This story is dedicated to a special young lady who one day did walk into my life. With much regret, she didn't stay long. The following is based on "what if" -- what if she stayed longer than a night. Despite her transience, her spirit continues to inspire me, to push me to transcend my own borders...Maybe someday she will find this and recognize herself in the story... Maybe, just maybe...
*
A cool October breeze whistled through the pines, the moon, nearly full, floated across the horizon. The hot jacuzzi water soothed my body, I became hypnotized by the bubbly froth, my mind lost wandering back over the past six months. Utterly unbelievable, I thought; a journey unimaginable, full of enticement, excitement, eroticism, to levels I never thought possible. I wrote about this stuff, but never lived it, until one evening when Rachel walked into my office...
It had been a long day on campus. Besides having to practically yell at the students in my intro class for being so unprepared there was a lengthy department meeting that always wears me down. While I wanted to just go home and sip a glass of wine and unwind in the jacuzzi on the deck looking out into the woods, I also had to finish up a report for the Dean on my new research project on how sexuality is performed in different urban settings. I intended to include several students to assist with the research and I think the term "sexuality" got the administration all worried. A colleague had advised me to say "gender" instead; unfortunately I didn't heed her advice.
I was trying to reflect on different ways we act out our sexuality in order to try and make it seem more innocent to the Dean when there was a knock on the door. The knock startled me, it was late and I didn't think anyone was around. I inadvertently barked out "What?"
Opening the door slowly, a slight voice started to apologize for disturbing me.
"Oh Rachel. Come in. I'm sorry, I'm just deep in thought and wasn't expecting anyone. Please sit, it's OK. So, how are you doing? What brings you into these quarters this time of night? Particularly on a Friday! Don't you have some party or another to attend?"
"Professor I'm sorry to disrupt your work. I can come back tomorrow or another time. I had to drop a paper off for Professor Thompson and just saw your light on and thought I'd stop by."
"It's fine. I'm just writing some stupid report for the administration; I think their sole purpose is to make our lives miserable. But tell me, how can I help you?"
"If you don't have time, we can set an appointment and I can come back."
"It's fine, I need the break to clear my mind a little; I haven't been able to think properly. It's been a long day."
"Well, I was just wondering about our assignment for the urban studies class. I have a few ideas and am curious what you think would be best. The discussions we had on gender and sexuality really interested me and I was thinking of a few ways to approach it."
"This must be divine intervention! I myself was just trying to reflect on this issue more to sell the idea to the Dean. Is this an interest of yours? Because if it is something you want to pursue, I'm looking to hire a few research assistants."
"Really? Wow! That would be amazing. I mean, it would be such a great opportunity to work with you."
Throughout our conversation I delighted in getting to feast my eyes on the young coed's beauty. Her sparkling blue eyes so full of wonder and seeming innocence mesmerized one. The tight tee-shirt showed her full breasts, making it even harder not to stare.
We entered into a long discussion about several topics Rachel proposed for her research project, including where different "adult" entertainment centers are located in a city and the type of clientele that visit them; different places teenagers go for dates, such as malls, and how they perform their sexuality in public places; and, different issues about prostitution. I was quite impressed with her ability to analytically engage everyday issues and practices, but also relate them to different theoretical concepts we had been discussing in class.
Rachel was particularly interested in some of the ideas from "Queer theory," critically questioning how we construct what is "normal" and "abnormal" behavior. She tried to relate the theory to issues of heterosexuality and argue how only particular sets of heterosexual practices were socially constructed as acceptable, while others were not and how labels such as "slut" were used to police borders.
Having written several books on the topic, from sex tourism to diverse coming of age rites, I was quite impressed with her engagement with the ideas. She was much more open in our personal conversation than she had been all semester in the class.
Somehow the meandering conversation turned to strip-joints and she was wondering about the lives of strippers.
Out of the blue I turned the question to her, "So, I'm curious Rachel, have you ever been to a strip-joint."
The question took her by surprise, she looked a little shocked and taken aback, and seemed embarrassed to answer it.
"You have, haven't you?"
"Is it that obvious?" she laughed. "Yes, well, it was a friend's bachelorette party and we had gotten a little drunk and someone mentioned it was amateur night at the King's Haven. Have you heard of it?"
"Yeah, I've been there."
"You have?" she questioned with surprise in her voice.
"Research! All research!" I said laughing.
She laughed too; exposing my little secret made her more comfortable in the personalization of our conversation.
"Yeah, it's a pretty wild place. It was packed with guys, but there were a few other girls there, besides the dancers. Some of them were really hot."
"Now you have me intrigued, did you compete in the amateur competition?"
Again she looked shocked by the question, but her cheeks turned red, exposing her secret.
"Look, if we are going to do research on sexuality in public, there is no place to be shy or embarrassed. We've all done wild and different things, some of which we may not be the proudest of, but that is what is so fascinating about the topic, is trying to question what pushes us to transcend the socially normative boundaries. It helps to reflect upon our own experiences to understand others. And besides, remember I have a few years on you, I'm sure that I have experiences that would turn your cheeks even brighter red!"
Rachel laughed, relaxing in the conversation; opening up to the direction the discussion was turning, from abstract ideas and theoretical concepts to more personal issues and experiences.
"Ok, so what about you? What is one of your wilder experiences?" Rachel asked, turning the tables on me.
"Oh, what is this, like truth or dare? Besides you haven't even answered my question yet!"
"Yes, yes I did compete. It was something else being up on stage in front of a bunch of strangers. With all the cheering and hooting one sort of looses one self. It was such a turn on."
"Well, I must say, I'm very sorry I missed that show! You are a stunningly beautiful woman, I'm sure you floored the audience."
"Thank you. I did take 2nd place."
