Chapter 4: Moira
Moira Nixon is now my mother-in-law. We first met in February of 1988 when I began dating her eldest daughter Jane and were great friends from the very beginning. Her husband Jack had died only a few months earlier and in some ways I became the man of the Nixon household; not as a surrogate husband I hasten to add, but in the role of a dutiful elder son. Jack Nixon had held very traditional views; with a woman's place being in the kitchen and his girls had been brought up very strictly; all decisions had been his alone and as I later realised, had been aggressively, perhaps brutally enforced. I undertook the DIY-jobs, helped Moira to deal with the household accounts and paperwork, provided a willing taxi service for her and the girls, as none of them drove at that time. I even helped her with the application forms and resumes as she looked for her first job in eighteen years.
In 1988 Moira's hair was bobbed and the palest auburn you'll ever see; like ripe wheat at sunset. Today it's flecked silver and looks like that same wheat-field, but in the moonlight. Moira's eyes are large, pale grey and sad; she's elfin in stature; the agreed simile being 'a well fed Calista Flockhart' Moira is always conservatively dressed and immaculately turned out. My brother once remarked 'You just want to walk up to Moira and muss her hair' Personality wise, she's selfless, benevolent, vulnerable and incapable of saying a bad word against anyone.
It was in October of 1988 that our relationship changed. Jane and I had been out for the evening and having returned were making-out in the lounge. On the nights when I stayed over at the Nixon's place, I slept in Jane's bedroom, which was right next door to her mother's – there was a even a connecting door, whilst Jane bunked-up down the hallway with her sister; hence our being downstairs in the lounge. Jane and I were reaching the conclusion of an extremely passionate, albeit silent bout of love-making; lots of throaty gasps, muted groans and squeals, suppressed with gritted teeth: all in an effort to ensure that we weren't overheard; Haven't we all suffered it at some point?
When I raised my head from Jane's ample breasts, I noticed that the lounge door was now wide open and that Moira was standing in the doorway; she looked very pale and tears were streaming down her face. Our eyes locked for a moment and we exchanged weak, embarrassed smiles; before Moira turned and disappeared from view as silently as she'd arrived...
I lowered my face back into Jane's warm, soft breasts and let out a low protracted groan, as the words 'Oh Fuck!' repeated incessantly through my mind. Fortunately, Jane interpreted this sound to be a sign of my satisfaction and I decided that for tonight at least, there was no point in disabusing her of the notion. Soon after, we replaced our discarded clothing; in case we met mum or Eve en-route and headed upstairs; with Jane as always loudly bidding me goodnight outside of my door, thus ensuring that if her mother was still awake, she'd know that we were in our respective rooms. As she turned away down the landing, I looked across at Moira's closed door, smiled wryly to myself and slowly shook my head, whilst once more thinking 'Oh Fuck!'
I took a quick shower and crawled into bed where not surprisingly, I was unable to sleep. Memories of the tears on Moira's face when she saw me despoiling her recently virgin daughter and thoughts of the anticipated fall-out from the incident crowded my mind, banishing any prospect of sleep. 'Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck...' Things weren't helped by the knowledge that Moira too was clearly still wide awake next door; I could hear her moving around and there was a faint sliver of light visible beneath the connecting door. I decided that a sleepless night was not the best preparation for tomorrow's inevitable row and as I'm not a 'morning' person at the best of times, thought it might be better if I just took the bull by the horns right now. At the very least it would protect Jane from the first and probably strongest, wave of her mother's wrath. I crawled quietly from the bed, slipped on my shorts and a tee-shirt, tip-toed across the room and taking a deep breath; tapped gently on the connecting door.
"Just a moment: OK it's not locked, you can come in" was the muted response.
Another deep breath, a final 'Oh Fuck' as I twisted the handle, opened the door, stepped through and closed it behind me, all achieved without ever raising my eyes to meet Moira's. Another deep breath, as I slowly raised my head to meet the icy gaze and the words just poured out "Look, I'm very sorry... Please don't blame Jane... Don't worry, we're taking precautions... It'll not happen again..." As my eyes finally rose high enough to meet Moira's, I fell silent, probably with my mouth agape; she was sat up in her bed, giving me the warmest smile you can imagine with a sparkle of laughter dancing behind her grey eyes.
Moira patted the edge of the bed beside her "sit down and catch your breath, whilst I answer you one point one at a time"
I slumped rather than sat, this was not the reaction I'd expected at all, the adrenaline was pumping; that instinctive "fight or flight" response: When it'd become apparent that neither was suitable, it'd left me disorientated and utterly lost for words. As I tried to collect myself, Moira wrapped her arms around me and gave me a reassuring squeeze; "calm down you silly fool" she laughed.
"Now, where did you get to? Ah yes... You've nothing to apologise for, far from it; I'm not blaming Jane for anything; I'd never considered the possibility that the two of you weren't sensible enough not to be taking precautions and perhaps most importantly, if it doesn't happen again, then I would be very, very disappointed."
I muttered incoherently, looked around the room; anywhere but directly at Moira. Whereupon she laughed and hugged me once again, turned my face to hers, looked me straight in the eyes and said "God; Jane's a lucky girl" then kissed me chastely on the tip of my nose.
I was desperately trying to regain some composure whilst trying to make sense of Moira's words, they just didn't connect with the tears and expression I'd seen downstairs; "B-b-but you were crying when you found us?"
"No; the tears came later. I'd only gone down for a drink" Moira waved at a glass on the night-stand "I didn't even know you were back. I just saw that a light was still on in the lounge and opened the door to switch it off" she shook her head and smiled once more, "the two of you were entwined on the floor and so engrossed in each other that you didn't even notice me standing there"
"Maybe Jane didn't: I haven't told her yet either; but I saw you; I saw the tears"
"That's what I meant when I told you that the crying came later; I'd been watching for about ten minutes before you even noticed me" Moira gave me another, this time wry smile "It's probably me who should be apologising to you and Jane, I ought to have left immediately, but it was just too beautiful to turn away from: hypnotic."
I shook my head in disbelief "but you were crying!"
Moira laughed again, "you're a lovely young man Rob, but not as worldly-wise as you like to think; I wasn't annoyed or upset: what you saw were tears of happiness! Life's not been easy for Jane; in fact it's often been very unfair to her, but if that moment of rapture which I witnessed was the only one she ever knew; then I think she would still consider that her life had been worthwhile."
This was all getting far too profound for me "OK, I hear what you're saying about the tears, but there was more than pleasure at Jane's happiness to be seen in your face, when I looked up"
"My apologies once again, you're more perceptive than I gave you credit for; I do hope my daughter has enough sense to appreciate how fortunate she is" Moira broke eye contact and looked down at her hands "Whilst you just see me as Jane's mother, I'm also a living, breathing, woman; what you spotted was probably a twinge of jealousy. I was envious of Jane; experiencing something that I barely remember; to be honest something I now wonder if I've ever fully known?"
With the immediacy of youth, I nodded sagely "Mmm, I think I can understand; it's been quite a while since your husband died and I suppose he was too ill to... you know... for a few months before that, so it'll be more than a year since you've made love"
Moira returned the mature, serious expression with which I'd accompanied my statement and then burst out laughing!
I was now completely perplexed and looked away, towards the door; in part to hide my confusion but also with concern that her peals of laughter might awaken Jane or Eve. Moira must've had the same thought and been equally unwilling to share our conversation with her daughters; she lifted my hand, which I hadn't even realised she'd been holding, brought it to her lips and bit down on it in an effort to repress her laughter.
Moira's eyes sparkled, whilst mine watered; she'd bitten bloody hard! And it was perhaps a full minute before she regained her self control, released my hand from her mouth and spoke "Sorry I had to bite you" Moira looked at the teeth marks in my hand, raised it back to her face and gently kissed it "All better now". We grinned at each other, then Moira shook her head once again and said "good looking, solvent, sensitive, a generous lover AND a comedian too! Jane should chain you to her bed before you get away"
By way of reply, I quite obviously gave my "I'm perplexed/out of my depth/you've lost me" look once again.
Moira granted me another smile, then a peck on the cheek. "Sorry Rob, that wasn't very fair. At your age a year's still a long time; besides which you never had the pleasure of meeting Jane's father"
