ONE
Just before three and yawning, Paul Stilton dropped into the corner restaurant nor far from his office for late lunch. The place was empty, apart from four bored waitresses.
Three grabbed menus. The heavy-shoulder Italian-looking 40-year-old powered through the other two like a military tank to reach Paul's table no longer challenged.
As the tip-seeking (tip used in the sense of gratuity) woman approached, Paul imagined she'd have a fleshy hair-festooned vulva the size of a dinner plate and suddenly didn't feel hungry. He ordered vodka on the rocks and a bowl of nuts. Scowling, the waitress went off to the bar with his order.
Popping nuts into his mouth Paul watched the tall, sallow-face waitress open a low cupboard and begin placing newly laundered napkins on shelves. As she bent over he spotted a tear on the upper leg of her pantyhose and a ladder on the other. His opinion: passed use-by date.
The third waitress was gum-chewing and had 'butch' written all over her figuratively speaking, so figuratively he despatched her to the trashcan.
Hey man, you should have gone to one of your regular restaurants, he chided himself, only then remembering to look for the fourth waitress. He'd spotted four when entering.
The fourth waitress had backed into the corner of the bar and was exhibiting the trait of a super-bored person: she was drumming her fingers and looking into space three feet ahead of her. People who do that are undeniably locked in their cage.
Paul wasn't particularly attracted to waitresses but knew that the guy below his belt was – either it was the smell of chilli or more likely being all day on their feet exercised their cuntal muscles rather like something the training a pianist has when waggling fingers back and forth to encourage flexibility.
Paul grinned, thinking perhaps the perfect woman for him would be a part-time waitress who played the piano professionally. That happy thought made him feel better so he decided to order lunch, but would water the dog first.
Coming back from the restroom he walked over to the fourth waitress and said, "Come and tell me about the specials please."
Paul hurried back to his table before she had time to tell 'Sir' that today's luncheon specials were listed on the board above the bar, chalked in very large writing.
As the fourth waitress came towards him he wondered if he'd hear 'zip,zip' (that's the sound stockings make on thighs when some women walk – Paul hoped she wore stockings and had the ability to zip-zip). He imaged that with a narrow waist like that she'd have a cunt almost too small for him. Emphasis on almost.
Incredibly, Paul's fertile imagination was rewarded: as she came up to stand alongside him and turned to face the special board, Paul heard a series of zip-zips. His cock trembled and sent out an SOS for emergency pumping of blood.
"Sorry, sir. We had a rush at lunchtime today. The English steak and kidney pie is off, the Hungarian goulash is off and the Argentinean black pudding is off, but we are still serving the Australian crocodile steaks as no-one fancied them."
"I'll have a croc steak, er...?"
"Patti, Sir."
"Thanks, Patti. Just with a salad will do."
Paul watch her tight little ass sway as she walked from him and wondered if anyone had been lucky enough to paddle or even pat Patti's cheeks.
It seemed just only seconds later but it was probably fifteen minutes later just as Paul was spreading Patti's very firm cheeks apart to insert his tongue when he heard her say, "Sir, your lunch."
Paul realised he'd dropped off to sleep. His boner was jammed against the table and felt so hard he wondered if his side of the table had risen. He cringed at the thought of Patti pushing the table down flat, so pulled back on his chair to ease both the pressure and the possible threat of table slamming.
"Wrong order, this is chicken," Paul said rudely.
"Crocodile is white and looks not unlike chicken breast."
That reminded Paul to inspect her breasts. Blast, the poor girl had none, or if she did they were thirty-twos.
"Will I like it?" Paul asked, looking at her apologetically but without offering an apology.
"If you like breast, I think you will, Sir."
"If I like breast?"
Paul said that softly, attempting to smile with a slight leer but knew he'd over-cooked it; the facial expression was a massive leer.
"You know what I mean, chicken breast," she whispered pinkly.
"You're cute."
"Why are you flirting with me like this. Men usually hover around the other waitresses."
Paul said he'd never flirt with them.
"Why, they are all nice."
"Well, see the tough looking one?"
"Yes, Maria – smaller men are always attracted to her."
"Her private parts will be the size of a dinner plate."
Patti thrust her handed over her mouth and snorted, tears coming to her eyes.
"And Sara, the tall thin one?"
"She has a bladder infection; she'd been pulling her panty hose up and down so often she's worn holes through it."
Grinning, Patti said she guessed Paul thought Georgia was a lesbian.
As he nodded, she asked, "And what was your assessment of me?"
Paul took the risk, and told the truth: "I thought I might be too big for you."
Patti blushed. "Too old, rather I fancy. May I ask how old?"