Mid-September, 2019. Near Seattle, Washington.
"It's funny, but I don't want you to go, Morgan," her therapist said with a warm smile.
"No. I understand. We've gotten very close over the last three years," the woman she'd been working with over that period of time replied.
"We're not supposed to get attached to our patients, but we're just human beings with the same wants, needs, and fears as everyone else. You've lived through my worst fear, and I have to tell you I admire you for the way you've worked through your loss. I really can't imagine losing a child."
The therapist quickly added, "And a husband."
Morgan Graham had just turned 36 two weeks before her nightmare began. It was cold, dark, and rainy when a Washington State Patrolman pulled into her driveway in the Seattle suburb where she, her husband Nick, and their daughter Audrey lived.
She couldn't recall a single thing the young state trooper told her other than, "I'm very sorry. Both of them were killed instantly."
That had been four years ago, but it wasn't the passage of time clouding her memory. It was her brain's way of protecting her. It had instantly gone into a defensive mode shutting down everything but essential life-sustaining functions.
During those first months after 'the accident' as she called it, she'd obviously continued breathing, but everything else was a chore. Occasionally, she was able to eat and drink, and when she was lucky, she might sleep 2-3 hours in a row. But other than that she'd been hollowed out from the inside, and until the last few months, she'd been little more than a shell of her former self.
Nick had provided well for them, and the life insurance money she'd received had allowed her to stay at home at grieve, and after a year of being nearly housebound, had also paid for therapy three times a week for the last three years.
Initially, she couldn't see where talking and answering questions was doing any good, but her older brother, Hank Thompson, had insisted she keep going. He'd tried to get her to go a month after the accident, and kept at it until his sister gave in a year later. Hank had been there for her like no one else, and through it all, he was the one person on whom she could count no matter what.
So she'd kept going, and about six or seven months ago, she'd had a breakthrough session. It was hard to quantify what that meant, but she left the therapist's office that day feeling hopeful, and until then, hope had been the one thing she no longer had.
Within a month, she went on a kind of date with a friend of her brother. A month later, she got up the courage to go back to the elementary school where Audrey had been a 1st-grader, and began helping out in the office as a volunteer. While there, she began talking with one of the three male teachers on staff, a nice man around her age, and went out with him several times before realizing they had very little in common.
Just three months after the breakthrough, Morgan started feeling almost normal again. It wasn't that there wasn't still a huge, gaping hole in her life. It was more that she'd learned to navigate around it and not look at it whereas it had previously consumed her every waking moment. She would not only look at it but stare into endlessly as though there was some sort of answer at the bottom; a bottom she could never see. But there wasn't, and now she had the tools to avoid it, and that only added to the sense of renewed hopefulness and optimism she'd been feeling.
Morgan looked at the therapist, Doctor Ann Lee, PhD., who'd become a friend, and replied to her comment about losing her family.
"No. That's not something I'd recommend."
That she was now able to say that with a smile on her face spoke volumes about how far she'd come, and as much as her therapist hated to admit it, it was time for the sessions to end.
"Then I believe there's no reason for you to continue coming here," the woman told her reluctantly. "But I'd love to stay in touch."
"We will, Ann. I promise," Morgan told her.
"So any idea what's next?"
Morgan smiled and said, "Oh, my. I just turned 40, and there are so many things I want to do. I haven't made a list yet, but I want to do things that make me feel alive."
"That doesn't include bungee jumping, does it?" her therapist asked, only partly kidding.
When Morgan laughed, she smiled, and told her she was glad to know that was what she meant even though Morgan hadn't answered her verbally.
"Most of all, I'd like to love again. I'd like to really, truly love someone the way I loved my husband and daughter. I have no idea when or where or even how that might happen. All I know is I'm ready to experience that."
"Well, I have to tell you, you're a beautiful woman, Morgan, and finding someone won't be an issue."
Her patient thanked her for saying that, then said, "Not to state the obvious, but I don't want to just find someone. I'd want to find that really amazing someone I can't live without. And of course, I'd want him to feel the same way about me, and that might be a very tall order."
Now her therapist laughed but in a polite way.
"I get what you mean. Men, even nice looking men, are a dime a dozen. Even attractive men with money are out thereβnot that you're looking for money. But finding one who has all of the intangible things we women dream about is another thing."
Morgan loved how she and her therapist nearly always agreed on nearly everything they discussed, at least once they'd gotten to a point where it wasn't just an endless stream of being asked, "And how does that make you feel?"
"As usual, you and I see the challenge the same way. And even if that never happens, I feel like I'm strong enough again to enjoy life, whatever it may bring my way."
"Will you be staying here in the Seattle area?"
"I'm not sure. Nick absolutely loved the TV series Breaking Bad. It ended in 2013, and before he was killed, I'm sure he watched it on DVD at least a half dozen times. I watched it with him here and there, and there's something very appealing to me about the desert."
"Well, as often as we've agreed on things, that isn't one of them," her therapist kindly said. "I love the mountains and the green and wouldn't live anywhere else."