Primal Solace

PRIMAL SOLACE

New life found in heartbreaking loss

Author's Note:

Breaking out of a writer's block. I hope you enjoy this story about a 50 year old man and 25 year old woman who share the same grievous loss and escape heartbreak in each other.

~~~~

In the last hour of her four hour journey, Erin gripped the steering wheel in both hands and kept her eyes fixed on the road ahead. The windows were up and she was barely aware of the landscape streaming by. On past trips with Celia, they'd gushed about the beautiful scenery she was passing through and were excited to soon arrive at the cabin owned by

Celi's

parents.

Erin wasn't excited this time.

When she thought of Celi's dazzling smile, tears welled again. They ran down her cheeks and dripped from her jaw as she stared down the road. She didn't slow down when they clouded her vision. Instead, she gripped the wheel tighter and kept going, just as she'd kept going through months of days without a future since the accident. Just as she continued through life without wanting to get anywhere, but wanting less to be where she was.

Oh...Celi.

By the time she arrived the tears had stopped. She felt them dried on her cheeks and lowered the visor for a look in the mirror. It reflected red-rimmed eyes, a look she'd grown accustomed to.

Why'd I come?

Because Celi's dad, Ted, called and asked her to come.

Why now?

Erin stepped from the car and inhaled. The scent of pine and fresh air imbued her with unexpected life and she shrugged out of her emotional cloak like she was shedding protective chain-mail. Then she heard the breeze brushing through pine tops far overhead, and bird song, and felt like she'd arrived in a world different from the one where her drive began. She stood straighter and felt surprisingly relieved to be there.

Memories flooded her. Trips when she and Celi were only friends and Celi's parents seemed happy together. Trips when there was growing tension between the Sorensons and her relationship with Cee was growing intimate and finally trips when Erin and Celia were open about having become lovers and Mrs. Sorenson no longer came with her husband. Erin remembered Celi confessing that her mom was disgusted by their lesbian relationship and that it caused tensions that divided them, but that the estrangement from her mom really began when she was a teen.

By contrast, Celia hadn't worried about her father's reaction. He always embraced her and everything about her. The first time they'd openly displayed lover's affection around him was on a trip to this cabin when Mrs. Sorenson wasn't present and his reaction was to say that they were lovely young women who, somehow, became more beautiful together.

She looked around, wondering where he was. Sam, his black lab always announced arrivals with barking and when Celi died, Erin convinced him to take Zimmi, Celi's rescue dog.

There should be two dogs barking

. A glance at her watch showed she was hours early and she remembered that Celi usually gave the horn a few taps when they pulled up - like ringing a rural doorbell.

Seeing no one in the log home, she headed towards the lake and spotted the back of Mr. Sorenson's head in a cedar lounger, with the dogs sleeping nearby. It looked like they'd all been swimming. Because he was facing the lake, she almost reached him before realizing he was naked with his cock draped across a thigh, all the way across his thigh. The hand that shot to her mouth was too late to prevent a startled, "OH" and with that, the dogs erupted, barking frantically, jumping up and looking around. Celi's dad also bolted to his feet and turned towards the sound.

A year earlier, Erin and Celi had accidentally interrupted him in the outdoor shower. Afterwards, Celi said she remembered thinking he was really well endowed 'down there' from childhood memories, when the family skinny dipped together. Then, when she matured and was exposed to young men's cocks she'd decided her youthful memory of his size

had

to be inaccurate, it couldn't be that different, right? The day they interrupted him she'd said, "I guess I remembered accurately." Erin had nodded with raised eyebrows and three words, "Definitely well hung."

Seeing her, he quickly wrapped a towel around his middle as the dogs bounded towards her. Zimmi reached her first and his euphoria thrilled Erin as nothing had in months. She dropped to her knees and he was on her with licks and a tail wagging so vigorously it shook his body. Sam joined in and together the dogs pushed her over. They mobbed her. When Mr. Sorenson reached them, Erin was on her back, laughing underneath them.

"I bet you didn't expect that greeting!" He proclaimed as he extended an arm and pulled her to her feet.

"Very exciting." She agreed with a mischievously teasing smile. She was surprised to hear the double entendre in her voice and to be so forward with Celi's dad but was more surprised to feel her face smiling. The muscles that form a smile had grown unfamiliar.

When he wrapped his arms around her, Erin felt secure. Her arms went around his bare back and because he stood a foot taller, her head tucked under his chin. He said, "Erin." His voice was soft and his tone said 'thank you for coming' more eloquently than words possibly could. They'd last hugged at the Celebration of Celia's Life and now they didn't want to let go. She pulled herself against him and didn't loosen her arms when she felt his cock stir under the towel.

He felt her firm breasts against his mid-section and was embarrassed by his body's sexual reaction to their contact. He hadn't had physical human contact since hugs at the celebration of life months before, and hadn't been intimate since his divorce from Celia's mom over a year earlier and for too long before that. There was opportunity for him, even up there - handsome, fit, financially set and personable - but he'd lost interest in intimacy. Then his daughter died and he didn't want to be around people at all, so he retreated to the cabin full time...until he called Erin and asked her to come.

And he might not have asked her then if he hadn't stumbled on that prescient email from Celia, sent a year before the accident. In it she'd told him to reach out to Erin if anything ever happened to her. His reaction at the time was absolute. "Nothing will happen to you.

It can't

." In the email to her dad, Celia wrote that Erin would need him. When he came across that email again and called Celia's lover, he knew that his perceptive daughter thought he'd need Erin as much as she'd need him. Celia understood that they loved her with all their heart and soul and would need each other if they lost her. When Ted called Erin, they learned that Celia sent similar emails to both of them.

Erin and Ted thought the emptiness they felt was within, but as they hugged they realized it was outside and they were safe from it as long as they held each other. When their arms reluctantly loosened, he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead as her mouth opened, anticipating a kiss on the lips. Her reaction to what she thought was about to happen startled her, and the forehead kiss brought her back to reality. "Thank you for asking me to come Mr. Sorenson."

He gently corrected her, saying, "Ted" and cupping the side of her face in his hand. He'd seen her reaction and knew she wanted him to kiss her on the mouth and he wanted to kiss her there more than he'd ever wanted an intimacy in his life.

But we can't.

His daughter's death tore him open and left his emotions raw. He no longer trusted his feelings because he didn't understand them, and here was proof. He wanted to take dear Erin, Celi's beautiful young lover in his arms, tear the clothes from her body... lick her... fuck her... and make her scream in orgasmic euphoria... He wanted to banish aloneness and the harsh reality of life by making love with her. His cock was responding.

Erin saw the emotional upheaval playing across his features and understood his pain without knowing his thoughts. She also needed... something. Desperately. She felt like he was the one who could make it better. Without understanding why, she wanted him to kiss her as a lover. Maybe she wanted physical sensation to displace agony. But when she raised her face again, hoping to initiate a kiss, he turned and led her towards the cabin. She followed with her girlish hand in his big one, watching the muscles of his tanned back with heat gathering inside that brought a blush to her fair skin.

At the cabin Ted said, "Why don't we get you settled, then relax on the deck? Maybe take the dogs for a walk."

She asked, "Will I be in Celi's room?"

"If that's ok?"

"Sure. I'll get my things from the car. There's not much so I can handle it."

"That'd be great Erin." Ted spoke over his shoulder, afraid to face her with what had become a full-on erection. "I'll get dressed." He leaned into the bedroom door after closing it and exhaled.

What...the...fuck?

He'd never experienced so primal an urge. His heart was still pounding and his cock was veiny hardwood.

Fuck

.

As she went to the car with the dogs dancing around her, Erin's heart also beat wildly. She'd been with young men earlier in her life, before discovering greater enjoyment with women and then bliss with Celia - but she'd never been with a man like Ted was a few moments earlier. Now her heart was racing, her skin was flushed and she could feel the moist warmth between her legs.

Why...why us now?

She carried her things up to Celia's room on shaky legs.

After taking her time getting settled, Erin came downstairs and found Ted preparing a board with fruit and cheese. He looked good, in a navy long sleeve Henley open at the neck and jeans. He said, "Unless you want to hike or something else first, I thought we'd enjoy the last of the afternoon on the deck?"

She nodded agreement. A quarter century older than her notwithstanding, she watched him and was again struck by how handsome she found him. Maybe even because he was older, she was more attracted to him than she'd ever been to younger men. Over the years she'd found herself fantasizing about him and on an earlier trip she'd even confessed to Celi that if she was ever with a man again she'd want it to be a man like Celi's dad. It was after the trouble between Celi's parents had gotten bad and Celi had said, "Why not

with

my dad - instead of with someone

like

him? I don't think my parents even 'do it' anymore." Then Celi smiled

that smile

of hers and added, "But you'll have to tell me

all

about it afterwards."

Then they'd burst into laughter just as Celi's dad entered the room and asked what was so funny. When they responded with embarrassed expressions he knew not to press it.

Back in the present he asked, "Is red wine alright?"

Erin nodded while thinking it was actually time for scotch and water. She carried the fruit and cheese board to the deck and was gazing over the lake when he joined her. The deck was a floor above ground level with an excellent view. "I love being here," she said, "the seclusion."

He nodded. "The only cabin on the lake because it's surrounded by National Forest land." He poured their wine, then sat and took in the view before saying, "Being here is what I needed when..." He struggled for composure, then simply stopped speaking. After sitting quietly for several minutes, he turned to her and lifted his glass, they clinked and he said, "Thanks for coming."

She sipped and said, "I was surprised you asked." Then quickly added, "But relieved. I realized I was waiting to come before you called."

"This is where we were all together..." He spoke softly, struggling again.

She knew he meant him, Celi and her.

She rose to her feet and walked to him, hesitated, then meekly asked, "Can I sit on your lap? Just for a bit?" A strange request from an adult woman that somehow felt perfect in that moment.

He pushed his chair back and she sat across his lap with her head on his shoulder. Ted whispered, "How could she leave us?" He felt her body shake as she silently gave in to crying. He felt her tears against his neck and felt his own on his cheeks. The dogs nuzzled them nervously.

After several minutes she spoke softly. "I knew it was a good idea for Zim to come here and be with you and Sam rather than waiting at the apartment, wondering why Celi wasn't coming home to him."

"Thanks for Zimmi. He brought needed energy and..." his voice got hoarse, "...a connection."

Neither of them said more. They sat quietly until Erin worried her weight was causing him discomfort. She sat up, kissed him with tears still on their lips and returned to her chair. It was a quick kiss, yet still charged with primal currents swirling beneath the surface.

"How's your work?" He asked. "Started traveling again?"

"No. I've refused every trip and only work from home."

"You used to love the travel, even though you'd miss Celi. Why've you stopped now?" As she considered her answer, the bottomless sorrow he saw on her face broke his heart.

"It's different when you don't have someone at home." She finally said. "When there's no one waiting for you to call when you're traveling, no one waiting for you to come home, it feels like not really having a home. Like you could wander off and never be missed." Her voice grew softer. "It's unsettling for me to travel that way? I feel lost when I don't have a home base to come back to?" She looked at Ted. "You know when I told my parents I was bi and actually preferred women - they wrote me off at 18 years old and told me not to come home and

infect

my sisters?"

He nodded. "Cee told me."

"I was homeless then, in that sense, and drifting and continued feeling that way until Celi and I got a place, even before we were lovers. Now I'm clinging to what

we had

and can't stand the heartbreak of leaving and coming back to find it empty." She searched his eyes. "Can you understand that?"

He nodded again.

She continued, "Celi knew she always had you. You'd always be waiting to embrace her and support her and love her - no matter what." Her eyes found his and she studied them. "Who do you have Mr. Sorenson?" Intentionally using his last name.

He considered her question before finally saying, "It's different with me. I'm the home?" He looked at her, wondering if she understood. "I don't need someone to go to. I need someone who counts on me being here, or somewhere, for them to come home to." He was going to continue, then felt his loss anew and stopped.

She's not coming home again

.

Ever

. He sipped his wine, looked over the water through wet eyes and scratched Sam between the ears. He finally looked at Erin and said, "Thank you for coming. I don't want the company of anyone else on earth." He cleared his throat because his voice threatened to crack. "You're home."

She warmed. She

was

home. They were meant to be together this way, in this place and time.

Ted watched her gaze return to the lake and saw everything that Celia found so attractive. Dark brown hair hanging past her shoulders, blue eyes that could be surprisingly unguarded, delectably kissable lips and a fragile neck. He watched her slim body when she stood and moved to the deck railing. At five foot three she was almost a foot shorter than him, enticingly proportioned with smallish breasts perched proud on her chest and a perfectly shaped butt. He'd always kept his sexual attraction to her in check because she was his daughter's friend and then lover, but when she turned at the railing and looked at him he desired her with every cell in his body, and the feeling troubled him.

Isn't this wrong, to feel this way about CeCe's lover?

Driving there she hadn't thought about presenting herself to Celi's dad in a sensual way, but leaning against the railing she understood that's exactly what she was doing. She wanted him to want her as a man wants a woman, and yearned for more. She ached for a union as raw as her emotions that would push everything else from her mind. And in the end, she craved physical proof that her soul could still be held. The heat in his gaze made her think he understood what she craved - and wanted the same thing.

Their eyes met and shared what they saw. They didn't speak. There was no need to. A man and woman wordlessly understanding the truth of their attraction with neither willing to look away. The silence lengthened, the unspoken between them grew stronger. It drew them together like leaves from dissimilar trees fallen into the primal current of a river of passion. Still carried on the surface but feeling the inexorable pull of an emotional whirlpool they knew would swallow them.

Erin realized that's what she wanted, that was how he could make it better. She wanted to disappear in passion.

Ted wanted it more. Then, almost too late, it was the strength of his desire that stopped him. He knew if they started he wouldn't stop, no matter how she reacted. No matter how she begged him not to. He'd take her and make her give him everything. He'd use her body to escape heartbreak.

He didn't know that's exactly what she needed.

He abruptly broke the spell. "Have you eaten?"

She struggled to return to a normal reality before finally answering, "Not hungry."

"What've you eaten today?" He pressed.

"A breakfast bar." Answering, she felt everyday life taking shape where seconds before there'd been only raw emotion.

"You need to eat, we both need to eat." It wasn't a suggestion. "I cooked a batch of spaghetti sauce when I knew you were coming and I'll have pasta and plates ready for us in just a bit. I baked bread too."

It was the meal he'd always make when she came here with Celi because they loved it and now it reinforced her feeling of coming home.

And that tone in his voice when he said we're going to eat

. She loved the safe embrace of his control.

Whatever he says...

Erin stayed on the deck when he went in to cook, finished her wine and poured another glass. She felt loose and warm, and soon the scents of bubbling sauce and warming bread drew her inside.

When it was ready they made their own plates family-style, like always. The aromas awakened Erin's hunger and she took an impressive portion. When he joined her on the deck, his small serving surprised her and she examined him anew. She saw the sadness on his features when she arrived and now realized he was also unusually thin, even gaunt. "Dieting?" She asked although she knew he wasn't.

"Haven't had much appetite. I think the dogs are getting a little chunky from all the table-treats they're getting." He pointedly looked at her plate and then her face and said, "Eat" with an encouraging smile. She did, with a gusto missing since before the accident and relished washing it down with wine. Several times he refilled her glass in a way that made it beckon to her. Erin even went for another portion and felt she should be embarrassed by the volume she consumed, but wasn't because her appetite so clearly pleased him. She loved pleasing him, it gave her a sense of fulfillment. When she finished eating, Erin realized the wine bottle was empty and wondered if she'd had most of it.

By the time they cleared the plates and rinsed them off, sunset gave way to twilight, then night. Ted asked, "Should I open another bottle?"

"Maybe you'll think I'm becoming a drunk, but what I really want is scotch. A lot of scotch with a little water." Erin waited for his reaction. She knew she'd already had more than she should.

"That sounds perfect. No rules. No rules of our making and none of society's. No judgement here, no guilt, no regret." Erin's posture revealed her relief and he asked, "So the real question is whether you want ice?"