It was downright comical, me, a seventy something old codger, being in a room of fifteen lovely women and them asking my opinion on who had the most beautiful breasts. I was grinning but they were taking this thing very seriously and wanted this old gentleman's judgment.
They'd been doing this 'thing' for several weeks to see which one had the best tits and I'd sorta maneuvered it so they'd ask me to settle their argument. It all started back in the spring when the Humming birds were flying around the Tulips.
Being in this nursing home sometimes has its perks and after living here for five years I kinda know how to get around the staff. Every morning after breakfast, I'd wheel myself to the main lounge and position the chair like I'm watching TV. But I ain't really. The nurses station is real close and I shut my eyes like I'm dozing but actually I'm listening to what them pretty ladies talk about.
Brenda, the head nurse, mostly discussed stuff in relation to staff duties, medications, cleaning rooms, or changing Mary Addison's diaper. No one likes doing that because she fights them, biting and kicking. I know why she does it, but the staff doesn't ask me, so I don't tell them.
During the warmer months we get taken on outings to the park and fairs and ball games. The home needs additional help pushing us old fogies around, loading us in the bus, or doing things when we need help. So they hire some university gals as aides and damn pretty they are. They help me get dressed in the mornings, take me to the loo, and I get them to converse. It's easy to make them to talk about their boyfriends.
The new aides for this year had completed their orientation and I sat listening like I habitually did, the nurse was giving instructions for the day's activities. Two of the new gals were off to one side talking about breasts, and this old man perked up his ears.
"Amber, are you having your breasts enlarged?"
"Um hum. My boyfriend says it will make me sexier, he wants to play with them."
"When are you going to have it done?"
"Thursday I'm seeing the doctor. He'll ..."
"Girls, pay attention," Brenda commanded.
That ended their conversation, at least for now. Maybe I could catch wind of this topic later; I'd have to keep my eyes on those two gals.
In the afternoon when most residents were taking a nap, I spied these two babes standing, talking. I couldn't hear but Amber had her hands under her breasts, lifting and pushing. The second gal reached down the front of her blouse, adjusting her bra raising them slightly. They had my full attention, not realizing the show they were putting on.
Two other ladies joined their conversation and before long more staff was gathered around. They became very animated, pushing, pulling, bouncing and parading their frontal assets. I could see the heated discussion as they stood in a circle, tuning out the residents.
Everyone scattered as Brenda approached, one disappeared into my room. Time for me to start a discussion I thought, and wheeled in that direction. She was folding my laundry and putting it away.
"April, were you gals having an interesting conversation out there?"
She feigned innocence. "Boyfriends, we were talking about boyfriends."
"No you weren't. You were talking about boobs."
She must have caught the twinkle in my eye and blushed. "Yeah, kind of."
"What's the argument about?" I had my suspicions but wanted her to tell me.
"We were talking about who had the biggest."
"And your conclusion is ..."
"We think it's Grace," she said, indicating another aide.
She continued folding my clothes and I was silent for a moment. "Why is size important?"
"I dunno. Everyone likes them that way."
"What about yours? Do you like yours?"
The color rose in her cheeks and with a bowed head, she turned to put my shirts in the drawer. I wasn't about to let her off the hook and reiterated my question.
