This advertisement appeared in a coastal town newspaper in England:
Arundel beachfront motel seeks a keen and pleasant live-in person to assist management and guests Duties involve servicing machinery and some heavy lifting and excessive noise control. Clean driver's licence required. Generous pay; work hours are generally dawn to dusk with rest periods and Sundays off. Apply in person with references to Veronica, Sunrise Ocean Beach Motel.
Beth Mitchell ripped the advertisement from the newspaper and went out to where the two guys were drinking beer and said, "You loafer, here's a half-decent job for you."
Her husband reached for the paper but Beth said, "Not you silly, it's for our son."
Steve had lost his job recently when caught in the boardroom banging his female manager. He read the ad and asked, "What's a live-in person?"
Beth, a schoolteacher, sighed and said in a tone usually reserved for slow learners, "In that context it means you are required to live on the premises."
"What even if I apply but don't get the job?"
She exploded. "Christ how on earth did you get your degree?"
Laughing, her husband said, "Honey get off your bike, he's pulling your tit."
Beth fumed and hit back yelling, "Murray stop using offensive language."
"Since when did 'bike' become offensive language," her husband chided.
"Fuck you both," she yelled and stomped off.
After taking a swig of beer, Steve suggested, "She must have put the hard word on the school principal and he turned her down."
"That's your mother you are slandering," Murray said, grinning.
"Oops, sorry dad. Perhaps she had a bad day with out-of-control 12-year olds."
"You should have proposed that theory in the first instance," said the easy-going tax consultant. "It's no wonder girlfriends soon dump you; you have no finesse."
"No what?"
"Cut that crap or I'll hang one over your left ear," said Murray, who weighed a ton according to his wife.
At 4:00 next afternoon, Beth came home and although looking much calmer said to her son who was stroking a babe wearing practically nothing, "Did you apply for that job?"
"What job?"
Beth balled her hands into fists.
The big tease said hastily, "Oh yeah that job. I'll call to arrange an interview after Kitty leaves."
"Kitty sweet, be cooperative and go home right now but remember to dress first."
"Yes Mrs Mitchell. It was nice meeting you even if we weren't introduced."
Steve did the decent thing and said, "Kitty this is mum."
"Hi Kitty."
"Hi Mrs Mitchell. I'm Katherine Short."
"I'm sorry about this Katherine but my son needs to be back into work and making it happen."
Beth handed Steve her phone and a photocopy of the advertisement.
* * *
Veronica Black watched the young guy drive up two minutes before his appointed interview time in a black Chevrolet pick-up that he'd inherited from his deceased maternal grandfather.
It was a 1993 Chevrolet 454SS modified short-bed regular cab pickup. It's original 7.4 litre engine had been replaced with a modern smaller and more efficient V8 engine as well as everything else in and under the vehicle capable of being upgraded. Extra creature comforts had been added with his material grandmother picking up the tabs for all upgrading.
Veronica thought the vehicle looked 'pristine' and hoped it meant the driver was keen, tidy and pleasant. Most of the other applicants she'd interviewed had not measured up to the standards she and her husband Phil set for service personnel at their motel.
She watched the guy alight, comb his hair in the exterior mirror and even check his teeth and then he wiped any dust off the tops of his shoes by dragging them across the lower back of his pants and finally he checked the zip of his pants.
Veronica was most impressed.
Steve was also impressed. The motel was one of the best-looking accommodation units he'd looked at when driving along The Parade.
He walked into reception and said, "Good morning. I'm Steve Mitchell and have an appointment to see Mrs Black at 9:00."
"You're late, but only just," smiled the receptionist as they both looked at the wall clock behind her. Please follow me."
He was escorted into the office next door and Mrs Black smiled and her big boobs jiggled and Steve quickly averted his gaze from that minefield.
He'd recalled what a female assistant professor had said to his class: "Never fix your eyes on a woman's breasts who is interviewing you as a job applicant unless you don't want the position or alternatively, for your possible benefit, should you have come into direct contact with a nymphomaniac."
Eva, the receptionist, made the introductions and left, closing the door quietly.
"Welcome Steve but alas you have arrived empty-handed. You were instructed to bring full supportive evidence of your education, your character, your job experience and..."
"I scanned everything and if you check your today's emails it should be there at your disposal."
"Oh, rather modern, are we?"
"One could claim that."
Veronica said she preferred to site paper copies of originals.
"I posted them last night. They ought to reach you in this morning's mail."
Veronica sniffed and said, "Well that's everything covered on that aspect of your application. Please excuse me while I bring up your email."
She glanced at everything, apparently being a speed-reader because she said, "Two things about you concern me. The first is you have a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering so why are you applying for this position?"
"I made my degree choice simply for educational purposes, although since graduation I did work in the design department of a mechanical engineering company and I found that immensely boring."
"So you left because you were bored?"
"No' finding something boring and being bored are not quite the same thing. I was terminated after the chairman's wife found me and my manager, who was their daughter, having sex by mutual agreement on the boardroom table."
Momentarily startled, Veronica said with a faint smile, "It must have been mutual agreement since the act was carried out on a table."
"I would have chosen to do it off-premises but the lady couldn't wait."
Veronica took a deep breath and said, "I see. All I can say is I admire your frankness. I noticed in that company's excellent reference that no mention was made that you had been dismissed."
"The chairman signed that reference and told me he thought his wife had over-reacted but because she was the CEO he felt obliged to support her in this instance because their daughter was married with two children."
"I see and ask if you filled this vacancy, would we be safe?"
"Safe from what?"
"Oh, quite. My other concern is you are young, the position really is best suited for a middle-aged married man with no children."
