What you've missed: I woke up from a coma after a motor cycle crash, to find that my penis could talk, and more than that, when it wanted, it could take control of the rest of me. It was able to sing in a way which it called 'pussy charming' in such a way as to entice nearby females to come and shag me, which it demonstrated for me with a 50 something overweight nurse called Elaine.
After my pussy charming cock continued to provide me with mature, BBW pussy, I started to call it Marlon, because when it was soft it reminded me of Marlon Jackson from the Jackson 5. A nasty encounter with Doris the cleaning lady convinced me that I'd been going wrong lusting after skinny young girls in the past. My recovery continued well, until during an evening session with Elaine the Nurse I asked her whether I'd be able to go home soon. She informed me that first I needed to speak to Dr. McGowan. Elaine had overheard me talking to Marlon several times, and was worried that I was still suffering from my head trauma. She had arranged for me to see Dr. McGowan - the psychiatrist!
Marlon promised me that he wouldn't make me do or say anything bad in front of Dr. McGowan, so that she wouldn't sign my release papers, but I wasn't sure whether I could trust him or not. In the meantime we had a visit from Geraldine the vicar, and Marlon revealed that assholes are good for shagging, but not so good for having a conversation with.
In our meeting with Dr. Julia McGowan she revealed that she knew all about my sexual adventures since awakening from my coma. I came clean, as it were, and told her all about Marlon. She, in turn, revealed that she had her own talking pussy, a German speaking Katherine Hepburn lookalike. I persuaded Julia to discharge me, if you'll pardon the pun, so that Marlon could give her Katherine exactly what she wanted, in the course of which Marlon made me give her such a licking that it severed the connection between Julia and her talking pussy, and returned her to 'normal'. I began to worry what would happen to me if I was ever 'cured'.
Returning to my flat after so many weeks in hospital, I found that my landlady, Mrs. Golightly had let it to a small, seemingly crazy young woman called Cassie Smith, who attacked me with mace. When we called Mrs. Golightly to come and sort it all out for us, I begged Marlon to charm her pussy so that she would give me back my flat. To my surprise Marlon refused, and explained that he couldn't, because both Mrs. Golightly and Cassie Smith were ladies who like ladies. On my urging Marlon improvised a new pussy charming song, which brought the two of them together, and after this they offered me the chance to move back in as Ms. Smith's flatmate.
Surprisingly, Cassie and I started to get on pretty well. So much so that when she asked me what the deal was with me talking to Marlon all the time, I told her the truth. When she didn't believe me, Marlon revealed a few secrets that her pussy had told him. She didn't speak to me for a couple of days. In the interim, I returned to my parents' house, where, in the course of Marlon giving her a good seeing to, their neighbour Mrs. Goody revealed that they had gne off on a cruise on the same day that I had my accident. When Cassie got over her shock, she asked me to teach her how to talk to her pussy. I didn't think that was possible, but Marlon was only too happy to try to prove me wrong
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What followed over the next few days was like some strange, porno version of "My Fair Lady". Sort of. Alright, Marlon was trying to train Cassie to listen to her pussy, and to train her pussy to talk to her in a way she could understand, and instead of reciting
'the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain' they were both trying to say
'de thumb and de cum stay mainly up de bum', but I suppose the principle was the same. Marlon tried to explain it to me when we were alone,
"See, what it is, don't matter for now what her pussy sayin' to her. Could be any shit, don't make no difference. Main thing is, she listenin'. An' the more she listen, the more she gonna hear." And to be fair, within a couple of weeks, she did actually start hearing things. Apparently her pussy had a French accent. What's more, she'd given it a name, Madame Edith.
"Let me guess," I said, "In a certain light she looks like Edith Piaf?"
"Well, actually I meant the old girl from the sitcom 'Allo 'Allo, but sure, Edith Piaf, why not?"
So, recapping for a moment or two, accommodation, my parental situation and everything else seemed to be working out for me, except for one thing. Work. That was one loose end which needed tidying up. So, early in the morning, I waved a cheery goodbye to Cassie, who was sitting on the sofa in the front room with her legs splayed, jabbing her rampant rabbit in and out of Madame Edith, screaming "Je ne regrette rien!" at the top of her voice. As I've said before, she was a sophisticated girl. I sniffed the air, which gave me the idea of picking up a nice piece of fish for tea while I was out.
Going anywhere in public when Marlon had not had any opportunity to indulge himself for more than 24 hours always involved some horse trading.
"Want pussy!"
"Marlon -"
"You hear me, asswipe? Want pussy! Want pussy now!"
"Marlon -"
"Feed me, asshole" He began to sing, "Feed me all night lnnghh - "
The sound became muffled as I grabbed hold of him and squeezed.