She Was Always Daddy's Girl

She Was Always Daddy's Girl

"Kath, does Lydia ever say much about me?"

That was the question which kicked everything off and although I had no idea at the time was to lead to a lot more than I could ever have envisaged. I had to think for a few moments. We were watching some old snippets from Morecambe and Wise shows and obviously even though I was finding them hilarious it was obvious Desmond had his mind on something else although he had laughed now and again as well. I had concluded that he wasn't really enjoying the programme and had been about to ask did he want a change when he posed the question.

"She always mentions you when she phones yes, tells me what you're all up to but usually it's about the girls naturally enough. She always tells me when you're due over of course but no, not a lot more. Why do you ask, is there something she hasn't mentioned?"

"Oh, no, just wondered."

The comedians took over again and I had forgotten all about his question when the next one came.

"Would she tell you if there was something wrong?"

I was forced to re-focus.

"Desmond love, is there something the matter? Yes, I expect she would tell me she if there was something wrong, but is there? Are the girls alright, school, are they in trouble, is someone ill, she would surely have told me if there was a real problem?"

"No, no Kath don't worry, really, there's nothing like that, it's nothing."

I put off the television.

"Desmond, now listen, there's something bothering you and you've got me worried whether you think it's nothing or not. Now will you tell me please, should I ring Lydia and ask her what's going on?"

"No, there's honestly nothing for you to be concerned about. I just wondered did she talk much about me when you two are chatting, that's all really. Don't worry, put it out of your head."

"Alright but promise me that you will tell me if there is something. You've been quieter than usual this trip and despite what you say I think there's something not right somewhere. I'll listen if something's worrying you so promise me you'll keep it in mind. Now, it's my bedtime.'

I leaned over and hugged him as I passed his chair and when he raised his head kissed his cheek. I took his hand. "Now remember, tell me."

"I will Kath, I promise." He pressed my hand and returned the kiss. "I'm going to bed as well, I'd need to be away fairly early tomorrow."

I finished in the bathroom and had undressed to my underwear as he passed my bedroom door. I was in mid struggle with my girdle just at that moment and looked up as he glanced in.

"Night my love." I said as he stopped for a few seconds and I was certain his eyes had taken in every inch of my body in that short time, my breasts were bare but it wasn't something that bothered me really, he was after all my son in law and what he saw wouldn't exactly have inspired admiration or anything else for that matter. I shouldn't have left the door so far open in any case.

"Night Kath, sleep tight."

Next morning early I was stirring a pan of porridge at the stove when he came downstairs.

"Looks like another lovely start Des, where are you going today?"

"It's Stansted for most of the day Kath." As he passed behind me he gently pressed each side of my hips playfully and laughingly said. "Did you have as much of a struggle getting back into your girdle as you had getting out last night."

"Oh dear it is a bit of a struggle but it's better than those awful corset things we used to wear years ago, it was like being trussed up all day."

"Why do you bother, it's not as if you're going anywhere special or needing to get into posh clothes or something, sure you could leave it off, who's going to notice?"

"You're right, it's vanity I suppose and women of my age or at least my generation sort of have it in their heads that you need to look as trim as possible. There comes a time when no matter what you do things go south or east or west instead of staying put and no matter how hard you try just won't get back where they should be."

"Well I don't know what it's all about, as far as I can see there's not a lot out of place and anyway most folks these days pay no attention to stuff like that, they're able to accept other people for what they are and just get on with things. It's different for youngsters I suppose who have to look as smart and they can in so called high powered jobs, there'll be dozens around the airport today no doubt and they'll have spent hours getting themselves ready, it's all a bit daft as far as I can see. You look fine, really, you look grand and once you get under way again with the bowling and the other stuff you're into everything will improve anyway I bet."

Des had been a real support while my husband had been ill the final time and was able to be here more often which meant we could visit hospital each evening and towards the end he was able to transfer his work here to work from home as it were and stayed almost a month across the time of Robert's death and funeral. Lydia had brought the children when she could but even though they lived just thirty miles from Calais and it was roughly the same to my home on this side it was awkward with the girls at school and all in all it was a hard time for everyone. I hadn't been able to face the bowling club and the art classes and a load of other things I had got caught up in but it's been a long time now and I'd allowed myself to get out of the way of it all, the new season had started and I intended to bowl again. Des was right, it would make a difference to be fully occupied and maybe the girdle could actually disappear.

"I'll be back around five Kath as long as the traffic doesn't go daft although I should be able to finish up pretty sharply. I'll be back there tomorrow in any case so things can wait over."

"Good, well it's your favourite tonight, so it can all go on when you arrive and if there's any hold up it'll not matter."

"I'll look forward to that all day now, ok, I'm off, see you later and have a nice day to yourself."

He kissed my cheek and circled my waist with one arm.

"You see, look, I can almost get one arm right around you, you don't need a girdle." His fingers squeezed into my waist making me wince and giggle and as my bottom pushed into him in avoidance, he put his other arm around me as well.

"It does feel better with two arms right enough and you're just right, your're not fat and your're not thin, just right, built for comfort Kath, couldn't be better." and he gave me another squeeze and pat on my bottom."I'll see you later."

That day, each time I passed a shop window or a mirror I found myself trying very hard to see what Des had seen but each time it appeared to be a pensioner, steadily pushing through her seventies, hair no longer greying but actually grey all over with only a few straggling hairs of it's original black hiding here and there. Strange I thought how there is still more black than grey in my bush, although that is changing fast as well. Isn't it strange the thoughts that cross your mind over the course of a day. How many more people are gazing into shop windows across this town, looking at books and clothes and shoes but actually contemplating the colour of the hair between their legs. I turned away smiling, and it became an even broader smile when I decided....every single one probably.

The same elderly lady gazed at me again from various other windows and each stop did nothing to divert the feeling of things having gone too far. Not only having gone too far but too far in one direction.....south....downwards. There is a definite sag to my bottom or is it just this dress, my belly despite the girdles valiant efforts is obvious and it's also obvious where it's going. Breasts, well they do have a mind of their own and they provide a perfect example of multi directional movement. I've been too lazy and apathetic to actually get fitted for a bra or at least get measured and advised by someone who knows how to tame bosoms which have lost much of their natural support. They are still shapely and full but now there appears to be so much more movement and I do see approaching gentlemen and I must say quite a number or woman who appear to notice my sway from a distance and it is only at the last moment as we pass that their stare moves from my chest to my face and either their obvious incredulity becomes a smile or a lift of the eyebrows and perhaps a mumbled greeting. Des Had noticed though, I'd seen that.

I don't care I tell myself on these occasions but I know I do. Why? I'm not sure, it's not to impress anyone, it's not to please anyone or try to keep someone's interest. It's the feeling or more honestly the acceptance of having given in, of deciding there is little point in carrying on with the struggle and that ends up as disappointment and frustration and probably the refusal to have a tray bake with my coffee when I meet Mavis Atherton later that morning and then back home and on comes the Archers and I decide that another cup of tea and a few chocolate digestives won't make a big lot of difference, just too easy but anyway, what's the point?

"Why won't you Kath, for goodness sake they're no size, it's my treat. I haven't seen you for ages and you do look well, go on have a caramel square, are you off your food, are you ill?"

"Will you stop please Mavis, I'm fine, couldn't be better but I'm happy just with the coffee. Now what's the news?"

"But you always have a caramel square, what's put you off. Have something else, look there's macaroon and those apple turnovers look good, I'll get them to heat one for you...."

"Mavis, will you stop, please. I really, really don't want anything, let me just enjoy the coffee. How's Jim?"

"Jim's Jim Kath, he doesn't change much. I suppose that's for the best really, it's all a routine but at our age that works well enough too although there are times when he'll surprise me with something he'll come up with. Yesterday out of the blue he said "What about giving Skegness a miss this year, we've got a few pounds what about a week or two in Lanzarote or a cruise or something." I mean fifty years we've been going to Skeggie and then later in the year to see the lights at Blackpool, where in heavens name did Lanzarote come from and a cruise, can you see me on a cruise, with my figure. I'd need a whole new set of clothes and a swimsuit, imagine these in a swimsuit." She leaned back from the table and hoisted her bosom in her hands, oblivious to anyone who might notice in the busy cafe.

"What's wrong with them Mavis, you've a lovely chest, you'd look fine."

"Well you're one to talk Kath, you're always complaining about yours, would you wear a swimsuit? Have you been to get measured yet, you said you would. Letty Harshaw is good, you know, in Simpsons, she's very helpful but don't let her sell you a bra they're ten times the price of anywhere else. It'll make all the difference knowing what size you are exactly."

"They say Letty and old man Simpson have something going on, Lily Johnson was saying, you know her daughter works in the shoe department, it appears he's quite a ladies' man, what age is he do you think."

"He went to school with Robert and Robert was seventy eight when he died and he's dead two years this month so Harold Simpson must be about eighty. I saw his wife a few days ago, she always looks so smart, just had her hair done and still has her figure. You'd wonder that Harold needs any more than that surely she's enough for the old bugger."

"There's no such thing as enough for a man, he might not have the nerve or the opportunity Simpson has with all those woman working in the shop but given half a chance they'd all take it, no matter what they're having at home. I see Jim having a sneaky look at many a woman passing us in the street old and young and he's not above having a glance back to take in the bottom and legs. He gets his monthly turn alright but I know perfectly well he'd take more if I allowed it and I'm not after encouraging him."

"You better watch out Mavis or he'll maybe do more than look at the other women."

"Have a bit of sense Kath, it's one thing him looking at them but none of them are looking at him apart from the odd hussy who realises he's only just managed to get his eyes off her chest as she comes towards us, he gets a knowing smile now and again but believe me it's in amusement . He wouldn't dare anyway."

"Heres Lillian, you're late today Lillian, we didn't think you were coming love."

Lillian Maxton gave us each a kiss and sat down with her coffee and a doughnut.

"There, you see Kath, Lillian's having a bun and look at her figure, not a change from twenty years ago, does no harm to treat yourself. You're the trimmest of us all Lillian and you're not a bit slow showing it off, look at the cleavage, now that's what a good fitted bra does for you Kath, where did you get it Lillian?"

"Letty Harshaw measured me at Simpsons and let me try on a couple of bras, they were lovely but over forty pounds each. She said that now I knew exactly what my sizes are to go to Marks and look for something the same, they're just as good quality but miles cheaper. She said they sell enough of the other ones to women who don't think they look good enough in anything under fifty pounds so she just goes along with it. Harry Simpson has given her a good rise lately, she says he told her how much she meant to the business. You know what everyone's saying of course, he's giving her more than a rise."

"Kath and I were just talking about that when you came in. I'm trying to persuade Kath to go and let Letty measure her, she could do the same as you and get a cheaper bra but she doesn't see the point. Anyway Lily Johnsons daughter was saying the staff all know about it. Simpson has a big sofa in his office and there's nights of the week when they're closing Letty would tell Sally Close that she'll not be needing lift home that evening because there's some stocktaking needs doing. Sally's no dope you know and she knows well enough you're not needing to stock take every week. As well as that Harold Simpson drives her home those nights later on and Carol Johnson and a couple of the other women has seen them has seen them. He must be eighty."

"Well I can tell you Lillian, eighty's not some sort of barrier. I was saying to Kath that my Jimmy is just as big a pest now as he ever was and he still has an interest in looking at a good figure when he sees one. He thinks I don't notice. Harold Simpson looks sprightly enough any time I see him and he'll be giving Letty a good going over."

Lillian smiled at me and turned to Mavis again.

"And is Jim giving you a good going over Mavis, has he got you worn out? I must say you're looking well on it, the sex is agreeing with you."

"No he's not, I'm not just some doormat to wipe his feet on when the notion takes him. He gets it every month and he's happy with that."

"How do you know he's happy with that, has he told you, doesn't he try to coax you for more?"

"I've told him enough times that he's had his quota and that does him, he knows not to try anything else or he'll get an earful."

"Well while we're on the subject that's why I'm late this morning, Stan and me have taken to having sex first thing, not every day mind but two or three days a week. It's because he has no trouble keeping an erection early on, some nights it lets him down poor lamb and he gets so frustrated and angry and then starts apologising to me as well because he thinks he's disappointing me. Tell you the truth it's a nice change because recently I've been ready for sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow and it can be difficult getting aroused never mind stay awake. So this morning he was keen again and he was a wee bit longer of finishing and by the time we'd had a doze and then got showered and dressed I was over an hour late getting out"

I said, "Very cosy, you're very lucky Lillian , both of you active well into your retirement, it's probably just tiredness that's up with Stan as well and you know what men are like they don't want to admit defeat. Robert gave up on it all a long time ago, I would have liked more children and I did really enjoy the sex but he was never a particularly sexual man. It was always me who had to start things off but I always had the impression he was waiting for me to tell him when to stop as well, it was never all that successful."

"Anyway Letty Harshaw has no problems either way for Tommy Harshaw will be getting his dues as well although I'm told he knows about Letty and Harry Simpson. I suppose if it doesn't interfere with his enjoyment he'll go along with it and she gets well paid too and all her clothes for nothing. You'd nearly give old Simpson whatever he wanted for that sort of arrangement, wouldn't you Mavis."

Lillian knew exactly how to wind Mavis up and touch a nerve and sex was always a raw nerve because she was such a gossip and judge on everyone else's affairs but such a prude when it came to her own. Stan is a really jovial happy man and Mavis as I said earlier is still a good looking shapely woman in a matronly sort of way, yet she just has this bee in her bonnet about keeping him reined in and I wouldn't be surprised if she's actually cutting her nose off to spite her face. If she'd just face up to it and enjoy the sex with him whenever it was offered but no, she has to have the last word. She just raised her head, sniffed and looked away at Lillian's suggestion.

"Time I was getting back", she said "Jim will be looking for his lunch soon, I'll see you again."

"Bye Mavis, bye Mavis." we chorused as she gathered her bags and got up.

"Look At her," Lillian said, her eyes following Mavis out of the cafe and into the street. "She's still got a good shape , good hair, keeps herself smart and yet she just can't let Jim have any sort of relaxed life in his retirement. You have to be very hard not to respond to a man's desire for you and she should realise by now that he'd never use her as a doormat, that's not fair ,she's so stubborn. I just know she simply withholds to control him. Don't you remember how spirited she was when we were all at school, she could have any of the boys she fancied....and did."

"Lillian it might seem a harsh thing to say but I'd take Jim on anytime. We were together years ago but then he went off to the navy and in the meantime I met Robert. The truth is that I fell pregnant with Lydia soon after and we had to get married and then when Jim came back he got engaged to Mavis."

"But you and Robert were happy wern't you, he was such a nice man?"

"Yes we were happy and I loved him and I love Lydia dearly but he was almost a parallel to Mavis. We had sex regularly before I got pregnant and even up to six months in or so we still managed it sometimes but when it stopped until the baby was born it never really got underway again and although I always tried to make time for him even though Lydia was hard enough work he never had the same desire again and often when we did have intercourse it felt as if he was doing me a favour. So you see I can't help thinking sometimes that if I'd married Jim we might be having that morning sex like you and Stan. It's all water under the bridge now but when I hear how rigid and silly Mavis sounds it all seems such a waste.

"Had you and Jim done it, does Mavis know about it all?"

"She knows we had been together right enough and she may have wondered about it but she would have no idea that we'd been intimate and we were intimate a lot, every time we had a chance in fact and I wanted it as much as he did, anywhere and everywhere. I sometimes wish I'd got pregnant to him instead."

"It's a wonder you didn't with that amount of coupling, well you'd still be hard at it now I expect, the frenzy and the urgency fades but if it's always been a pleasure it remains a pleasure."