I have told many people (that I could trust) that if I had been born a woman, I'd be lesbian. Usually this gets a few laughs, and or also a few stares, along with the occasional "Why would you say that?"
Yes, I am a man. No, I'm not a gay man. And yes, I've had a lot of 'relationships' (aka One Night Stands, more or less). I've been married twice -- which left a bad taste in my mouth for married life. Most of my best friends have always been women, with a few men in the mix.
But I don't exactly have a high opinion of most men. Sorry guys. Too many man are all in it for themselves, and are not exactly, shallowing we say, 'sensitive to the needs of others.' Most guys are more than willing to use others for whatever they want/need, and this in particular includes women.
I on the other hand, was raised by what for all intents and purposes, was a single mother. Oh, my father was still in the picture, but he traveled so much he might as well not have been.
Being the aforementioned "sensitive" sort, I wasn't likely to hang out with the sports oriented men (except maybe to be around cheerleaders, but they weren't interested in a geek like me).
So I 'specialized' in being something else to women: a sensitive guy. I listened. That didn't exactly get me a lot of girlfriends, but got me enough.
So... Why am I telling you this? Because of what I said about being a lesbian if I weren't a man. Oh, I'm still interested in women all right. I share that with most of the lesbians I do happen to be with. When I am in the company of a "lipstick lesbian," a woman who is mainly a lesbian out of self-preservation... Well, I can offer an 'alternative.'
Which was what I was doing with Lisa. There being her friend; the male equivalent of a "fag hag" if I were a woman hanging around with gay men.
Lisa was the female equivalent of me as the 'sensitive' female.' I.e. the female Geek. I listened to the latest complaints that she had of most of the men surrounding her in her life, (and more than a few women). She was now especially having problems with some of the more Dyke members of her community. They were working to get her ass to go out with them, with as much fervor as the men trying to do the same.
"I just don't know why they always have to be so predatory with me," she told me one night while we were hanging out.
'Uh, cause you're so fucking gorgeous? Maybe?' I wanted to tell her.
"Well, you know," I began warming up for the pitch, "Aggro people, whether they're men or women, try to steamroll you. No matter what you want. That's how they think they're going to get what they want."
So, Lisa... She's thirty-five. She has long auburn hair, that extends almost to her waist. She wears glasses, but she's so darn 'cute.' Oh, and she doesn't look like she's her age, but could pass for a teenager, as much as she doesn't not like thinking about. She would be a "catch" for anyone likely to be the one that takes an interest in her.
Oh, and maybe I should tell you that I'm forty-six years old. And although I don't look it, I might be more her age. That is, if she looked like she was more her age. I wasn't in bad shape, I just wasn't a thirty year old any more.
She's also been a lesbian since the football asshole that she went out with on a date back in high school had tried to rape her. Her 'lesbo' friends back then had convinced her that she should only be with women. And up until recently, that had been very much the case.
"Women know how to treat me better. They know how to give me orgasms. I feel that I'm cherished with... well, most of them."
"I take it that's not being the case recently?" I asked her.
I had been waiting for this moment to arrive, ever since I had first met her about three years ago at a science fiction/fantasy Convention.
Luckily back then, it had been more obvious what she considered herself sexually, but had let her hair grow out Princess Leia fashion in the meantime. (Guess who she goes as to a Con now? Any tresses... I mean, guesses?) Oh, and did I mention that she was a gorgeous, slender warrior type? If not Leia, she could have been an Elvish Warrior Princess type.
I had learned to let her take her time to come to her own conclusions and feelings. She sighed as she wrestled with the raging inner battle, as we sat in the park sipping lattes.
I sighed and waited for her to continue. Luckily for me it was a bright, green grass filled sunny day. I had more than enough scenery to pay attention to while I waited.
"Sean..."
"Yes, my dear?" In the past, she might have given me a dirty look at that endearment. Now, she was just lost in her heavy thoughts.
Was I going to finally hit the jackpot? Was she going to open up to me and tell me how much she valued me as a friend? That I was becoming, 'more than a friend?' Or was I go0ing to be forever stuck in the "friendzone?"
She turned around to look at me, with tears forming in her eyes. I sighed, wanting ever so much to move closer to her and throw my arms around her shoulders and pull me in to comfort her. But I waited.
Yes, my luck was about to turn. She scooted herself over on the bench between us and leaned her head into my shoulder. "I'm lonely," she whispered.
Carefully lifting my right arm to place it gingerly over her shoulder, I asked her softly, "Why? You're one of the most popular women I know. Why do you feel lonely?"
Looking up at me through her tear streaked coke-bottle glasses, she asked me, "Just hold me." Which of course, I was more than glad to do.
If Lisa was going to have a sexual identity reversing decision that would turn in my favor, I'd just be there for her.
"You know I'll always be there for you," I also whispered in her ear.
She whimpered a soft "Yes," into my shoulder. I reached up and hooked a stray spray of her hair that had fallen across her face, and placed it behind her other ear and shoulder.
