Continuing thanks to Mrsgnomie, the one keeping me on track, with my writing and my life. Without her, I'd be lost. Shout out to dnsontn; a friend and avid supporter.
I hope y'all stay with me for the duration of the story, it won't always be random sex and sweaty orgasms. I wish it could be, but my life doesn't always work out the way I want it to.
=========================
So here I am, driving from Scottsbluff, Nebraska to Cheyenne. I'm tired, I'm pissed, and I'm on the edge. My Scottsbluff store had an inventory today, and what should have been a 6-hour piece of cake was instead a 12-hour ordeal The inventory company didn't have enough people, and half the ones there apparently got high before showing up.
Ah well, it is what it is. This seems to be my continuing mantra as one-day rolls into the next.
It is what it is
.
The drive is nice, nothing but a 100-mile straight shot. It's dark, the weather is good and I have Journey "Open Arms" coming loud through the car speakers. Just a clue, I have a playlist of power ballads and tear-jerker oldies for drives like this. Yes, I'm a freak but I like to delve into the depths of the sorrow of my non-existent love life when I drive.
As I'm driving, I review my life choices up to this point; I'm a 58-year-old bisexual man who left his wife of 38 years because he tired of being the cause of everything wrong in her life, a man no longer satisfied living in a state of mere existence. I pulled up stakes, drove away, left everything to her, and started fresh. It was a dick move, most definitely. But I think it was a necessary move? To my mind, it prevented my early, self-induced, death.
This knowledge does little to bolster my confidence as I review my life since leaving the old one behind. Driving on a lonely highway, sad songs blasting on my speakers and systematically analyzing the clusterfuck of my new life, and honestly, I find I'm unimpressed with my choices thus far:
I get wrapped up in a cuckold threesome with a young couple against my better judgment, and got exactly what I had expected; great sex and a deep loathing for the two of them. Then, I drop to my knees and suck the cum out of my bartender like I'm some desperate slut. Granted, Paul did have one of the most attractive cocks I've seen in person, but still...
Finally, I start fucking my realtor, for no other reason than she's cute, horny as fuck, and likes bathing in my cum. I have nothing to show for these dalliances other than a deepening realization that I am utterly unsatisfied and fairly disgusted with myself.
On the bright side, I did make a good friend in Shawna, though we have missed a few coffee dates over the past few weeks. I suspect that my encouragement for her and her son Jack to intensify their relationship has borne fruit. She hasn't said anything to me about it, but she has seemed distracted when we do have time together and strangely silent on the subject of him though it used to be the bulk of her topics of conversation. I'm happy for her, for them, but it saddens me that she seems to need me less and less, as a companion and confidant.
The other brightness in my life is my online friend, Sarah (
yes, my best relationship is a virtual one
). She lives a thousand miles away and we've only chatted online. I've never seen more than an obscured picture of her face, but that's irrelevant, it is her friendship that is valuable to me. She is the only person I've talked to with which I feel connected.
My life review makes it evident to me that I am pretty pathetic. I know it, and I can live with it because; I'm not ugly, I'm not stupid, I have a cute dick (
that works just fine thank you very much
), and my hairy body screams "Daddy Love!", so fuck you, I'm all that and a bag of chips.
Anyway... I'm thinking about my fucked-up approach to my new life and why in the world I would fall into sexual relationships with people I have no connection to when all I've wanted in my new life is peace, quiet, and maybe someone I would feel happy to sit with for an extended period.
As I drive, I realize that I can't see the road clearly, thinking it must be me being tired, I slip my fingers under my glasses to rub my eyes, only to find them wet.
Well, fuck me. Here I am, the pathetic old man I think myself to be, crying over his fucked-up life in the middle of fucking nowhere. I take a deep breath, tell myself to quit being such a fucktard, and spy an exit coming up. I ease over to the right lane and take the Burns Wyoming exit. Pulling over to the shoulder at the bottom of the exit ramp, I take a few deep breaths and think about what is going on in my head.
I realize that Sarah, my online BFF, was right. I need to stop chasing the easy orgasm and enjoy my life the way it is. She tells me that love will follow. I hope one day I'll get to meet her in person and we'll regale each other with the stories of our lives. Do I wish we could sext and send dirty pics? Of course, I'm a guy and a pig. But I don't
really
want that, not now. She is precious to me as she is. Removed, wise, beautiful.
What I do realize is; that I need to keep my shit in my pants. Maybe I'll introduce Joanne to Paul, he and his girl have been on the outs lately, and he does produce a lot of cum... yeah, now I'm getting hard. LOL.
Fuck it. I put the car in drive, swipe my sleeve across my eyes, and make my way home.
I walk into the tavern and wave at Paul. As always, he puts a glass of Maker's at my spot and starts the pull on a Newcastle. I sit down, he sets it down, and turns back to his work. Strange that he isn't his usual self and I suspect it has something to do with the girlfriend issues Shawna mentioned a few times.
"What's up?" I ask him. He looks at me and sighs.