"Did your fiancé ever find out about this?" I asked.
"No", Janet responded. "But I lived in fear of it for years."
"I guess you could not really do anything for fear of losing your fiancé and facing the embarrassment of canceling the wedding." I offered more as a question than a comment.
"Jim, I was young and afraid. When I was dating my husband we broke up a couple of times because he had trouble with the fact that I was not a virgin when we met. I knew if he found out I had cheated on him it would be over. That was never a question."
"And there was no way to cut it off with your boss?" I asked.
Janet looked sad as she responded, "I tried but he had me trapped. He stuck by his story that it was me who seduced him the first night and although I used drunkenness as an excuse, I believed him."
"So you don't think he took advantage of you?" I asked with some surprise.
"He definitely took advantage of me but some of the details he described make me believe that I had initiated things." She responded.
I looked surprised and she continued. "When I tried to cut it off by accusing him of taking advantage if not raping me, he told me his version of the whole story. Two details emerged that ensured me I was at least partly to blame."
"And what were they?" I asked.
"He told me he intended to leave my room and that I could sleep late because I did not have to go into the office the next day. And according to him I responded 'No work means more play'. That is something I used to say to my fiancé whenever I wanted him to stay over and there is no way Rick would have known that. He also said I was putting my arms around him and trying to dance with him. Another thing I often did with my fiancé. But there was one detail that convinced me that I had been a very willing participant."
I was hanging on her every word. Janet sipped her beer and continued talking. "Rick said that I was trying to dance with him while wearing nothing but my bra and panties and that he was wondering how far I would take it. He said that I began to rub him through his slacks and then unzipped him. He claimed I pushed him on to the bed and began giving him a blow job. I did not believe any of it until he said that I had pulled my hair band off and told him to put my hair in a pig tail."
She paused and was close to getting emotional. When she continued I understood the importance of that detail. "I knew when he told me about the hair band that I had done it. I have never liked hair in my face and this may sound silly given this conversation but I always thought giving a blow job with my hair dangling was sort of slutty. I always either pulled my hair back myself or had my fiancé do it. Rick was not lying about that."
"I realize it may be small consolation but it does not mean that you wanted to have sex with him." I responded.
"Not that it really matters because my fate was probably sealed with the blow job but Rick went on to say that I was very aggressive during the first time. He said that I positioned myself during the blow job with my feet near the head of the bed and that I invited him to put his hands on me. He said that once he put his mouth on me there was nothing he could do to stop me." And again she looked down and chuckled almost in self pity. "To make a long story longer, he said I was in complete control as I got on top of him and rode him straight to orgasm. I really had no reason not to believe him."
"Wow", I responded, "So, you were stuck."