"Mom, I suck at gambling!"
I looked at the countenance of my nineteen-year-old daughter.
We had come to Las Vegas early for my niece's destination wedding. The nuptials were three days in the future. This was our first mother-daughter trip in so long. It was the first real one since the funeral.
"That's not surprising, darling. The house always wins," I answered.
"No. I know the odds are against me. Well, I know that now!"
"What happened?" I asked. She could never hide bad news from me.
"Well, do you remember Rodney Slifer from the pool yesterday? The tall one in the speedo?"
I could easily place him. Wealthy, and unctuous, His eyes tried to dissolve my bikini with X-ray vision. He was eleven years older than Stacy. Ten years younger than me. The sort of drip who still reads lad magazines in his thirties and jots his phone number on the bill when he is served by a pretty waitress. Yiech!
"The supposed internet entrepreneur?"
"That's him!"
"I told you to stay away from him. He's too old for you."
"But he's rich!"
"He's also a titanic jerk!"
"I know."
This was getting us nowhere. I placed my hand on her shoulder and made her meet my eyes. "Spill it!"
"Oh, mom. I'm never gambling again! Not even for a stick of gum!"
"What happened?"
"Well. I ran into Rodney at the high rollers table. Blackjack."
"How much did you lose?"
"Well, at the start I won big. Then I lost it all. Rodney started spotting me."
"You took that asshole's money?"
"I planned to break even, but..."
"How much?"
"I owe Rodney thirty thousand dollars," she replied softly as if the amount would be less if it was not spoken.
"Jesus Christ, Stacy! How could you let that happen?"
"I was positive my luck would turn around."
"Jesus! We can't afford that!" I struggled to contain my anger.
"Rodney did give me an alternative."
"I'll bet the pervert did. You are NOT sleeping with him!"
"He doesn't want me. He wants you."
"Come again?"
"Yes, Rodney said, forgive me, Mother, I'm quoting. Rodney said that you are the most supreme MILF he had ever encountered and that you were without question hell between the sheets whereas I would be like a blowup doll. Anyway, if you spend the weekend with him. He will burn my IOUs."
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"
The tears Stacy had successfully held back to this point began to flow.
"He said if you turned him down. He would see to it that the casino got my notarized IOUs and they would be added to our bill."
"You stupid little girl! You moron! I can't manufacture thirty thousand bucks! The only way we could come up with that much cash at once is by raiding the college fund your late father left you. You know what a college education for you meant to him!"
Stacy sniffed. "Mom, you can't make me feel any worse than I already do. At least you can talk about the situation with Rodney. He's holding a table for you at brunch in the Desert Room."
"Gah!" I yelled in frustration. "You whored out your own mother?"
"You don't have to do anything, mom. Talking to him won't hurt. Maybe you can convince him to let me off the hook. You have forty-five minutes to get ready."
"I should have strangled you in your crib!"
"Mom! I'm sorry. I'm really, really, sorry."
"Your pussy isn't the one getting you out of your predicament, honey."
"I thought I could come home with some money to make things easier for us."
"Stacy, get-rich-quick schemes never work" I rolled my eyes. "We will talk in detail about this later. Your irresponsible behaviors have to come to an end."
"Mom. I... I..."
She looked at me with her huge blue eyes. Her chin was quivering like it did when she got in trouble as a toddler. She was my beautiful, blonde, innocent, and wonderful daughter once more. I took her in my arms and hugged her for a long time until her tears stopped.
Calming Stacy down left me very little preparation time for the most unwanted date of my life. A quick shower and then into a conservative pair of slacks and an oversized sweater. I'd be damned before I put myself on display for him! I found Rodney in the Desert Room, looking every inch, the cat who ate the canary. He pulled out my chair for me like the gentleman he was not.
"The lovely Mrs. Anderson, in the flesh," he cracked wise.
"Stow it, jerk! What do I have to do to get Stacy out of her pickle."
"The fact that they don't bullshit is one of the reasons I adore older women. We'll discuss that after we start to dine."
I ordered the most expensive items on the menu, even though this encounter left me with little appetite. We sat in silence for a while. I was still working up my response.
"I must say that you fill a bikini better than your daughter."
I rolled my eyes.
"Coming from you that means less than zero."
He smiled and returned with,
"No, less than zero is the chance I'll let Stacy off the hook."
"You can afford to lose thirty thousand dollars."
"No one can "afford" to lose thirty thou. I am willing however to write it off for the right incentive."
"Which is?"
"Didn't Stacy tell you?"
"I want to hear how nauseating a human being you are with my own ears."
"You are so sexy when you are angry It brings such sparkle to your eyes."
"Stop dicking around, dick!"
"Very well."
From below the table, his hand came up. He placed an ornate jeweled collar on the table. Those were not rhinestones! Those were real diamond chips and cut gems! I looked from the collar to his dark eyes and sober expression.
"The only way I burn your daughter's IOUs is if you appear at my hotel room door at six P.M. tonight, wearing your sexist dress and this collar. Until Sunday at Six P.M. sharp, you are my loyal, obedient, and ever-so-adventurous pet. You will do anything and everything I ask of you."
It was out now. I took a deep breath.
"No limits?"
"This is a trust exercise."
"No pain. No permanent alterations to my body." I demanded.
"Fine, so long as you are not morose, whiny, recalcitrant, and wooden. If you are fun, vivacious, and up for anything, those threats are off the table."
"I can't stand you! why would I want to spend any time with you?"
"Good students endure lecturers they can't stand and books written archaic prose to get a shiny diploma. Your diploma will be watching your daughter's IOUs go up in smoke."
"You are such a bastard!"
"My mom may have played around but that is not germane to this conversation."
"This is blackmail!"
"Actually, it's consensual. You, Mrs. Paula Anderson, don't have to do anything. I am entitled to be reimbursed for the money I loaned your daughter."
"You are older and theoretically wiser."
"It's not my problem that she has a gambling problem."
"Stacy would not have bet so much if you weren't funneling her money."
"Which came first? The chicken or the egg?"
"You are insufferable!"
"None of the things you have said even approach no."
I sighed, "Why me?"