 'reasonable and open-minded.' "It's just sex, Phillip. You and I have that and so much more! With them...it's just sex. Phillip, please..." she was telling him as he picked his car keys back up and headed to the garage. His suitcase was still by the door, and he picked it up leaving her standing in the hall with a sheet loosely wrapped around her still vainly pleading her case.
That had been just over three months ago and Rodgers hadn't dated since. Between his mom, his well-meaning colleagues, and best friend, Bobby Garner, he'd had all kinds of offers to meet various other women, but he just wasn't ready.
Rodgers still couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. She was from a good family, she had no need of money so that wasn't an issue, and looking back, he still couldn't understand how he could have been so utterly mistaken.
Over the past three months, he'd re-examined every relationship he'd ever had and still couldn't find the problem. He intentionally dated women who were as like him as possible believing that the more things two people have in common, the less likely they were to disagree. That, in turn, meant less arguing and less fighting, and ostensibly, a happier marriage. And yet here he was, 32-years old, with no prospects.
'Prospects.' He laughed out loud when he thought about the word. That was how people used to refer to a woman's chances of 'finding a husband.' "Well, does she have any prospects?" is a question people would ask when they wondered why a girl hadn't gotten married by a particular age. As funny as that was to him, it really wasn't funny at all, because he honestly did yearn to love and be loved and for him, a big part of that meant having a family. Sure, he was still young and he really did have time, but he was also ready. Until now, he'd been cautious and selective. He'd patiently taken his time, followed the rules, and had still gotten burned more than once, the latest case being the worst by far.
The only conclusion he'd tentatively drawn was maybe the rules were wrong. Perhaps he should be open to other possibilities. Did a woman really need a graduate degree? How important was a 'pedigree' when having one could still result in abject disaster? Rodgers was a very good-looking man and had always dated beautiful women. But what if love was to be found in someone who was perhaps 'less than stunning' in that department? He laughed again when he thought about going all the way to the other extreme, marrying a grossly overweight, toothless woman from India who came from society's lowest social caste. "Go ugly, early," he told himself as he heard his mother saying something.
"Yes or no?" she was asking when he finally remembered the question she'd posed before he took this long trip down memory lane.
"Yes. Definitely. Had I married her and then caught her doing...you know...that would have been devastating."
"Exactly!" she replied. "Just keep being who you are and doing what you've been doing, Phillip. This last relationship didn't work out so well, but the right girl is out there just waiting to be found."
Rodgers didn't feel like arguing with his mother or even discussing the issue any further. To make her stop, he agreed with her. "You're right, Mom. I just need to keep looking."
"That's my boy!" she said. "So...what would you like for dinner?"
Rodgers steered the conversation away from dating and marriage and...grandchildren...as he and his mother did what they'd done for as long as he could remember—having Sunday dinner together.
As he excused himself early that night, he continued mulling over what went wrong and more importantly, what he could do differently to change his luck. 'Going ugly early' was a platitude, not a solution. 'Think outside the box' was just as trendy a saying, but perhaps there was some truth to it. Perhaps he'd built some kind of box for himself when it came to women and dating, and the real solution was to start looking outside of it.
"Think outside the box. Okay, okay. That's as good as anyplace to start," he told himself on the way home. He had no clear idea what thinking outside the box meant, but to whatever degree it seemed to make sense, he was willing to give it a try.
That evening he sipped a glass of wine while watching a movie. At some point, a box from the cable company popped up on his screen which read: "To avoid losing some HD channels, upgrade your cable system at no charge. Click 'upgrade now' for details."
The movie wasn't interesting so he clicked on the offer and learned he could either order the new upgrades and install them himself or make an appointment and have someone from the cable company do it for him. The thought of wasting several hours for someone to show up—and almost certainly be late to boot—was out of the question. And since he was handy with most things, he clicked on the do-it-yourself option then finished watching his movie without really paying attention.
Three days later, UPS delivered a very large package complete with two new cable boxes, one for the family room and the other for his bedroom. He took pictures of the current connections at the back of each TV—just in case, then unhooked everything then carefully followed the how-to instructions. In less than an hour he had both boxes up and running and a deep sense of satisfaction knowing he'd never lose a single HD cable. Yep, how could a guy live if that happened, right? Who needed a wife and kids as long as every possible cable channel streamed into your living room?
He set the old boxes aside and made a mental note to take them back that Saturday morning even though he had 30 days to return them. Rodgers didn't like letting things fester whether it was a relationship gone bad, a blister on a patient's hand, or old cable boxes laying around.
Two days later he was pulling into the parking lot where the cable company had its nearest store. He walked around to the passenger side, picked up the boxes, and closed the car door using his hip. He carried in the large, clunky boxes which were twice the size and weight of the upgraded version, balancing them as best he could as he reached for the metal bar on the door just as someone pushed it open. He went to thank them, but the man blew right passed him like he wasn't even there. "Gee, thanks a lot...buddy," he muttered.
He walked inside and saw two women and two men, all wearing the cable company's tee shirt. Both of the women were attractive. One was black and she was wearing a wedding ring. Out of bounds. The other was white and blonde and Rodgers didn't see a ring. He laughed when he thought about taking his new mantra of looking outside the box to the cable store as he was standing there holding...boxes.
"Good morning!" the blonde said cheerfully. She looked at the items he was carrying then told him, "I'm not going to bother asking if you're returning equipment. Please come over to the counter and I'll get you taken care of."
He could tell she was attractive from the side, but after seeing her face to face, Rodgers was so taken aback he suddenly wondered if his jaw might be hanging down. "Sir? Right over here, please," he finally heard her say.
