It was a Thursday in June and I was doing the laundry at my daughter Julie's house; I had the place to myself, with Julie having gone out for the day with a friend, her husband Rob at work and the kids both in school. Following a change in Julie's medication things had improved over the last few months, but she still had problems and though Rob did his best, he still needed to go to work to put food on their table; Julie wasn't comfortable with my doing her chores, but if I can address them while she's asleep, or better yet, out of the house, we can all pretend that the housework-fairy has done them.
It was late morning when I heard the front door open and saw my son-in-law stride into the room: "Hi Rob, taking time off? Julie's not here, but you must know that; it was you who WhatsApped about Heather taking her out for the day."
"Er yeah, I..., well... I needed to speak to you about something... in private... while Julie and the kids weren't in." That sounded rather ominous?
"Of course love, you know we can talk about anything and I'll do everything in my power to help out, I've told you that often enough too."
"Yeah, I know Sheila... that's why I'm here..." Rob was twisting his hands, moving from foot to foot and looking anywhere but towards me; I was getting increasingly concerned, until and after the deepest of breaths Rob eventually blurted out the words in a rush: "It's Julie's new pills -- we can all see that she's better for them, but they've killed-off our sex life completely -- things haven't been... regular, ever since Nathan was born, but since February she's never said yes to anything -- if I don't get laid soon my balls are going to burst!"
Rob trailed-off into silence, his eyes again averted and his face red with shame; my complexion was no doubt similar, though in my case it was from embarrassment. "Wow, I don't know what you expect me to say. I know how hard you try and how much you've suffered, but to ask me to condone that... your having an affair, while I presumably keep an eye on Julie and babysit the kids for you. I know I've always said that you could ask anything of me, but this... Julie's my daughter; what happens to her and the kids if your fling turns into something more serious? Even if it doesn't, I'm sure we can both imagine Julie's reaction should she discover that you were cheating on her. I'm sorry Rob, but I can't sanction this."
"Nooooooooo! I don't want to have an affair and for exactly the reasons that you've just listed; I meant that I need to get laid and right now, I was hoping that you could... would... well, you know..."
I was gobsmacked! "Oh My God! You meant... I... we... together... having sex? That's crazy, I'm your mother-in-law... is it not incest? Even if it's legal, it's certainly not appropriate! How could you possibly suggest such a thing?"
"Because I'm desperate Sheila and you're the perfect choice. You're not married yourself, so we won't be cheating on anyone else; as far as I know you're not looking for a husband and even if you were, you're certainly not going to try and snag your daughter's. If there's one person in the whole world whom I can rely on not to let Julie find out, that'd be you. I don't want any relationship beyond the one we already have, I just want; no, NEED, to get laid!"
"I'm sorry Rob, but I can't agree to it. If I dropped my panties and spread my legs for you, I'd feel that I'd betrayed Julie, I'd never be able to look her in the eyes again; there must be someone else you could ask?"
"When do I ever get the opportunity to meet other women? I'm either working or at home caring for Julie and the kids; oh I'm sure I could find some professional lady of the night, but how discrete would that be and God knows what I might catch..."