Author's note: Please forgive any grammar mistakes. I do not have an editor (Email me if interested) and when I proof read, my mind corrects any of my mistakes because I know what I was trying to say.
Thanks to Morales18PT for his insight.
This is a story for the taboo section of this category not incest.
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I'm falling through the sky. I'm not scared. Quite the opposite really. I know he will be there to catch me. He always is. He will catch me and wrap me tightly in his arms and I will feel safe and loved. I know he is smiling too. The most wonderful smile I have ever seen. I just haven't seen it. I look up to the man's face and it is a complete blur. I wake up and long for the feelings I just had. To be safe and loved. I have had this dream every night for as long as I can remember. I allow myself to slip into this fantasy as often as I can when I'm awake as well just so I can latch on for a few fleeting seconds to the man who loves me. Oh, how I yearn to find him.
I used to think he could be anybody and in High School, I asked many a boy out on dates to give them a chance to prove they were. I did many things I am now not proud of so I could earn those feelings from them. I was naΓ―ve. In my dream, the man loves me unconditionally for who I am, not because of what I can give him. When I was a freshman, anybody I dated I compared to the dream. It wasn't even close. I'm now a twenty year old sophomore in college studying psychology. I chose that major because of the dream. Why was I having it? Will I even find someone to care for me like that? I do not know.
"Ellie? Hello? Earth to Ellie?" I felt a hand waving in front of me.
I refocused my eyes to see Alan Connors in front of me. "Sorry Alan, I tend to let my thoughts wander when it's dead in here." I grabbed his first item, a gallon of milk, and rang it up.
"No apologies needed." Alan shook his head. "Just thought you went catatonic."
Alan was a nice man you just couldn't help but feel sorry for. He's the one customer I try to give my best smile in attempt to brighten his day. He started coming in the grocery store where I worked about a year ago. Like clockwork, he would come in at 10:30 at night every Monday. Since I worked until eleven those days, I always waited on him. He was attractive, early to mid-thirties, brown hair, and a pair of blue eyes that held a certain sadness to them. He still feels the pain from the loss of his wife. Brianna Connors, now she was a fun woman to be around. She came in during more normal hours, so I didn't see her as much, but when I did, I always ended up laughing. Something funny happened to her every day and she couldn't wait to share it.
I finished scanning the items. "That'll be $33.42." I gave him my smile. "Will that be cash or charge?" I knew the answer already. Alan always paid cash. He once commented that credit cards were for suckers and he only carried one for emergencies. Having maxed out a credit card of my own, I knew what he meant.
Alan opened up his wallet. "Damn." He mumbled as he realized he didn't have enough money. "I suppose I'll have to use the card."
Alan flipped over the plastic holding the pictures in his wallet to get to the credit card. The top one was of his wife, but when it flipped, there was a picture of a little girl and I froze.
"Ellie, are you okay? You look a little pale." There was concern in Alan's voice.
"Um, yeah." I brushed a tendril of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. I swiped his card and handed it back to him. "See you next week." I was barely audible.
Alan grabbed his bags. "Are you sure you're all right?"
I tried to give him my smile. "I'm fine. Nothing eight hours of sleep won't fix."
Alan nodded slightly. "Feel better." He then left.
After walking to my apartment, sleep couldn't be found. And it wasn't because my two roommates had the hard rock music on the radio cranked up. That never bothered me even though I'm a classical music and a good book type of girl. No. I was tossing and turning because of the picture of that child in Alan's wallet. The picture of me. It was my kindergarten picture. I remember seeing it every time I looked at the pictures of my Mom and Dad in my Grandma's picture album, fantasizing what it would be like if we were a family. When I was too young to remember, my father got life in prison with no chance of parole while my Mom overdosed on drugs, so I moved in with Grandma. Not that Grandma was any better. She only wanted me so she could collect money from the state. As soon as I went to college, which was unfortunately nearby, I moved into an apartment with a couple of friends just to get away. How did Alan get my picture?
Over the next week, I tried to convince myself over and over again that I was mistaken. It wasn't really me. It couldn't be. Could it? When I saw Alan again, it was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I didn't even get a chance to see the picture as he paid cash. The cycle continued the next week as well.
After three weeks, I decided enough was enough. I was barely sleeping and I couldn't concentrate in class.
"Hey Alan, how are you this week?" I gave him a nervous smile as I rang up his groceries.
"Not bad, and you?" Alan already was getting his wallet out.
"Good. Do you mind if I ask who the little girl in that picture in your wallet is?" I did my best to control the fidgeting my body was now experiencing.
Alan flipped over the plastic and gazed lovingly at the picture. "That's my daughter Danielle." His finger brushed over it and I can tell he was reliving a fond memory.
Danielle. That's my name. I only go by Ellie now. I wanted to distance myself from everything my family was, and that included my name. "I didn't know you had a child?"
"I don't." Alan took out two twenties and closed his wallet. "She's someone my wife and I tried to adopt a long time ago, I don't even remember what her last name was." He grabbed his bags. "I'll see you next week."
Interesting. It didn't even register that he was leaving. I pondered for a moment and then looked up. "Alan!" I chased him down to the automatic doors.
"Yes." Alan turned to face me. "Did I forget something?"
"Um." I really wanted to know more but didn't know what to say or how to say it. Finally I just blurted out what I would've said to any man I would ask out. "Want to get dinner sometime?" I admit the words were right, but it wasn't nearly as provocative as it should have been. It definitely screamed 'desperate' and all I really wanted was information.
Alan was caught completely by surprise. "Okay." He drew out the word, unsure of what to make of my request. "What day is good for you?"
"Friday is the best day, but I work until six." What am I getting myself into?
"I'll pick you up here at six." Alan gave a slight smile and a nod as he left.
The next five days were nerve racking. My emotions went from 'he could have been my Dad' to 'I hope he's not a serial killer'. Truth tends to be somewhere in the middle. It has to be, right?
Friday at six, I was in the employee restroom, staring at myself in the mirror. It occurred to me that I had no idea where we were going tonight. I was wearing black hip hugging jeans and a red short sleeve blouse. I hope I'm dressed correctly. I took a couple deep breaths.
"Ellie, are you back here?" My boss, Mr. Ford called into the back room.
"In the bathroom." I answered without looking away from the mirror.
"Just letting you know there's some man out here asking for you. Are you expecting someone?"
"Let him know I'll be right there." I took one more deep breath. "I can do this."
I came to the front of the store and Alan stood there in a white button down shirt, with the top two buttons undone, with black slacks and black suit jacket. I was underdressed.
"These are for you." Alan handed me a bouquet of yellow tulips. "Tulips mean you have a wonderful smile and I wanted you to know I enjoy yours every Monday night."
I inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent. Other than a corsage on prom night, this is the first time I have received flowers from a man. "Do I need to go home and change? Am I dressed okay?"
"You look great, really. Anyways, we wouldn't make our reservation if you did." Did he say reservation? "You may have to forgive me; it's been a while since I've been out on a ...out with someone, so I may have over done it."
"Nonsense." I hooked my arm in his and smiled. "A girl likes to be spoiled." We went to his car, an Infiniti and he held the door open for me, another first for me. It wasn't supposed to be a date and I didn't have the heart to set the record straight. Besides, he has already done more for me in ten minutes than any guy I've ever been out with. Flowers, reservations, and he didn't show up in rags. Maybe I need a man, not a boy. Could Alan be the person from my dream? If so, do I mention the picture?