"You keep talking about this 'wish list' for any woman that you're going to want to get involved with," my therapist mentioned at one point in one of our sessions. "Why?"
"I don't know. I've just gone with whoever walked in front of me in the past and I asked and she said yes. I wasn't all that discriminating. Now I'm trying to be."
My "wish list" was, that I wanted someone older. Someone more mature than a lot of my mistakes in women from the past. I wanted someone who was slender, had nice hair, had a shapely but not too out of proportion body.
I wasn't looking for a model gorgeous kind of woman (like most men). I just wanted a woman who was nice to look at. One perhaps on the very attractive side and with a nice body wouldn't be bad. What was wrong with that?
My therapist however, was not the body type I was looking for. And I was beginning to get the impression that she was not happy that I was being this 'so particular.'
Not that anything was ever going to happen between me and my therapist, but it was just that I was, perhaps in her mind, looking for the perfect woman type. And with most women larger than that image I had in my mind, there was always this simmering resentment that I was being 'like a man.'
Never mind that there are a lot of men who like Big Women. I'd had my share of them. I'd been with women who ranged from size 0 up to (an unmanageable) size 28. I just wanted a woman that I found attractive, and emotionally available. What was wrong with that?
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But I was getting on the desperate side, and that was always very dangerous territory for me to crawl into.
It had been many years since my last relationship, and that last relationship had left me gun-shy about my tendency to fall for just about any woman that came along.
Yes, I had my 'shopping list' that I was trying to find, and working really hard to not make another mistake. Like falling into bed too soon, and finding out that the 'she' that I had fallen for, was nothing like the 'she' which she really was.
I would tend to go shopping two or three ties a week at the local coop, just hoping to run into that woman that might fulfill at least most of my 'list.' Most of the time, what I saw was... Not a lot of people, much less single-looking women. So I'd just about given up hope even there.
Now I'm not the most handsome looking man around. Matter of fact, in TV and Film, I'm what's known as a "character type." Rough around the edges, and tending on the 'hairy' side. Long hair, beard, mustache. The type that a lot of women are not going to have on their wish list.
So there I was, wandering around the store wondering what I was going to eat as a snack, the means to justify being there when I didn't really need anything... When She walked around the corner.
She was a tallish brunette who I took to be around fifty-five or so. She had a nice body, dressed in a loose but flowing Indian cotton kaftan sort of shirt, complete with nice, tight jeans around her rather shapely derrière. She looked somewhat nondescript -- not a raging beauty, but certainly not an unattractive woman. She looked kind of like the actress Minnie Driver. I knew she would brighten up as soon as she smiled.
I really wanted to meet her, but all of a sudden I began to get cold feet. So I made the mistake of starting to follow her around, working up my courage and my 'come on' line. Acting like a creepy pervert, in other words.
I came to my senses and turned around and began looking for what it was that I wanted and could have for a simple price. Chocolate? Yeah. Something chocolate. That would satisfy my craving for sweets, if not sweet women.
I began walking down the desert aisle and couldn't make up my mind. I was still kind of distracted by the simple beauty of my object of desire still in my minds eye.
I bent down to pick something up, and straightened up to be right in the line of sight of a certain particular crotch I'd been drooling over.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, standing and beginning to blush quite red.
She stopped dead in her tracks, and got 'that look' in her face. You know the one with the "deer in headlights" look? Well, so much for that, I thought suddenly.
And then she shyly began to smile at my flustered look. I must have began drooling or the equivalent, as I looked totally smitten at this woman.
"Hi, my name is Randy," I said, hoping for a bigger smile in return. "I... umm... Couldn't help but notice you earlier."
Her look became one crossed between one of 'Oh, boy, not again,' and shy interest. "So I noticed," she said with a smirk, as she bent her head slightly and began to shyly smile at her feet. "My name is Ellie," she said softly.
My heart suddenly did a little happy dance. Although I didn't really know what to say next.
She looked at the treat that I had in my hand, and smirked again. "Is that lunch? Or is that dinner?"
"Well, I came in hoping for a snack, and then I saw you," I said, immediately regretting it. "I mean--"
Her smile went from shy one to a somewhat nasty look and then back to that shy smile again. Whew. That was a close one.
"What I meant was... I saw you and then I really wanted to talk to you, but kind of lost it. I mean, you're such a beautiful woman, and I..."
"I bet you say that to all the women you stalk in the coop," she said with a dirty smirk. Then she went back to that annoyed look that didn't want to make up it's mind as to what it wanted to do.
"I... ummm... Don't usually stalk women," I said, sheepishly. "But yeah, I also don't really know what to say to someone that I'm really struck with either.
I noticed that she wasn't exactly falling in a swoon at my feet, but neither was she running quickly away to report me to the manager. Did I have a chance?
I gulped loudly. 'God, I'm really taken by your beauty,' I wanted to tell her, but that felt like such a pick-up line that I hesitated to say it. But then I did. "I'm... Would you like to go out for coffee sometime? You do drink coffee, I hope? I mean, if you're single, that is." There. I said it.
"Maybe," she said shyly, and looked up at me with that hesitant smile returning to that gorgeous face. God she was looking more and more beautiful the longer I stared at her.
