"You're up early, sweetheart."
"Oh, hi. Yes, I couldn't sleep. Can I get you anything?"
"A cup of coffee?"
"Sure. Just a sec, okay," she said.
As she poured his coffee, she put it in his favorite travel mug. He was dressed in his uniform and ready to leave so sitting down with her was out of the question.
"How long will you be gone this time?" she asked him.
"Five day. A week tops. Just depends on how things go in Tokyo. With any luck I'll be out of there by Wednesday then head over to Singapore, spend two days then head back."
"And worst case is a week?" she said not wanting to get emotional.
"Yes. Why? Is everything okay?" he asked in his normal, always-kind, considerate way.
"Oh, sure. Just wondering. That's all."
She steeled herself, turned around, smiled and handed him the mug.
"There you go. Just the way you like it."
"Honey? You know how badly I want to make captain, right? And the only way I can do that is to show the airline I'm a team player. I hate being gone—away from you—but it's just temporary. Once I do make captain things will settle down. You'll see."
She smiled, kissed him on the cheek, then told him, "You better hurry. Don't want to be late, right?"
He smiled back then told her, "No. That wouldn't be good."
He looked down at the mug, thanked her for it, then said, "Hey. When I get back, maybe we can do something."
"Like?" she said almost letting herself feel hopeful—again.
"I don't know. Whatever you want. You choose. Think about it and let me know, okay? Gotta run."
"Okay, sure. Bye," she said weakly as the sadness engulfed her again.
After ten years of marriage she thought she'd have learned by now. They couldn't have children, and work was everything for him. Oh, sure. She knew he still loved her. In fact, he told her that all the time. He really was kind, caring, and polite. But his kindness was killing her while the endless loneliness was tearing her apart. Worst all, the continual self-deception was such a part of her life she now had trouble telling fantasy from reality.
Even now, she found herself believing he really would take her somewhere special. Somewhere they could talk and laugh the way they used to, and were she to push her 'new-normal reality' to its limits, they would go somewhere romantic and make love. But in her heart of hearts, she really did know that was nothing but wishful thinking. It had been so long since he'd shown any interest in her that way she had trouble remembering when things were different.
She'd tried to pinpoint when it all had changed several times, but she still had no answer. It had all been so gradual. It had snuck up on her slowly but steadily. Lovemaking became sterile then infrequent before just sort of...fading away. There were no more surprise phone calls, no romantic sticky notes, no weekend getaways. There were just these never-ending, desperate feelings of sadness and loneliness.
The trips grew longer and then they grew more frequent. He'd still shown interest in her when he came home, but that slowly faded, as well. Now, his time at home 'with her' was spent in their home office working on one thing or the other for the airline or hanging out with his new best friend.
It had gotten so bad that at one point about a year ago, she'd hired a private investigator to go through the files on his computer. She'd almost wished there'd been evidence of another woman; proof of an affair. But it really was all work related. Work was his mistress and his one true love. His beautiful wife was now little more than a comfortable friend. A roommate. A permanent fixture that was always there for him no matter how little he was available for her.
Parker Blackman had just turned 33. Her husband, Kurt, was now 37 and was finishing his last year of active duty as an Air Force pilot when they'd met eleven years ago. He was tall and handsome and she'd fallen hard for him. In less than a year she'd gotten engaged and married then moved away from her parents home in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. She'd left home to attend and graduate from the University of Florida in Gainesville, but Fort Walton was where she'd been born and raised.
She'd just come back home (out of financial necessity) and was knee-deep in student loans, and needed a temporary job in the worst way. She also needed as much time away from her overbearing, judgmental mother, so she took the first job she could find and ended up delivering drinks at a local bar where fighter jocks from nearby Eglin Air Force Base hung out.
In spite of growing up with military people all around her she'd never once dated anyone in the Air Force or any branch of the military for that matter. Her mother's home was just a few miles from Eglin, and Naval Air Station Pensacola was just a few more miles to the west. Parker wanted no part in moving around every few years, and while she'd planned to settle down near home, she was willing to relocate as long as she wouldn't be relocating very often. In fact, any relocation away from her overbearing, sanctimonious mother sounded pretty damn wonderful to her most of the time.
Parker wanted a career, but even more so she wanted a family. When Kurt was hired by Northwest Airlines, she happily moved to a suburb of Seattle, Washington which was just about as far from her mother and her annoying self-righteousness as she could get, and where they'd lived ever since.
She didn't hate her mother, Sandra, by any stretch. In fact, she loved her a lot. Parker just couldn't take any more of what her mother called 'the Spirit-filled life.' When Sandra converted to Pentecostalism, Parker had just turned 16 and wanted no part of it. Her mom became so deeply immersed in the cult that her father began drinking heavily and moved out the following year. Every day had been a living hell as her mother removed all things 'sinful' from their home including their televisions, the stereo, the radio, and finally Parker's cell phone. All that was on top of the non-stop haranguing about lust, sin, and the evils of boys and fornication.
She'd gone across town to live with her father, but he'd turned to his own form of escape from the world in the form of Mr. Jack Daniels to the point where living with him was no better than living with her mom. Parker floated between parents until she went off to college where she worked full time while also taking a full course load. Her dad paid for most of her room and board leaving her with 'just' tuition, books, fees, and other essentials. Fun was an essential and she'd precious little of it even as her friends partied endlessly and studied in between.
So by the time she met Kurt, she was more than ready to fall in love and the hell out of Fort Walton, Florida.
She and Kurt had moved only once and it was a local move from a mid-sized city to a smaller, rural area about 25 miles southeast of the Sea-Tac Airport, which was Kurt's home base of operations. They were making decent money, and Kurt had always wanted a farm or a ranch so they bought a very nice home on a 10-acre plot of land. It was more of a small ranch than a farm, but there were no animals of any kind on it.
Three years ago, Kurt had bought her two horses when his time away was really getting out of hand as was his near-total-lack of interest in lovemaking with her. It was a sincere gesture on his part, but to Parker, it seemed like he was trying to buy her off or assuage his guilt. Either way, horses were no substitute for the love and tenderness she so desperately craved, but she soon found herself spending as much time with them as possible.
Parker had never even ridden a horse, but she found someone to teach her at the stables where the horses were kept and cared for, and soon found herself looking forward to going for a morning ride in the cool, crisp air as often as she could. There had been many days since when she'd felt closer to her horses than she did to her husband, and once Kurt was gone, she planned to head to the stables and go for a ride.
For now she was stuck at home, a very big home where, ten years later, she had pretty much everything money could buy. And yet in spite of all the luxury surrounding her, she was more lonely than she could have ever imagined. Yes, she had friends, but human friends were only slightly better than her equine friends as they couldn't hold her or love her, either—at least not the way she was dying to be loved and held.
She watched Kurt drive off then grabbed her coat and purse before setting the alarm on their state-of-the-art security system and leaving the house herself.
The drive to the stables was pleasant and she never tired of the evergreen forests on either side of the winding country road. The rain was another matter, but today it was unseasonably warm and sunny with an afternoon high of 62 degrees expected. That would be downright chilly in the Florida panhandle, but was considered rather balmy for northwest Washington state during October.
"Parker! Nice to see you," the manager told her as she made her way to the front office to pay the monthly boarding fees.
She only knew his first name—Pete—and he was as nice a man as she'd ever met. He was probably close to 50 and was unfailingly warm and friendly. He wasn't what she'd call attractive, but were he—and she—suddenly single and interested in her, she could see herself overlooking a whole lot of physical flaws to be around someone who made her feel like she mattered. Then again, there was only so much stretching she could take and Pete, as nice as he was, would push it to the limit.
