He could feel Kim nod her head slightly again. He gave her another squeeze. "We love you, Kim. We're going to take care of you." He slipped out of bed and out the door.
Greg went downstairs, but didn't know what to do. He felt very lost again. He wanted to help make things right, but how does anyone fix the hurt that Kim was feeling right now? He went to pick up the leftovers of their family room picnic. Afterwards, he stood in front of the French doors in the kitchen, watching the rain fall on the patio.
He didn't know how long he had been standing there when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. "Allison."
"Kim is sleeping again. We had a long talk and a long cry. She's a long way from being fine, but it's a start. She told me I could talk to you about it. Let's go sit down."
They moved to the kitchen table and sat down.
"First of all, you need to understand that Kim has always suffered from very low self-esteem. Even when we were young, she never had the same kind of support from her family that the rest of us had. You know that she never knew her father. He left her mom while she was pregnant."
"I do remember that. She wrote about it in that personal narrative paper that I had you guys do. As I remember it, Kim's grandfather actually chased the guy off because he had threatened to beat up her mom while she was pregnant. Kim was very close to her grandfather, and apparently he told her the story. He was always her protector, but if I remember correctly, he died about 10 years ago when she was 9 or 10."
"That's right. After that, life for her was pretty rough, although she did a good job of hiding it from most people. All of us girls basically knew, but she didn't want us to tell anyone else. I think that was probably not the best choice, but we were pretty young, so we did what she asked."
Greg interrupted, "When you're that age, it's sometimes pretty hard to know what's the best choice."
"Well, yes, but if we had talked to more adults about it, maybe we could have made a bigger impact on her life. Do you also remember that Kim's mom was an addict? Kim had to stay with a foster family a couple of times because her mom tried and failed in rehab twice. Her mom also made bad choices when it came to men. Kim told me several times that nobody did any hitting, but there was always a lot of yelling and arguing between her mom and her boyfriends. When they were drunk or high, they were okay, but as soon as the drugs and booze were gone, her mom and her boyfriends would start arguing. Kim said she and her little brothers would hide in the closet until it was over."
"I never knew that." Greg was tearing up a little.
"Kim didn't want anyone to know. It was that way all through middle school and high school. I think Kim looked at college mostly as an escape. You know, she really has no idea what she wants to be. This year, she just started taking classes randomly. She told me in September that if she took enough classes, she might figure out what she liked, and then she could pick a major and a career."
She paused for a few moments.
"Shortly after your wife's funeral, she met a guy in one of her classes. He seemed nice, and they met in the library a couple of times for study dates, you know, to help each other prepare for tests. He then asked her out for a couple of real dates. She insisted that most of their time together be for studying; no more than once a week would they have a 'fun' date."
Greg smiled a little. He was glad that Kim was putting school first.
"She was also pretty insistent on waiting to have sex. Kim knew that her mom had traded sex for money and drugs. One of the sad things about her life was seeing how low her mom's life had become. She told this guy in no uncertain terms that she was waiting to have sex until she basically had a lifetime commitment from someone she loved. Apparently he wasn't too happy about that, but she said he agreed to it."
Allison paused again. It was like she was building up her courage.
"Kim went home for Thanksgiving. But as you might expect, it was not what she hoped it would be. Her mom was drunk or high most of the time. There was no money to do even close to a traditional dinner for Thanksgiving. Kim ended up taking her brothers to the Salvation Army dinner for the homeless. Her mom never even noticed they were gone."
Another pause.
"She gave up trying on Saturday. She decided to go back to the dorm. After all, it was quieter there. Almost nobody was back from the holiday yet, and they wouldn't be until late Sunday evening. The guy she knew didn't even go home. He stayed in the dorm all weekend, because his father and new step mother wanted to spend some time together in Hawaii. He was excited to see Kim back, and suggested they go out to dinner. She said she wasn't sure. He told her 'that's okay. There's no pressure. We won't do anything you don't want to do.'"
Greg sighed, "That's exactly what I've been saying to her tonight."
"Greg, you couldn't have known. Nobody knew."
"Still."
"Hang on, it gets worse. They did go to dinner, and then he suggested they go to his room. He had a surprise that he wanted to share just with her. Again she wasn't sure, but again, he used the line about 'no pressure.' She resisted, but she finally said okay. At this point she said he was still acting like a perfect gentleman. He held all the doors open for her. He was polite and seemed caring. It was everything a dream date should be."
"When they got to his room, he pulled out a bottle of wine, and said 'surprise.' Kim said she hesitated again. She told him she had never done anything like that. Of course, in the back of her mind, she's remembering all the problems her mom has had with alcohol, and she's worried she'll get out of control like her. Kim told him she should probably leave."
"He then turned up the charm, telling her how beautiful and desirable she was. He told her that this time in their lives was for trying new things. She should try a little bit of the wine. If she liked it, great. If she didn't, she could quit. He told her the same thing about being there. He really wanted her to stay because she was so pretty and he was really enjoying her company. But if she really wanted to go back to her room and be all by herself, that was okay, too."
"He blatantly reminded her that very few people were back from the holiday weekend, and that it really stinks to spend a holiday about thankfulness of family and friends all by yourself. She looks back now and sees what he was doing. He was laying on the charm and guilt pretty thick. Her self-esteem has really taken a hit that her bullshit meter was obviously not working through all of this. She's having trouble seeing herself as a victim. She thinks she brought it on herself."
"Anyway, the pressure finally got to her, and she agreed to stay. He said 'great!' and he turned to open the wine and fill up a couple of cups. Typical college guy - pouring wine into red plastic picnic cups. Kim said she took a few sips and then commented on the taste. She wondered if wine always tasted this way. How did people drink it so much if the flavor seemed a little off.? She also asked if it was always a little fizzy."
"Oh my God, he drugged her."
"Probably. She said she remembers being light-headed, and that he guided her over to his bed. At this point, she knows that they were still making out. He was kissing her and his hands were roaming over her breasts quite a bit, but she still had all her clothes on. He kept telling her how beautiful and sexy she was. She remembers him even saying that he loved her."
Allison paused again. She sighed.
"Then she remembers him starting to take off their clothes. She said it was a little like she was having an out of body experience. She thinks she was telling him she didn't want to do this, but she also couldn't do anything to stop him. She also clearly remembers him saying this would be a Thanksgiving she would always remember."
Both Greg and Allison wiped away tears.
"He raped her. There is just no other way to say it. She didn't scream or yell like she did during her nightmare tonight. She didn't fight him off. She knows that she wanted to do both, but she physically couldn't. She doesn't understand why she couldn't. Even with everything she's said, I'm not sure she understands that he drugged her. She's not sure she even said it out loud, but she knows she was thinking all the things she said tonight. She knows that she was thinking 'no!' 'she didn't want to do this!' 'stop!' 'get off me!' even 'I hate you!' Unfortunately, she doesn't think she said any of those out loud, so he didn't stop.
Greg's voice was full of hatred, "The bastard wouldn't have stopped even if she had screamed. Hell will be too much of a reward for a piece of shit like this."
Allison's voice cracked a little as she continued, "His destruction of her self-esteem wasn't complete. She said they laid side by side on his bed for a while. She wanted to leave, but didn't have the strength. You and I both know that was the drug still in her system, but she seemed to believe that deep down she wanted to be there, and that's why she couldn't bring herself to leave. When she was finally able to start getting dressed, she said he actually told her 'you're welcome.' This confused her, so she asked what he was talking about. He said, 'well, good girls like you always say 'no,' but they also always have a rape fantasy. It's a way for them to say that they're really still good girls. They get to fuck, but they can pretend that it was beyond their control. So, tonight, your fantasy got to become reality. You're welcome.'
Greg wanted to break something again. "This bastard is one sick piece of shit."
"When she finished getting dressed, he walked her to the door. He gave her a kiss on the forehead, and told her she was 'a good fuck,' and they needed to do it again.
Allison's shoulders started to shake with her sobs. "Greg, please hold me, and tell me you love me."
Greg rushed to her side. He lifted her out of the chair and wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, Allison, I will never stop telling you that I love you. You are an unbelievable friend and lover. I don't think either Kim or I would have survived this night if you hadn't been here for us. You are a miracle to me. I love you so much."
