Part One
In my early twenties I got interested in writing and joined the college newspaper. Okay, while I was interested in possibly having a writing career, I also wanted to join the newspaper because of Mr. Lange. He wasn't one of my teachers in the college, but I had had my eye on him.
I usually only saw him once or twice a day: Right after my art class, I would walk to my next class and he'd usually be talking to one of the other teachers outside of his classroom during the period break. And occasionally I'd see him in the school food court grabbing something to eat, like a quick sandwich or a small bag of chips and a soda.
I was 22 and in my senior year and he looked maybe 51-52 years of age. God, he was good-looking. My little slit would turn to honey every time I saw him. He was tall and handsome with handsome flecks of gray in his hair with light eyes. He didn't look like a fitness freak, but it looked like he stayed in good shape for a man his age.
He and I had never talked up until that point -- I had just been admiring from afar in my little corner of the world, so I contented with myself with playing with myself in bed every morning and every night, dreaming of him making love to me and doing naughty things to my body.
So when I saw on the college website that the school newspaper was looking for volunteers and that it was being headed by Mr. Joseph Lange, who was to be one of the Editors-in-Chief, my heart raced at the thought of being close to him and working with him.
That evening, after school, when I went home to my dorm to my bored and disinterested roommate, Diana, and gushed to her about this opportunity about being on the school newspaper and being close to Mr. Lange -- someone I had talked to her endlessly about -- she simply ho-hummed and returned to her fashion magazine and snapped a wad of bubblegum. I gave up and delved into my homework for the evening. I had one written assignment to do, I had to study for an upcoming test in Geometry II, and I had to work on a book report -- one of the drawbacks of college: actual schoolwork!
That night, sleepless and restless, I signed up to be a volunteer for the school publication via the website. I couldn't wait for the following Monday when I would get to work up close and personal with Mr. Lange (or Joe, as I called him in my dreams). I was dreaming of standing close to his tall frame, the "swish" of his suit signaling when he and I brushed up against one another.
But none of that happened at the first meeting. Where was this guy at? I was extremely disappointed that he wasn't there. I guess all the big boys sat at a cushy desk and just got credit for being "Editor-in-Chief" while all of us lackeys did the work, I thought bitterly to myself.
God, did I feel foolish for thinking that.
I learned from another student that he had had a terrible stomach bug on Monday and had to leave school early and he wasn't able to come back till Friday. I felt like a total pig for being so judgmental of him.
That Friday when I went to a meeting for the school publication, I walked into the classroom, a gaggle of kids there, and there was Joseph, in the midst of a bunch of young adults delving into a pile of submissions and papers that had already been sent in for possible publication. I had come a few minutes late and they had started without me, which was alright -- I was just glad to see Joseph there. He looked just as handsome and sharp as ever. I swallowed, a lump in my throat forming.
I awkwardly approached the group and spoke to one of the few people I knew there thus far: Shelley. "Hey Shelley," I said to her. "What's going on?"
"We're looking through these poetry submissions. Here." She grabbed a few paper-clipped submissions and shoved them into my hand. "Look over these poems. In a little while we're going to talk about what we've reviewed."
"All this?" I said skeptically, turning over the papers, looking at the stash.
She put her hand on her hip and looked at me, irritated. "Well, what'd ya expect? A champagne bath? Now get to work, we have a ton of shit to do. Less make-up and more work, Patty," she said, addressing me.
I plopped down in a desk and started reviewing the poems. Some of them were very good and I made notes on the ones that I liked. I was used to Shelley's bossy ways; she and I were roommates in the dorm the year before. She was a pain in the ass to live with, but I grew to like her any way.
About a half-hour later, immersed in the poetry, I heard a deep voice from behind me say: "How's it lookin' there?"
I looked around my shoulder, slightly startled. It was Joseph. He had taken his suit jacket off and his tie was dangling on my bare arm as he leaned over, looking at the writings, his hand on the back of my chair. I was almost speechless at his down-to-earth attractiveness.
"Oh, it's going just fine," I said. "Some of these are really good, I like this one especially," I handed it to him.
He gently took the paper from me and stood up, reading over the short, abbreviated lines. "This
is
good," he said and pulled a chair up to my desk. "What do you think it's about?"
I was slightly intimidated by his intense gaze, but I tried to remain composed. "I think it's about a young boy who has lost his dog."
"Really? I mean, I got that," he said. "But I thought of the dog as maybe a long lost love or maybe something that got away from him, like an opportunity or a chance he never got back." He handed it back to me. I reread it.
"
Yeah
, I think you're
right
," I smiled, not realizing that the dog had been a metaphor.
Joseph and I chatted a little bit more about the poetry and what we thought this line meant or that line meant, et cetera. At about four o'clock that afternoon all of us sat in a circle discussing our notes and what we thought were positive and negative traits about some of the work we had received.
After the meeting was adjourned, all of us straightened up our papers into neat stacks and put them into folders, filing them away for another day. As Joseph was doing this, I overheard him talking to a student, telling him he was going to the football game that night. I pretended I was minding my own business, but I was eavesdropping. I suddenly decided going to the football game tonight would be a good idea after all.
We were in the latter part of September in Iowa, but it was still extremely muggy out. I went back to the dorm, showered, and got dressed for the game. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I reapplied my make-up in the bathroom mirror as Diana sat on the counter, unusually interested in what I was doing.
"All this for some guy?" she asked, chomping on an apple.
I was applying my lipstick. "Yep. He's going to be there tonight and I'm hoping to run into him."
Diana laughed. "All this," she said, gesturing to my outfit and make-up, "is nothing but a faΓ§ade. Don't be a fool, Patty," she said, grinning and taking another bite.
"Oh, poop on you," I told her. "You don't know nothin' yet. You'll see one day."
Part Two
I met Shelley at the game, along with a couple of other girlfriends. I sure as hell wasn't going to tell Shelley about my crush on Joseph -- she had a huge mouth that would
not