"Aren't you going to answer your phone?" her friend asked after it rang the fourth time.
"No. No, I'm not."
She didn't bother explaining why. The call was from her mother, and she hadn't spoken to her mom since she told her daughter she was leaving her father ten years ago. That news had broken her heart, and she still blamed her mom for the divorce. And in her mind, she had every right to do so, because it was her mother who'd been unfaithful.
The call went to voicemail where it stayed for two days before she finally got around to checking it. When she did, she did steeled herself for the sound of her mother's voice to keep her from getting angry. Or at least...too angry.
"Colby? Hi. It's...it's Mom. I know you don't want to talk to me, but I need you to know that..."
There was a fairly long pause before her mother continued.
"Honey? You grandma...my mother...passed away this morning. It was unexpected to be sure, but she was 84, so..."
There was another pause before she finished.
"So...I'm going back home, and I was hoping you and Emma will come, too. To...the funeral. Mom paid for everything several years ago, so all that needs to be done is choose a date for the service. I hope you won't punish your grandmother for my sins, Colby, but if you choose not to come home, I'll understand. You should know Mom left the house to you, so at some point, you'll need to deal with that. Anyway, I...I'd say I'm sorry again, but I know you're not interested in hearing it, so I'll just say...I love you. And I do, you know. Well...goodbye, honey."
By the time the message ended, Colby Sellars was crying from grief and shaking from anger. The grief was obvious. Her grandmother had become a kind of best friend over the years, and the anger was the result of hearing her mother trying to apologize again. It was irrational, but at some level, Colby wanted to blame her mother for her grandmother's death after having destroyed their family.
As she sat there crying, she was glad her seven-year old daughter, Emma, was at school. Colby had cried enough in front of her daughter after having to tell her father was dead two years earlier. Of course, she'd couched it in terms a five-year old girl could understand like her father being in heaven or becoming an angel to watch over them.
Johnny Sellars's death was accidental but not unexpected. Colby knew there was an opioid epidemic in the country, but until then it hadn't been anything more than something she heard about on the evening news. She also knew he was using heroin, and she'd begged him to get help, but it was to no avail.
The reason for his addiction was something Colby understood even if it made her feel like he'd given up and quit. They'd left their small-town life in John Day, Oregon, when her husband convinced her to move to Los Angeles where he hoped to break into the world of show business and land a part in a movie or TV show.
Living in Los Angeles, even in a dumpy apartment in a dangerous neighborhood, was insanely expensive, but Colby believed in her handsome husband, and packed up what little she owned and followed him as he followed his dream, just a year after her mother's sordid affair that was the source of gossip all around town.
"We might both have to wait tables for a year or two, but this will happen, baby. I promise you that," he'd told her shortly after they moved into a barely-livable dive where Colby lived in constant fear.
Johnny Sellars was certainly good looking enough to be an actor. He was the stereotypical 'tall, dark, and handsome' type, and that was what had attracted Colby to him from the moment they first met. He also had some experience with his drama club in both high school and college before returning to John Day where they first met and fell in love. He'd been five years older than her so she'd seen him around town, but she had no idea he might one day ask her to marry him.
So as unlikely as it seemed, Colby thought it was at least possible, and she was so in love she told him to go for it, and they packed up what little they had and headed south to make it big.
Colby was as pretty as he'd been handsome, but the thought of her trying to break into 'the business' herself never crossed her mind. She was a statuesque 5'10" tall and weighed 120 pounds, give or take. Before the birth of her child, she'd worn a size two but didn't look emaciated. After that, she was able to get back down to a four, and at 127 pounds, again give or take, she was perhaps even more attractive than before. She wore her honey-blonde hair to her shoulders, and her blue eyes were bright and beautiful—just like her amazing smile.
But not being overly 'endowed', Colby felt self-conscious about the way she looked in spite of years of being told she was a very beautiful woman. The irony of that was that most supermodels were also very small in that department, and it was viewed as an attribute rather than a negative. But being that tall and wearing a A-cup bra, something she almost didn't even need to wear, kept her from letting her believe she really was beautiful the woman everyone else saw.
The bottom line was, she was young and in love, and back then, nothing else mattered. At least not until Emma came along.
But as time went by and the years ticked off, her husband's big break never came. Their shaky financial situation became desperate after Emma was born, and Colby was forced to continue working just to make ends meet.
And until Johnny turned to cocaine and then heroin, they'd always managed to get by. Colby initially had no idea he was using, but when he was no longer able to hold a job, she began putting two and two together. And then one day she saw the red marks on his arms which soon became 'tracks', and she was more afraid than she'd ever been.
The last two years since Johnny's death had been brutally difficult, but Colby was willing to work two jobs, and thanks to some modest help in the form of welfare, a word she detested but dearly needed, they managed to survive.
Her husband's drug habit ended the day he unwittingly bought a drug from a dealer who told him it was the best stuff he'd ever seen. He promised Johnny the highest of highs, and it was less expensive. At least that's what the detectives who came to their apartment told her.
"Your husband overdosed on Fentanyl," the female officer explained.
Colby hadn't even heard of it, but the male office explained how incredibly strong and lethal it was. He said something about the majority of deaths from opioids no longer being heroin but this synthetically-produced killer that was 50 times stronger than 'smack', the street name for heroin.
She really didn't hear anything else, but she knew they told her again how sorry they were for her loss. That had been two years ago, just one week after Emma turned five.
Too shocked to speak for hours, she sat there unable to even cry. But as the months ticked off, she became angry, and at one point, she even hated him for leaving her and their daughter all alone.