With apologies to the shade of D. H. Lawrence, but the title was just too good to miss!
*
She was gazing through the window overlooking the pool, when Fran came up beside her, handing her a tall glass, frosted with dew.
"Thanks, Fran, I need that on a day like this," she said, but her attention was outside. Fran moved alongside her, and the two women gazed at the view.
"Penny for them," said Fran.
"Just thinking that it's over two years since I last got laid."
Fran laughed. "And what prompted
that
, Susan Ellis?"
"Your son, Fran, as if you didn't know."
"Ah, my son. What is it, Sue? His incredible good looks, taking after his mother as he does? His swimmer's physique? His boyish charm? His friendly personality?"
"All of those, Fran, but mostly the size of the bulge in his swim shorts."
Fran laughed. "I thought it might be. Yes, Todd seems to be well developed where it might matter to a sex-starved woman. I can name another likely stud, too."
"Oh, yes. Who?" said Sue, interested, almost despite herself.
"Your own son."
"Joe? You're joshing me!"
"Nope. I think Joe might be as big as Todd."
Susan stared at her friend for a long, long, moment, and then burst into laughter.
Fran frowned. "Come on, Sue, share it. What's so funny?"
"Us. That's what's funny. Two divorced, middle-aged women discussing the relative size of each other's son's dick. That's what's funny."
"Sue, you said you hadn't been laid in over two years. Well, it's longer than that for me, three, almost four."
Sue reached out and squeezed her friend's hand. "I know, sweetie, I know. Life's a bitch sometimes, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess. What are we going to do about it? Put on our shortest skirts and our lowest-cut tops and go down to the Roadhouse, see if we can pick somebody up? I don't think so, do you? Honestly? And why have you started looking all thoughtful?"
Sue smiled, gesturing towards the window. "The answer is out there."
"Fuck my
son?
No way!"
"Sorry, Fran, didn't make myself clear. Not you. Me. And you with Joe."
There was a long silence, as Fran stared at her friend. Sue tilted her head, a half-smile on her face, until Fran gave her a wry grin. "Nice thought, Sue, very nice, but would Joe go for a woman twice his age?"
"In general terms, no, I don't think so. Would he go for you? I think he very probably might, given the right incentive."
"And that is? I'm not paying for sex, Sue."
"Not asking you to, sweetie. Joe likes you, Fran. He likes you very much, quite apart from being his best friend's mother. I was cleaning his room, and accidentally dislodged a pile of his college work. I was just going to pick it up and put it back, when I spotted a photo. Remember, about this time last year? When the four of us went to the beach?"
"Ye-e-s?"
"And you were wearing your red bikini?"
"Oh, god!" Fran groaned. "That one that was about three sizes too small?"
Sue grinned. "That's the one. Joe had his camera. I suspect we weren't paying attention, but Joe took a photo of you in that bikini." Sue grinned. "I say this myself, girl, you looked hot in that photo!"
Fran flushed. "I felt hot. Hot with embarrassment."
"Didn't show. Anyway, Joe has that photo, near his bed. I suspect he might use it for jack-off material."
Fran blinked, startled, and then laughed. "Oh, my god! Me, the stuff of masturbatory fantasies! You must be mistaken, Sue, you must."
"Well, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. But that's beside the point. If Joe wanted you, would you have him?"
"Seriously?" said Fran, and Sue nodded, her smile broadening as Fran went on. "Yes, I would! They say young men are best handled by experienced women, and I think I'd like to find out if it's true." Fran grinned, wry. "But will it happen? I suspect not."
"I'd have to say exactly the same about me and Todd, so if you have any ideas, let's hear them."
Fran looked at her friend, really looked at her, for a long, long, moment, then took a long swallow from her glass, draining it. "I'll get refills, and we'll talk about this."
*
Joe and his mother had just finished supper when she started to turn his world upside down, and probably inside-out, too, truth be told. "Joe?
"Yes, Mom?"
"Sorry for the personal question, son, and the timing, too, but it's important. Are you still a virgin?"
He stared at her for a moment, a little shocked, a lot more surprised, but they'd always been honest with each other, and he shook his head, although he could feel his face flush. "No, Mom. Not since second semester at college."
"Good experience?" He couldn't stop the grin and Sue smiled. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Yes, Mom. It was a good experience." Joe grinned, his flush fading. "Very good, in fact. But why is it important? Why the sudden inquisition?"
"Fran?"
"Aunt Fran? What about her?"
"She hasn't been laid in over three years, is getting frustrated, and wants some action. But she wants good sex with no ties, from someone she likes, someone she trusts. I suggested you."
"
You
suggested
me?
" Joe was startled. "Why me?"
"You like her."
Joe snorted. "True, but she is my best friend's mother, and your best friend, too, as far as I can tell, apart from being a good-looking, friendly neighbor."
"Yes, son, she is. But we were talking about Fran. She's attractive. Good figure, keeps herself fit."
"Also true, but so are you attractive and fit, Mom. And also with a good figure."