Hi Readers! This is my entry into the Literotica
2021 On The Job
Writers' Challenge. Please let me know what you think (because that helps me get better as a writer, especially when you're specific about what worked and didn't work) and make sure to vote! Thanks!
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Look, I will readily admit that I have made some questionable life choices in my brief time on Earth, and that I struggle with a serious lack of impulse control, but other than that, how could I have known that I was grabbing the ass of the company's Chief Financial Officer in that elevator... and as for the rest of it, who would even believe me?
I'm Gillian. Like the actress Gillian Anderson. My parents loved this show called The X-Files and Gillian Anderson was the redhead leading lady that was accomplished, disciplined, and rational in the face of all things... even love and aliens. I'm not like that. I mean, I'm rational to a fault, but not accomplished or disciplined. I finished high school, kind of... I attended 6 high schools, in the course of living with 2 different relatives and in 4 foster homes. After six high schools, I just ghosted and got my GED at age 16. High school just wasn't right for me.
It's good to know when something just isn't right for you. It makes it a lot easier to part ways. High school and I parted ways. We had "irreconcilable differences" as they say, but that's not to say that there wasn't love there, once upon a time. High schools loved taking credit for my test scores. They loved it so much, they tested me again and again, applying for more money for their "gifted" programs each time. Not that I ever got the chance to go to any of those gifted programs, mind you. The judicial system and other correctional services had programs they thought I should attend instead. Community service was a better teacher for me than high school. It taught me that I needed to stay out of trouble or I would be seriously bored. That's some solid life advice, right there.
My parents taught me the other bit of advice that stuck with me, and that is: Life is too fucking short. They didn't get much of a chance to teach me more than that, so I've tried to do what I could with it. It became the introduction to all the other things I learned the hard way in life. Life is short: don't spend it bored. Life is short: don't choose your battles, because the ones you don't fight will choose you over and over again. Life is short: don't let anyone take care of you. I think about that last one a lot.
So, what do you do with a GED and a less-than-charming personality? For me, that's what Gladys decides. Gladys Fernbridge is the executor of the trust that was set up to take care of me. Unless I want to live out of my car, I need my trust fund money. My lack of a college degree, my low tolerance for boredom, and my inability to re-phrase the word "bullshit" before it comes out of my mouth, has made it nearly impossible for any employer to give me money in return for giving them part of my short life. Frankly, I don't blame them. Their lives are short, too.
Gladys' life hasn't been short, though. Despite aging to the point of looking like one of those gnarly trees that cling to life on the side of a windy cliff out of sheer stubbornness, Gladys still totters around her file-stacked office, her flinty eyes looking through them for lost souls to save. It was my blessing and curse that Gladys thought my file had a soul crying out to be saved instead of a quick and easy auto-pay, direct deposit setup. For the record, I still maintain that it's also her fault that I grabbed the Chief Financial Officer's ass.
It was on one of my weekly trips to her office that Gladys set me on my course toward ass-grabbing destruction. As I pushed the door to her office partially open, tipping over a pile of files, I heard Gladys chewing out someone at the local probate office. She waved me in and pointed to the one spot on her desk that was not covered with files or pictures of her soul-saving victims and their families -- the SeΓ±or Frog's coaster on her desk where I was to put her cup of chamomile tea, my customary bribe to put her in the mood to give me more control over my life.
As Gladys informed the probate office person on the phone exactly what type of bullshit their explanation for the delay of her client's funds was, she nudged her crystal candy dish toward me. I looked into it without hope. Good-n-Plenty. The entire dish was filled with those disgusting pink or white capsule-looking candy-coated black licorice bits. I looked up at her without amusement and she laughed, covering the mic on her phone with her hand. Apparently, the probate official didn't deserve to hear her sounding anything other than utterly terrifying. How many times had I told her where the mute button was? Too many to count.
She finished her call by telling the probate officer something rude about his mother and suggested that he not make her come down there in person because her bunions were acting up and then he'd have to see her in a bad mood. She ended the call, took a few candies and began chewing them while looking me over.
I put one foot up on my ratty chair and hugged my knee. "You know that 90% of the world's licorice is used in the production of cigarettes? Something they put into them to make the smoke sweeter. Those Good-n-Plenty things you offer people are agents of evil," I said, seeing her shrewd grey eyes take in my weight, my complexion, my clothes, my split ends, my lack of manicure, and my micro-expressions.
"That's one way of looking at it. On the other hand, maybe these were the good ones... the 10% of the licorice souls worth saving from their evil fate," she replied without moving her eyes from me.
"Maybe you didn't save them at all. Maybe they're still evil. I mean, if they weren't evil, they wouldn't need the lie of a candy coating... of course without the candy coating, they'd look like rat turds. You got something against direct deposit?" I asked, beginning our usual bout.