The Lonely Widow

I recently turned 43 and I felt a darkness overcoming my life. It had been 18 months since my husband departed. He was driving home one night, when he stopped to help someone who had broken down. They were setting him up and tried to rob him. In the process they shot him.

He had not returned from work and I began to panic. He never stayed out late. I began to imagine the worst and thought maybe he was cheating on me but this was not him. He was a sweet and lovable person.

It was late in the evening when two officers knocked on my door.

We always dreamed of moving to America but it had turned into a nightmare for me.

In India I was a nurse but I did not have to worry about working as my husband earned enough to support me.

I did not have to worry about money as his life insurance made sure of that but I had an emptiness in my life that I could not fill. Our son was at working in New York and he would come back every month but following the death of his father a distance grew between us and I had not seen him in the last 12 months.

A friend tried to pull me out and introduced me to one of my first loves, reading. I joined their book club group and the small interactions had a profound effect on me.

It was at one of the meetings that it was mentioned there are older retired residents, often widowed and in need or emotional support and they wanted to know if anyone could help out by taking some time to read to them.

I had felt that loneliness and I wanted to help the community so I volunteered gladly.

I was given the name and address of Arjan. He was an old man and he rarely left his home. I was warned that he was mean and if I was unable to handle it, it would be passed on to someone else.

I went to the apartment the next day, I knocked a couple of times before someone approached the door.

I could hear him shuffling on the other side and maybe checked his peephole. I then heard him ask, "Who is it? I am not buying anything."

I cleared my throat and said, "It is Lakshmi from Good Reads."

He grumbled but then I heard him move the chain. He then opened the door and invited me in. He offered me a seat and closed and locked the door behind me.

He seemed grumpy, "As soon as I heard your name I was relieved. The care company always sends Latina and blacks. Thieves."

I replied without thinking, "You shouldn't say such offensive things. People will take offence."

I didn't think that this was an old man who may have had bad experiences and he replied defiantly, "Young people like you do not understand. I have been robbed 3 times. The last time I caught a Latina girl trying to steal my wives gold jewellery. Don't talk to me about offence."

I should watch my tongue and I apologised for moral outburst.

We made small talk for a few minutes and I asked how he was and did he have anyone looking after him. He told me a carer comes a few times a week to make sure he is not dead and he is taking his medications. He was tall for an Indian, maybe an inch under 6 feet. He was thin but he did not seem too frail or ill as many old men can appear. He was wearing a pristine set of ironed pyjamas and he was clean shaven. Despite his grumpiness, his appearance was very refined and it seemed like he had a cultured past.

I discovered his wife past away when she was in her 30's and he never remarried. He had children but they were now grown and lived in Canada. He was a doctor that moved to the US in the 70's. I felt a connection with him as we had a similar journey in life.

We had been talking for almost an hour and I had not even reached for my book but I simply enjoyed being in his company.

I then pulled out my book and read to him, he relaxed and listened as I read to him. I finished the first chapter and I wondered if he had paid attention to it all.

After I had put the book away, I expected to leave buy he drew me in again as he asked, "What do you think of the main character?"

It was a new book that I had recently bought. I had wanted to read it and I thought I could do both read it for myself and fulfil my duties with good reads.

In the first chapter the main character is befallen by tragedy and it appears to be setting the events for the next chapters. But his question focused on the character but I felt not enough had happened to know this, "I think we will discover more about her character in the next few chapters."

I kept my visit the next week and I found myself enjoying his company so much that I rarely left after the 1 hour. I often stayed much longer and just talked about idle things.

It was a couple of weeks later that I received an email saying I had a friend request from Arjan on Facebook. I had not been on the social media site in over a year. I found it too painful to look at my old pictures with my husband.

I logged on and decided to accept his request. He did not post much but he was often tagged in pictures with his children. I could not help but find myself snoop on him.

I had a lot of notifications as I had not been on in sometime. I began to receive messages as people noticed I was online. I quickly logged off as a lot of people had the same questions about how I was coping. Everyone knew about my troubles.

My former mother in law called me the next day and said she was happy to see me back on social media. She was worried about how withdrawn I had become. She suffered a lot of pain after losing her son but she still cared for me.

My usual slot to see Arjan was on a Tuesday at 10.00am. I found myself thinking about him on this Friday. I was going to be visiting his side of town to pick up groceries and I found myself driving to his apartment.

I went to his apartment on the Friday morning and I could hear him grumble in his usually grumpy manner from inside the apartment.

He beamed a smile as I opened the door. He was taken by surprise and I liked knowing I had this positive effect on him and it cheered up my own sour moods.

He invited me and inquired as to why I was here on a random day. I told him about seeing his Facebook request and I thought I would drop by.

He told me how his son helped him set up and use Facebook so he could stay in touch with the family updates. I felt terrible that his own children had abandoned him in this way but he seemed to be aware of this new internet age world and confident for an old man.

We settled down and just talked. It was later in the afternoon that one of his carers dropped by. She was a Latina girl and seemed pleasant enough.

I excused myself to the kitchen to let the carer do her work. I was in the other room and all of a sudden I heard the tone change. She was very aggressive with him and I did not like that. She went to use the bathroom.

The bathroom was out in the corridor and I could see her sneak into the bedroom. I crept behind her and caught her going through his cupboards.

I saw her pick up a watch and try to slide it into her pocket.

I interrupted her and asked, "What are you doing in here?"

She said, "Aye mami. I was looking for the bathroom."

I then went up to her and picked the watch from her pocket and she yelled at me but it did not stop me.

I rushed her out and told Arjan and he blurted out some racist comments about Latinas. She then stormed out trying to regain the moral high ground.

I then called the company to complain but their reaction shocked me as the woman on the other line said, "Hmmmhmmm. We have had a lot of complaints about this man. He is racist to the staff."

I knew he was a difficult man but the attitude annoyed me, "I caught one of your employees stealing from a customer. I want to speak to your manager."

She was really rude and said, "I am the manager. He is a racist and we will not be sending any more staff there."

I was furious and I slammed the phone down. Arjan came up to me and put his arm around my shoulder as I was shaking with rage. He said, "It is nothing. I think good riddance."

I was just worried about him, "But what will you do now. What did they do for you?"

He said, "They just make sure I am taking my medicine. Sometimes when my arthritis flares up they would help me with things I could not do."

I was panicked about him being alone and said, "I will do this for you. I was a nurse. I can do this for you."

I did not think but I just panicked thinking he would have no one to care for him.

I began to visit more regularly and he gave me a key to the apartment. I would come and visit at various times.

I had been in the neighbourhood as my book group was nearby. I decided to check in on him. I let myself in and he was not in the living area. I could hear sounds from his bedroom and went to his bedroom worried that he was struggling.

As I went to the bedroom the door was slightly ajar and I could hear and see him more clearly. The sight shocked me. He had pulled his pyjamas down and was stroking his cock as he was looking at something on the laptop.

I was mesmerised by the scene. His cock was so hard. I never thought of him as a sexual being but the sight of his cock had me in a trance. My breathing intensified and my heartbeat pulsed.

His words finally cut through the scene and hit me, "Lakshmi you sexy bitch. I want to fuck your hot cunt. I want to lick your nipples. I want to spank your fat ass. You horny bitch."

He was talking about me? He was masturbating to me? I panicked. I had to get out of there. I rushed out before I was discovered.

I sat down at the bottom of the stairs unable to get my head around what I had seen. I thought about going back but I had to clear my head.

I went home and tried to forget what I had seen. I was chopping some aubergines when I began to stare off into the distance as I thought back to his hard cock. I subconsciously bit my lip as I thought about it.

I accidentally nicked my finger with the knife and it brought me back to reality. I tried to distract myself all evening to stop my mind going back.

I went back on Facebook and that is when I saw it. He had liked a series of my pictures around the time I caught him masturbating. Was he masturbating to my pictures? He did say my name but there was nothing sexual in my images.

I could not escape that scene. I went to bed early trying to forget the day's events but I could not sleep.

I tossed and turn but my body was hot in a way that it had not been before. I took off shirt and it was drenched in sweat.

My breasts were swollen and my nipples were hard and erect like never before. What was wrong with me? Was it menopause?

I stripped off and as I slid down my panties they were completely soaked. I hoped being naked would cool me down but my body was sensitive and as the silk bed sheets rubbed against sensitive nipples I moaned.

My mind went back to my scene. The hard thrusting of his hand around his cock. The filthy words about me and my body.

Subconsciously I began to run my hands over my breasts, flicking my nipples and down my stomach. I began to squeeze between my inner thighs. I moaned with every touch. My body was craving something. I began to slowly spread my nether lips and close them. I could hear the wetness between my lips.

I began to gently caress myself as I felt my body urgently respond. My mind was filled with the sight of that cock. I began to finger myself thinking of his cock.

I let a second finger slide inside me as I had a desperate need to be filled. I began to finger myself harder trying to match the stroking of his cock ad I recalled it. Did my body want him?

I came hard, my body convulsing and my back arching as I felt my body relax and I fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning I felt guilty about my actions and my emotions began to return to normal as I stayed away from Arjan.

But then I received a call from Arjan. He said he was struggling as his knee was flaring up and I had no option but to go over and check on him.

I went over to see him. He was in the bed unable to move. He said his body ached and the arthritis in his knee was causing him problems.

I helped him out of bed and tool care of him for the day but my mind kept going back to the sight of his cock from the day before. Why could I not keep my mind clear?

I could feel my body heat up the longer I was there and my breasts were feeling swollen in my bra and it was getting tight.

I had to get home and relieve the building tension in my body so I asked, "Do you need help with anything else?"

He then seemed shy as he asked, "I have not been able to bathe in over a week. I have problems getting in and out of the bath and helping me bathe. The carers usually help me. I have been unable to ask as you do so much for me already."

I had been distracted with my own filthy thoughts when he really needed help, "I am so sorry. I will help you. You should never be afraid to ask."

I helped him to the bathroom and slowly undressed him. I stopped at his underwear and looked at him nervously. Would I be able to control myself?

He looked at me and said, "I understand if I am asking too much. I am sorry."

I felt guilty and said, "No. Don't be sorry. I have just not done this since I was nurse."

The truth was this was the first cock I had seen in a long time. I slowly slid down his underwear and let his cock come into view.

To my relief it was not erect and I could normalise the situation.

He sat down in the bath and I began to lather his body. I had to lean in a lot and my breasts were constantly in his face. To my surprise he seemed to have total control and his cock was still flaccid.

I was rather disappointed and I began to wonder if he was masturbating to my pictures or was it porn? Was this all in my head?

I made an excuse about ruining my dress and went to take it off. He told me where the towels were and I picked up a towel and wrapped around my bra. I was in just my underwear and tights with a towel wrapped around me.

I deliberately set the towel low to show my cleavage. The towel was short and barely covered my ass. It had the desired effect and I could see his cock grow to become semi erect.

I continued to lather him and as I did so my hand went to hide cock and slowly began to lather it up and down. I pressed my breasts into his face as I did this.

I let the towel slip off and I continued to slowly massage and lather his now erect cock. I did not know what was coming over me but my focus was on his cock.

My breasts were feeling so tight in my bra and I released the hooks from the front effectively releasing my breasts to his face.

I was now stroking his cock and massaging his balls as my breasts were in his face. I needed him to touch them. My breasts were craving for his attention but he seemed to be taking me in and not wanting to push it.

I felt him gingerly move his hands to my breasts and began to gently touch them. He was still waiting for my reaction almost unsure of what was happening. I began to stroke his cock faster and massage his balls harder making it clear this was more than a bath.

He began to squeeze my breasts gently at first but as I moaned in response his attention became rougher. He began to pinch and pull on my nipples as my body was literally burning up. I was stroking him furiously trying to convince myself that this was purely to relieve his sexual tension so he would not need to masturbate.

Despite my lusty actions I pretended to be only interested in his actions. He was holding off and I could feel my own orgasm build. He began to bite the soft flesh of my breasts driving me crazy.

He then sucked my nipples deeply. It drove me over the edge and I came as I felt his cock jerk and cum. I continued bathing him and covered my modesty with towel.

We did not mention anything further about it and I left shortly after.

At home that night I thought about the events. Had I used him for my own pleasure? How did he make me cum from just playing with my breasts?

I masturbated thinking about him again that night. Why was this old man driving my body and mind crazy?

The next day I was meeting some of the girls for brunch. They talked about life in general and then they asked where I was seeing anyone. They knew about my husband but they had encouraged me to get out more and test the dating scene.

I just said I was busy with family and the "Good Reads" project. They both scoffed at that and said that it was Rachel's idea to get publicity but that no one really care about it. I pretended to also not care about it but the truth was Arjan was the only person I could really talk to and share personal things with in this town.

I promised myself that I would not spend more than an hour with Arjan and do just what I needed to do but every time I was there we would converse for hours about the smallest things. He was a fountain of knowledge and I loved having his undivided attention. But my mind would always wander and I would begin to think of his cock.

I was masturbating almost every night trying to keep a control of my body.

It was one of these days I was visiting when Arjan asked if I could bathe him again.

It had been almost a week and I felt terrible leaving him unwashed for so long. I felt terrible about the state he was in and I offered, "You are here all alone. I have a big empty house. I want you to stay with me so I can take better care of you."

I did not know why I asked for this as I was struggling control my sexual feelings for him and being home alone was a way for me to control myself. But I also felt guilty at how he was being forced to live alone. His children never visited him and no one took care of him.

I took him to the bathroom. I was less repetitious this time but I still took deep breath when I removed his underwear. There was just something about the way his cock looked that drove me crazy. From the first time I saw it my mind was in a lustful haze.

I took off my dress and bra. Leaving me in just my pantyhose and black panties. I covered myself with a towel.

I took him over to the shower. I told him if he had any problems he should just lean on me. I lathered up his body and rinsed him off. I had deliberately not touched his cock as I wanted to leave it to the end.

I let the towel slip until my breasts were exposed. As soon as I became exposed his fell into my breasts and he grabbed them both with his hands. He moaned, "Chocolate nipples." I giggled to myself as he began to play with them.

I began to slowly lather up his cock. He was already hard today and I quickly found a rhythm furiously wanking his cock. It felt so good and I began to circle his head with thumb and I felt it jerk.

He quickly took a nipple into his mouth but his hands were on my hips. I presumed this was to steady himself as he was not used to standing in the shower. But his hands were not content. He moved them slowly down to my ass and began to squeeze and rub my ass. I then felt him spank it a couple of times playfully.

I began massaging his balls urging his orgasm to arrive but he seemed to last forever.

All of a sudden I heard a tear of my pantyhose and he began to slide his hands inside my pantyhose. I could not believe how far I was letting this go. I needed to stop him before he went too far. Would I sleep with him?

He began to manipulate my panties so that they were like a thong between ass cheeks. He groped my ass more freely.

I knew I should have stopped him. Playing with my breasts ok. Groping my ass over the pantyhose was ok but this was going too far. But my sexual need was too strong to stop him. I needed to feel him cum.

My lack of objection made him bolder and he slid a hand under my panties. His fingers were so close to my ass and I hoped he would not do that. I had never let my husband try anything anal but then again I was never lost to my lust in this way before.