Heart attacks are a pain in the ass. Well, not exactly, but still, they get in the way of things and I really didn't have time for one.
No matter, a person doesn't get to choose, so I got a short stay in the hospital. They told me it wasn't really a heart attack though, "just" a blocked main artery.
After installing a couple of those culverts they call stents inside me and then a couple of days poking me to try and figure out why I wasn't dead, they more or less kicked me out along with warnings to never do anything ever again.
The cardiologist looked to be about 16 to me, he told me no drinking, no smoking, no excess exertion, no food that tastes good and to take it easy in the sex department.
That last part made me almost choke, hell, I am 65 and my wife passed years ago. "Easy" with the sex?
I would have a chat with my right hand.
I can't say it was all unpleasant, though. Nora, my favorite nurse saw to that nicely. To say I was startled the way she just wrapped her hand around me and took care of things would be an understatement. I had heard rumors about things like that but I didn't believe any of them.
Well, now I did.
My son and his wife dropped me off at my house after picking me up at my release. They took turns scolding me with no mercy for nearly an hour as we drove.
"No chopping wood, take your pills, rest up, do this, do that!" More of the same from all directions.
Yep, talk about a pain in the ass! I know, they are my kids, and they don't want me to kick the bucket quite yet.
It didn't help at all that Lisa, the youngest grandaughter got into the act from the back seat.
"You should try Yoga, Grandpa. It really helps to relax, I learned that in school. Plus maybe get a massage or something?"
Hell, she is only 10 years old, what kind of a damned school does she go to, anyway?
Marti, the 13 year old just sat there being surly like all 13 year old girls. A relief, actually.
Her purple hair and black stocking cap didn't do much for me either. At least there were no rings in her nose or eyebrows or anywhere else...yet. Not any I knew about anyway.
The truth is I was hearing it all but not hearing it if you know what I mean. I was thinking of Nora, my nurse. I had her phone number tucked securely in my shirt pocket.
My first impression of Nora was a nice looking older woman. Yes, I know that is silly since I am older. She turned out to be 48, I would have guessed around 35-40 or so.
Then as I lay there and she simply took ahold of my dick to help me take a whiz since I was lying on my back under orders not to move? Something about the vein in my groin might open up and I could bleed to death if I moved?
Try that sometime, take a leak with some gal you don't know holding onto your dick.
Swell. It really had been quite a few years since anyone had touched me, not since my wife passed on. Nora then really got my attention when she reached down and stroked me a few times to help her get the damned catheter in.
I wasn't too sure that was necessary but she was the nurse, what could I say?
Then a couple of days later during a bed bath she had spotted my discomfort and relieved it like that was a normal thing. I decided that to her it was.
I think it took her all of 15 seconds. She seemed to know exactly what to do and how to do it.
It sure got my attention though. The second time she did that, just before I was released was way more. That one was for fun and no doubt at all about that.
That is what I was thinking, anyway.
My kind of woman for sure. I lay there with my thoughts and realized just how lonely I was. No wife, the kids grown and off to their lives, all that was left was me and the work. I really don't mind work at all, but coming home afterwards to a good soft woman is tough to top.
I wiped a tear from my eye thinking about that, glad there was no one in my room right then.
Later I mustered up my courage and I asked Nora for a date, that was completely out of character for me, plus I was some 4 decades out of practice.
With Nora, it was easy. I had noticed that, too. With her everything was easy, we had chatted like long time friends for hours. I told her about my nice ranch, how it was tough living alone. I talked about my plans to clear even more fields, the crops I wanted to plant and harvest. She sat and listened, then she told me about living in an apartment in the city, and how she thought I was lucky to be strong and in reasonably good shape with property.
I was actually enjoying it enough that I was mildly saddened when they told me it was time to go. My kids met me at the exit and they loaded me in their van, acting like they thought I would fall down any second.
Hell, there was nothing wrong with my legs. I had created quite a fuss when the intern showed up with the wheelchair, but he refused to budge. Still, it took Nora to come in to get me in the damned thing, by then I would have done anything she asked.
My son's wife Stefanie laid out the pills ordered by the Doctor in a little container, one section for each day of the week. Then she carefully placed the thing right in front of my coffee pot where I couldn't miss them.
"I will call you to remind you." Stef said, patting me on the shoulder as I sat in my big leather chair.
No..don't..call..me....I thought, gritting my teeth.
Hell, I might be 65 but I am not old and I am not infirm, I could take care of myself.
I wanted them to leave, let me be, so I could go check on my chainsaw. The last I had seen of that was it flying through the air, almost brand new and it had cost me $295.00, it was a damn good one.
Finally, mercifully, they loaded up the now running around screaming kids and left after a bunch of hugs and more orders. I sat down again in my big soft chair, planning out all the work I wanted to get done.
And promptly went to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night hungry. So I went to the fridge, sliced off some paper thin slices of cheese, found a chunk of Turkey ham and sat back down to eat.
I woke up again to the sound of my Coffee pot going off, 6 AM like always. I went in to get a cup, there sat those damned pills. I went to dump out the little tray and three of the lids popped open. Pills everywhere. Now I didn't know which one or how many of each.
I looked at the calender, it was Saturday. So I opened up the next Wednesday tab, took those and made a note on the calender that Saturday meant Wednesday. That would work, no way in hell was I going to call Stef or my son.
With a steaming cup in my hand, I went out to my garage to check on my chainsaw. I rolled the chain, it was free and even looked to be still straight. I found my saw file and touched up the teeth a bit.
Then I looked at the pile of wood, it was every which way, so I started pulling it out and stacking it neatly. I finally got that done, glanced at my watch. It was now 11 in the morning.
I went back inside and cracked two eggs, fried them and sat down to eat. Still hungry, I found a tin of chili, dumped that in a bowl and hit the buttons on my microwave. It took me a half dozen tries, the stupid thing doesn't have a dial. Instead it's push start, set the time, push another button for how much power, then push again. Push push push push...good grief! Just hell. I finally set it for 10 minutes wide open and looked at my watch, one minute should do it.
I was thinking about calling Nora but now I was thinking that would be silly. No way was a lady like that really interested in an old man like me. Just then my phone rang.
"Good Morning, Honey!" Nora's voice sang out.
