First, a little about me. As I write this I am a sixty-three year old, still sexually active, bi, submissive woman. My stories are memories of a kinky life. I am still in the lifestyle. When this adventure started I was a 35 year old straight business consultant living with a loving partner. When 35, I was at about 125 pounds, today 140. I am still 5 foot 7 inches tall, what were 36 Cs are now 38 Ds. I was, I thought, a perfect 36-24-39 now I'm a perfect 38-29-42. I am gifted with green eyes.
In June I met a new man, Francis, while volunteering for a local charity. Fran is a mid 60s man who recently retired to my Coastal Florida community.
On our first date he told me his secret.
"Robin, for years I have carried this secret. I was married for thirty years and loved my wife but while I was married I also had a man in my life and we saw each other often. Men have come into my life over the years as have other women other than my wife."
I met Carole at a tennis clinic. Lovely woman, younger than me at 50 but we had lots in common. We play tennis almost every week with a local women's tennis club. We also belong to the same book club.
As we sat around Carole's pool with the rest of the book club members I realized that she and I were the only women in the group who were not married. By the end of the meeting Carole and I were left to clean up. As we chatted we talked about being the only "singles" in the group and laughed about how our perspectives about a book were often different than those of the married members.
Carole mentioned her ex and how she was glad to be rid of him. I talked about how I was with a man, Jeff, for years but Beth was the love of my life. I guess I never thought of it but she didn't know I was Bisexual or maybe lesbian and seemed to want to talk about it so we did.
I started by telling her that I am what I am and that sometimes talking about sexuality can strain a relationship and I didn't want that to happen to our friendship, a friendship I valued. Carole told me that she would never judge me for doing what even she thinks about. She told me that she had known and been friends with bi, lesbian and gay people before and it never changed or effected in any way their friendship. I had a feeling she wanted to know more because she had in the past, or had now, questions about her own sexuality.
I asked her if she had ever had a experience with another woman. She told me that in college she had kissed a roommate but nothing more than that. Carole went as far as confessing that she had met a woman, and not the first in her life, that she was physically sexually attracted to.
I asked her what she wanted to know. Carole asked if I could tell her how I first knew, not experimented, but knew I was Bi.
I told her my story:
Let me first explain something that is important to me about sexuality.
You may think it is total BS but it's how I live my life. I don't think I have ever just "had sex" with someone. If I did, trust me, it was only once. For me sex is an expression of love, it's a feeling of wanting to give to and submit to another person. Now, I know this will sound crazy but I believe you don't have to be "in love" to "make love."
Oh sure, as a kid I played doctor and played around with sex. In my junior year in college I "fell in love" with a young man. I was sure it was love until I realized I really didn't love him, I loved making love to him. It took me a long time to understand that I got the most pleasure from sex by making love. Over time, I realized that much of my sexual pleasure came from submitting to another persons needs or wants.
Eventually that led to a number of heterosexual relationships that were wonderful. In my first year out of college I met and became friends with a woman who was a lesbian. I don't want to minimize what happened but she kissed me and I found I wanted her to kiss me and more. We made love and it was amazing. Lisa was very feminine and knew all the buttons to push. Making love to a woman was similar but in many ways very very different than making love to a man. From that day on, I wanted both.
I never sought out partners but somehow they found me. Jeff, my ex, was that way, he found me. He was easy to be with and a great sex partner. We never married but at 35 we started living together. Jeff introduced me to what was then called the "swinger" life style. Yes, you don't have to ask, I had sex with groups of both men and women. It's not a part of my life I'm very proud of but not because of the sex, it was most often wonderful, but rather because I allowed myself, my body, to be used. Jeff had a flaw I should have seen. We were both very sexually submissive. Our relationship ended when we became almost submissive sex slaves to another couple.
