Study Buddy

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The characters sexualized in the story are all 18 or older.

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I spent Sunday in a funk. I had breakfast, did laundry and caught up on some coursework. I knew we made the right decision, but I just felt bummed. I decided to call the monk for a gut check.

"Hey man, what's up?" He asked after we grated each other.

"Remember that scenario I told you about a few weeks ago?" I asked.

"Sure. How are things going?"

"It has run its course. I got what I needed. I think it was a win win win, but now I feel really empty."

"How much did you feel for each other?" He asked.

"It got really intense. I had to end things, it sounded like she was feeling the same. I didn't really want it to end but I felt I had to before it got to be too much," I shared.

"How many times did you get together?" He inquired.

"Only three, but we already were meeting three times a week after class to talk and stuff. I really hope that can continue. She has been a really good friend. It will suck so much more if that ends too," I was panicking.

"You really love her, don't you?" Jeff could tell what I was feeling.

"Dude, I don't know why I get like this. I just give myself over so fast."

"Ever since I've known you, it's been the same. You'll be ok. You always are. It takes time."

He was right. I'd been there before. I was familiar with the feeling.

"Thanks man. I appreciate it," I said

"No problem. Talk soon" he said as we hung up.

The rest of the day dragged on. I felt lost, mostly.

On Monday after class, Sandy and I walked out together as usual. I felt ok for the first time since I left the condo on Sunday morning. She asked if we could go to Helmut's which signaled to me she wanted a longer, more private conversation. She was quiet as she drove over there. I was trying to read her facial expression. She looked grim.

As we were seated, I asked, "Are you ok?" I was worried because of her silence.

"No, not really. I really need you just to listen to me for a while. Can you do that?" she asked.

I nodded and she began to tell me about her conversation with Brian. She had told him that we had decided to end our experiment. That I had recognized that my feelings for her were too much and that I needed to stop. Then she proceeded to tell him all the details of our night together and that he became angry. That he couldn't believe she acted like that with me and that she went so far. He said that he didn't know who she was anymore. She had told him that she wanted to be that way with him and he couldn't handle it and that I had loved her enough to give her what she needed. She said he got up and left the house and hadn't come back.

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean for anything like this to happen."

"It's totally not your fault. It's mine and it's his. I'm scared that I really messed up my marriage though. All I can do now is wait and see what happens next. The hard part is that you're the only one I can talk to right now. I really need you to be my friend for a while until things settle down."

"I was so lost yesterday. I was afraid you wouldn't want or be able to continue our friendship. I'll always be happy to be your friend. I just didn't imagine this. I can't imagine how you felt yesterday."

"I was angry at him and angry at myself mostly. I was scared that I had really screwed up. And I was missing you. I wanted to call you so you could tell me you loved me. And I couldn't let myself do that so I suffered. Probably like you suffered."

"I do love you, still. It's like I'm mourning a loss. I think it's the loss of letting myself feel things that I probably had no right to feel, but I loved feeling them. I'm really glad that I can still be your friend. I was panicking yesterday when I wasn't sure that could happen."

"It makes me so happy to hear you say those things. I know it probably shouldn't, but I really need to be happy for just a moment."

We had some food and that helped. We hung out until Sandy had to leave to get home for Heather. I felt really sad and scared for her, but calm because I knew I wasn't losing my friend right away.

On Wednesday she looked much better. She told me that Brian had come home and apologized. He had just walked around all night talking to himself, slept in his truck and called in sick to work. He went to a bar when it opened at 11 and got stinking drunk and then he got some food and coffee, sobered up and came home.

He realized that he reacted badly and while he was still processing his own feelings, he acknowledged that I had done the right thing and he said that after he got over the feelings of betrayal and jealousy, he realized that he himself was as responsible as she was. He had agreed to the experiment and he had created the situation where her needs and desires were not met.

She had asked if it were ok if she and I remained friends and he had said that was fine. That he trusted me more that he trusted either her or himself at that moment and that I was the least responsible for their current situation. She said that Brian had suggested that they see a counselor to help them both work through this together. Finally she shared that she had told Brian about my offer to babysit so that they could have time together. He was shocked that I would offer and how that even came up. She had to confess to him that she had told me how she had been enjoying the date part of our times together and that she felt that she and Brian had neglected that part of their relationship. He was stunned that I had offered to help them like that.

"So it sounds like you guys are going to be ok then?" I said hopefully.

"I am hopeful. I've never made him angry or jealous like that before. It really surprised me. It will take a while to work through, I'm sure," She said.

"I'll be here if you need to talk. I don't know what else I can offer."

Things kind of went back to normal. Sandy and I hung out after class like friends. She told me little bits about how things were going with Brian and it sounded good. Then a couple weeks later Sandy hit me with a request to meet with their counselor. Suffice it to say that I was unprepared and pretty freaked out.

"What does he want? What should I say?" I asked, panicking.

"It's she, and I think she wants your perspective on me and our relationship. I've told her pretty much everything and I think she just wants to hear it from you. Just tell her the truth as much as you can. You don't have to if it's too freaky. I can't imagine this is comfortable for you."

"You know I'll do pretty much anything for you if it'll help," I offered.

"I do."

I met with the counselor the following Tuesday in the afternoon. I hadn't been to see a counselor since I was in junior high school. I was more than a little nervous. Her name was Dr. Davenport.

"Welcome, Rob. I'm a little surprised but really glad you came. Please call me Amy. I realize how much courage it requires for you to come and endure this today. It speaks to your character, which by the way both Brian and Sandy have spoken of very positively.

What I'm trying to do is to get from you a unique perspective that can shed some light on Brian and Sandy's rather unusual situation. What I'd like to do is to ask you questions and you answer as honestly as possible. You can always decline or tell me that a question makes you uncomfortable. Ok?" She explained.

"Sure. I'll do my best."

"Rob, why did you agree to meet with me today?"

"Because I hope it can help my friend strengthen her marriage. I feel I owe her that as I was a party to the mess that resulted from our experiment," I stated.

"How did you and Sandy become friends, I never really asked her about that."

"It started as a project partnership for a course that we both had. We found that we enjoyed talking to each other after class beyond just the project. I got to know her and some of her life story. I was struggling in my emotions about a missed opportunity with a girl I had been infatuated with who was killed in an auto accident. I sort of parked my infatuation on Sandy. Then I accidentally exposed my infatuation although Sandy already knew. I told her about Carol and how I had missed opportunities to get with her over and over because I lacked confidence and asked for her insight and advice. She was open and candid and shared some helpful insights."

"Did you have any notion that she had feelings for you at that time?" Amy asked.

"Not really, but I'm a dumb guy. I don't pick up the signals well. She did say she was flattered when I told her I was infatuated with her. I didn't really think about that at the time."

"When did you first become aware that she had feelings for you?" She inquired.

"Brian told me when I had dinner at their house. I still don't think I understood then either. But I was pretty shocked by what he told me, so my brain was struggling to keep up."

"What did he say?"

"He said that she had asked for permission to help me with my confidence problem and that now that he had met me he understood why she loved me," I said.

"Did you think when he said that she was attracted to you? That she wanted to have sex with you?"

"I kinda knew she was attracted to me, but it never really occurred to me that she might want to have sex with me. It was more that she was willing to do that to help me. I was thinking in the context of my own feelings for her. As a friend, that I wanted to be for her."

"What do you mean you wanted to be for her?"

"You know, to be for another. Making her the subject instead of the object. Giving myself in order to be highly valued."

"You're an existentialist? Do you always approach girls in this framework?" She had raised an eyebrow.

"I read Sartre in high school. It explained things about how I felt already that made sense. No, not always. I can be as selfish as the next guy, but not when I approach from afar. When I get infatuated I really ratchet up the value of the girl in my mind. Even more if we're friends first."

"I'm guessing most girls find you intense?" She almost laughed.

"Brian said the same freaking thing. What is it with you people?" I asked, feeling annoyed.

"You're much more introspective and self aware than any nineteen year old male I've ever met. You're still immature, but way ahead of your peers. Girls your age are threatened by it, but for someone older like Sandy or even me you're like catnip. You gave her love and attention that she craved without even knowing it, just by being her friend. She may have not even realized how much she needed or craved it until you connected," she said.

"How were your sessions with Sandy?" She inquired.

"She suggested that we start with a date, so that the context would feel normal to me. She also felt it would be less transactional," I said

"What do you mean transactional?"

"I'm not sure. It was her word. I'm my head I thought of a prostitute. The date idea definitely made it feel more normal," I explained.

"Did she have some form of lesson plan worked out?"

"I don't think so, most of the time it felt like she was improvising. She would do something, let me experience it and then explain it later. Lead by example, debrief, then set expectations and let me try on my own. Initially I had thought it would feel weird or awkward but it didn't."

"Tell me about the first date."

"We went to Inter Urban Downtown. We had a nice dinner. She kissed me as we stood up to leave in public. She explained in the car about social signaling and how a girl showing affection in public may be marking her territory or signaling that she is willing to go further in private. Then we went to Swan Lake and I kissed her and we kissed a second time and it escalated so fast that I got scared and locked up. We talked through it and decided I needed to learn how to slow down. Oh and she confessed then that she wanted to make love to me, for me to take her, to have that pleasure. But that was not the purpose and she came up with an idea to help me slow down."

"Interesting. What did she do?" She asked

"We went back to the condo that Brian had arranged through his law firm. We had a drink and then she had me meet her in the bedroom in five minutes. When I got there she was in lingerie. She slowly stripped my clothes off and teased me with her lips and tongue over all my erogenous zones except one for twenty minutes until I was absolutely on fire, then she fellated me until I came in her mouth. I kissed her after."

"You kissed her after. Damn. Did she talk to you... during?"

"Yes, she said very complimentary things and some sexy things. She gave some instructions but it didn't feel like that. It felt like she was leading me."

"Was that the end of the session?"

"No. I wanted to return the favor, so I followed her example and teased her until she was really worked up and then I went down on her. She had a really intense climax and we talked through what we were both feeling. I remember telling her that I suddenly found her hips were the sexiest thing ever and that they made me want to have a baby with her. She acted like that was the nicest thing anyone had said to her in a long time. Then we slept together until early morning. I told her how I loved the intimacy of sleeping together naked in each other's arms but it was bittersweet because it couldn't continue. She said she had missed that same intimacy in her marriage. Then we showered together and dressed and left."

"Jesus Rob, no wonder she's in love with you. Everything you said to her makes her feel desired in ways that she desperately needs and wants. If you said those things to a girl your age they would totally freak out and run away. If you said them to me I'd probably screw you into the mattress. I'm surprised Sandy didn't do you that night."

"Wow, I never really thought about those things. How was I supposed to know?" I felt like she was accusing me of something.

"Rob, there is no way you could. You did nothing wrong. You were just honestly expressing your feelings and you hit a nerve without knowing. Let me ask this. Did you learn things from Sandy? Did she really help you?" She asked.

"I learned a lot. I feel she did help me, but I really won't know until I put the learning into action. But with all this *drama* with Sandy and Brian, I'm not in a hurry," I said.

"So on the second date she took your virginity and you gave her six orgasms?"

"We ran into my parents at the restaurant. She took my virginity missionary, then we sixty-nined, then she rode me to three climaxes, we took a break and then doggie for two climaxes. Seven."

"What a lucky girl. Do you guys talk during sex? After?" She asked.

"A little during. Mostly just compliments and saying what we like or want. A lot after. Recap and saying how we felt during and how we feel about each other. "

"Interesting. Ok what about the last session, the one that blew up."

"We went to the restaurant. She was dressed in a short skirt. She was very affectionate, then after dinner she went to the bathroom and removed her bra and panties. She came back and wanted me to finger her under the table. It took her less than two minutes to climax. We got caught by the waiter. We went and fucked in the car in the parking lot. Then we went back to the condo. While we were driving we recapped and then we confessed that we both wanted to be with the other forever, but were not going to go there. We talked about what we did in the restaurant as a roller coaster ride. It's fun but nobody lives at six flags. I asked her if she could show me how to become the ride for my partner. She wanted me to use her body for my pleasure, to own her. That made me really uncomfortable. I was sure I would lock up. I really wanted to give her what she wanted, I can't remember all the nasty sexy things we said to each other. I finished. I did what she wanted. I didn't lock up or chicken out."

"So she told me. Did you really offer to babysit so she and Brian could go out together? It seems so incongruous," She asked.

"I did, before the restaurant. Sandy slipped and mentioned that it had been a long time since she and Brian had had a nice date. Then I offered again after."

"What do you mean slipped?"

"On our first session we had agreed we wouldn't talk day to day stuff on our dates."

"And you offered to babysit again after dinner?" She asked.

"No, after..."

"After you fucked her in all three holes," She mocked.

"And after she and I had come to the conclusion that this experiment had to end, that we both felt too strongly about the other."

"You decided that, lying naked together in bed after the hottest role play sex in the history of the universe?"

"Yeah and it still hurts. But I know it was the right thing."

"Sandy told me much more detail about the last session. She was so proud of you. You really made her happy. You were truly good for her," She shared.

"Are they gonna be ok?"

"I think so. I know it seems weird, but I'm gonna recommend that they take you up on that babysitting offer. I think it could be healing for everyone," she said adding, "Did you have anything you wanted to ask?"

"In your experience, is this situation unusual?"

"Yes, while it's fairly common for married partners to become dissatisfied with their sex life, it's rare when they seek permission from their spouse for extramarital sex. The fact that this was all done in the light with full disclosure between marriage partners I've never heard of. That the left out partner loses their cool is almost guaranteed. What is most interesting to me is how your teenage self ended up in this very adult situation and are still trying to help, not running away. I find that fascinating," She opined.

"Not that I didn't think about it," I admitted.

"I'll bet. Thanks for coming and telling your side of this story. I hope everything goes well for you, Rob," She said, ending the conversation.

On Wednesday Sandy and I hung out in the student union after class.

"How did you like Dr. Davenport? How did your session go?" She asked.

"It was ok. I guess I learned a little about us and why we clicked so fast. She seemed to think I was an anomaly. She made some funny comments though," I shared.

"Like what?"

"Like... She said she was surprised you didn't do me after what I said to you at the end of our first session. She said she would have screwed me into the mattress. After I described our second session she said you were a lucky girl. Then she said that we had made the decision to end our experiment while we were naked in each other's arms after the hottest role play sex in the history of the universe," I said chuckling.

"She's into you. It's super unprofessional, but there it is," Sandy said.

"Really? How is that possible?" I asked.

"She has a high sex drive, like me. When I was telling her about our sessions, I could tell she was getting really turned on. She's divorced. She went through with her husband what Brian and I went through, but he couldn't accept that she wanted more sex and romance than he could give so he asked for a divorce. She gets me and she has been really encouraging to Brian. Look, I love you but I can't give you what she can. If you're interested it would probably work at least the physical part. Think about it. It could be good for you. She could keep your balls drained for the rest of your college career. Besides that, she's pretty hot, dontcha think" she said wiggling her eyebrows.

I was blown away. Once again I find myself in an adult situation that was confusing and shocking.

"I'm not sure what to make of that. But thanks for laying it out for me. One more thing. She said she might recommend to you guys to take my offer for babysitting."

"Whoa, really? I'll need to talk to her about that. I know you said that, and it was a nice gesture, but would you really do that? It might get weird with Brian," She was thinking.