Let's see, where should I start? Brief description of yours truly, I guess. Goes something like this.
Just an ‘ole biker type, 53 years old, a little over six foot, run around 185/190 dependin' on the weather. Got all my teeth, most of my hair that I keep pulled back and tied, a beard that hasn't been trimmed since 1985, and don't really give a good god damn about my appearance; or what you may think of my appearance as far as that goes. Naw, I ain't a 1%, I got me a day job that pays my way, but I only do it so that I can do what the fuck I want, when I fuckin' want to do it.
Married? Kiss my ass, married. I've been around, seen what that fine institution can do to a gent like me. Had me some fine, and to be honest, some not so fine women in my day though. Just never seemed to hang on to one for very long. As a matter of fact, this one gal said she had to leave cause I was too quiet; kept things bottled up inside me, and that I was too independent. I told her that if she could suck as good as she beat her gums that I wouldn't have anything bottled up in me. She left the next day, didn't even say goodbye.
Women, go figure.
You know, now that I think about it, the only female that I ever stayed hooked up with was my bike…El.
Well, enough about me. I'm here to tell you all a little bedtime story. So drop your socks and grab your cocks, and down the road we go.
About three years ago on a Saturday in July, I was headed over back roads to Pete's Inn. I was gonna meet up with my buddy, Joker for breakfast, and then head west to Kansas City for a bike show and swap meet. It was already hotter than hell and only 7am or so. El was feelin' her oats and every curve we flew through made us a little more daring on the next. I'm here to tell you brothers and sisters that them boys on their race bikes had nothing for El and me that morning.
Ok, so I'm exaggerating. Get off my ass. It's my story, I'll tell it the way I fuckin' want.
So anyway, El and me were about 3 miles from Pete's, and into this set of nice ‘S' curves that opened up into this long straight. ‘Ole El hit her marks, and I really cranked her open as I hit fourth gear comin' into the straight, was ready to hit fifth when I noticed a car part way off the road up ahead and a person along side of it. Being the concerned citizen that I am, I backed off El, and she started to bitch me out; you know, loud exhaust, pow, powpowpow, pow. I love it when El bitches me out, and she knows it, so she does it often.
As I slowed, I saw that it was a woman trying to change a flat.
I stand before you now; with hand over heart, and no fingers crossed; and swear that I had no ulterior motive when I stopped to assist a fellow traveler in distress, and that her long bare legs had nothing to do with my decision.
I stopped behind her and shut down El. The woman was busy in the car rolling up all the windows and locking all the doors. I walked up to the driver's side window and asked her if she wanted help. She looked kind of familiar, but then all women have breasts.
She wouldn't even look at me. I almost left, figured I was still runnin' early, said ‘fuckit' to myself, and started to change her tire.
I blew off the fact she wouldn't talk to me. Hell, knowin' the way I look, I was surprised she didn't try to drive off on the flat.
I caught her watchin' me out the side mirror a couple of times, and I kept thinking that I knew her from somewhere.
Then it dawned on me. Yeah, even with all the stuff I had smoked earlier, my memory worked. Linda. Yeah, Linda. A friend of my kid sister, many moons ago. I'd seen her last at my sister's wedding.
I finished putting on the spare, threw the flat, jack and tire iron in her trunk but left the trunk lid up, figuring that she would appreciate what I did if she had to work for it. I went back to El, lit her up, pulled out and stopped next to her door.
I yelled, "your welcome, Linda." and took off for Pete's.
I pulled up at Pete's, gave El a pat for bein' such a good girl, and looked around the lot. Pete's truck, Joan's car, and a farm truck. No Joker. Cool, I beat that fucker again.
I opened the door, started to greet Pete and Joan, but was interrupted by Pete, telling me that I was screwed, Joker had called, said his ex needed help and that he wasn't going to make it. I just shook my head as I sat down at the bar, with a vision of Joker and his ex's legs wrapped around his head. I shuddered.
I ordered my usual, a Bud, and the breakfast special with extra sausage.
I sat sippin' my beer, wonderin' what the hell I was goin' to do with the day, and thinking about how ‘love' can really fuck things up; when the door opened and you know who walked in. Yeah, and you guessed it on the first try…Linda.
She came within 3 stools of me, said, (and if you think I'm goin' to do this in a girly voice, you're fuckin' crazy) "I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted back there. Thank you so much for helping me out. I wish there was some way I could repay you. How did you know my name?"
I gave her my sister's maiden name. She looked at me closer, came 2 stools closer, and came out with, "Nick?"
Just then Joan stuck her head out of the kitchen and yelled, "Hey Poet, what's the lady want?"
Linda shrugged, pointed at my beer. I yelled back, "The same except the extra, and another Bud for me."
She sat down next to me as the beers were set down. I caught her looking at me out of the corner of my eye…ok ok, I saw her looking at me from the bar mirror…so I looked back to hear her ask, "Poet?"
Well, I wasn't about to tell her that story. (Ok, if you have to know; around a camp fire one night, this woman I was, ah, familiar with; naw, why lie, I was fuckin' big time; told everyone within earshot that when I made love it was like ‘poetry'. The name just stuck.) I smiled at her, said, "No big deal, it's just a name, but I like to think that I come by it honestly."
About that time, the food came; and between the first and last bites; Linda told me every last little thing about high school and college, marriage, kids and divorce that I didn't want to know, and I think I managed to look interested.
Such a polite woman. She even asked about me. I just gave her a smile for an answer.
Linda insisted on paying for breakfast in what she called ‘partial payment' for the roadside assistance.
I didn't fight with her about it, but I did hold the door for her on the way out, with Joan's lyrical "And the Poet writes again," and laughter in the background.
I flipped her off and her laughter turned to cackling.
Instead of just giving my standard, "Later," I walked Linda to her car and even opened her door for her. She started to get in, stopped and started telling me about how she was only out this way because her parents owned some property a couple of miles down the road, and since they were both in a old folks home, she had the responsibility of closing the place up for the winter, that she thought she would just get it done early because she never liked coming out here alone in the winter, and would I care to follow her; she'd feel safer with company and…
I said, "Ok," mainly to shut her up.
I fired up El, and followed Linda to her parents place. I have to admit, it was a real nice place; off the road, tree lined drive; private lake, all that shit.
We parked and she invited me in, but I declined saying that I would just wait for her on the porch.
I was kickin' back in a porch swing, when Linda came out and handed me a beer, then disappeared back in the house. I started to feel the alcohol a bit, so I wandered over to El and got my stuff, went back to the porch and rolled me up a nice one. I had just got a good hit when Linda came back out,.
"Oh my god is that marijuana?"
I just nodded and passed it to her.
She started talkin' about how long it's been, and…
I said, "Shut up and smoke."
So she did.
I gotta hand it to her. She could really hold it.
I kinda liked her after that, cause she got quieter.
It was good stuff, but we did another one, sittin' on the porch, drinkin' beer, watchin' the world go by.
"Do you know what else I haven't done in a long time?"
Like I was supposed to guess. Dream on. I just looked at her.
"Fuck. Do you want to fuck me?"