Any time of year is beautiful for a drive down Highway 2 in Eastern Ontario, but fall is particularly delightful. The golden yellow of farmers' fields, the coloured leaves, and the beautiful homes along the road make for spectacular scenery. It was slower than taking the 401 back to Kingston, but I wasn't in any hurry.
A charming cottage caught my eye, and twigged a memory of a weekend I had spent at Picton one fall many years ago, at a Christian retreat centre; we'd been an odd mix of people from all over the eastern part of the province. It was advertised as a singles weekend, but my friend (who was also my manager at work) and I saw it as a weekend away, with someone else doing the cooking.
We weren't prepared for the assortment of desperately lonely singles that signed up for the weekend. Jane and I stayed close together that first night at dinner, and in the evening decided to play some cards together in the lounge area. Two men joined us fairly quickly; a man about Jane's age, perhaps early 50s, and a young man about my age, early 20s. They seemed as relieved as we were to find other people who weren't too odd, and we spent an enjoyable few hours playing cards, chatting and joking.
By about 10:00 we were the only ones left in the lounge. Greg, the older gentleman, and Jake, the younger one, were great company and I found myself hoping we could hang out with them all weekend, both for their great company, and to keep other men at bay. Alone in our room that night, Jane confessed to finding Greg attractive. I was really happy for her, and hopeful; she had never married, and has such a big heart, I knew she had a lot of love to give someone. Personally, I enjoyed Jake's company, but I was too insecure and shy to think he would want anything more from me than perhaps someone to pass some time with. He had those rugged good looks that you see in the movies, and a great sense of humour, and yet was down-to-earth and able to make me comfortable. Guys like him didn't date shy, awkward girls like me.
The next morning at breakfast Joan and I sat together, and a couple of other women joined us. It was fine, but I couldn't help keeping my eyes open for Jake and Glen. I finally spotted Jake once the morning programming began. He was sitting on the other side of the room; I tried to not be obvious about looking at him. During a fifteen-minute break, Joan and I were chatting when Jake came up to say 'hi'. My smile got even bigger when he asked if he could sit with us at lunch.
After that we spent the whole weekend together; Jane, Jake and I, and occasionally Greg. Saturday afternoon, anyone who was interested took a bus to Sandbanks Park. Jane had knee trouble and would have found walking in the sand difficult, so she sat at a picnic table near the parking lot and urged me to go explore the dunes. I didn't need any more encouragement to take some time to myself, or to explore the beauty that is Sandbanks. I ran up and over a dune and drew in a breath at the expanse of sand and water before me. No one else was on the dunes; not even anyone else from our group yet. I took of my socks and shoes and ran down the dune towards the water. Amazed at having such a spot to myself, I turned and walked further into the dunes, following the water line.
I felt like I was in a movie. Never had I seen a beach like this. Clean white sand, blown into massive dunes, with trees and bushes growing in random spots. When I agreed to come on this weekend I hadn't expected to get an opportunity like this. I was following the curve of the lake around the dune when I saw someone jogging towards me. My pulse quickened when I realized it was Jake.
"Hey!" he said. "You ran off before I could catch up. Robyn started talking to me and walking with me before I could follow you. It was a while before I could tell her that I wanted to catch up with you." I'm sure I lit up when he said this. I hadn't exactly been popular with boys growing up, and hadn't dated much. Robyn was another woman my age at the retreat, and I was flattered to learn that Jake chose me over her. We walked on the dunes together for a long time before realizing that it was time to head back to the bus. It had been such a great afternoon, getting to know Jake without anyone else around, and I was reluctant to head back to the retreat centre.
That night we played cards late into the night, none of us wanting to call it quits when we knew we were all heading home the next day. Jake and Greg lived much closer to Picton than us, so we didn't know when we would see each other again, and had really enjoyed our time together. Sunday morning sped by, and all too soon lunch was over and we were packed to go home. Jake came by after he packed his car, and seemed nervous about something. Jane was grinning, and I didn't realize why until he spit out a question. "Can I get your phone number, so I can call you?" he asked.
As if I'd say 'no'! The drive home with Joan was amazing; I was flying high after Jake asked for my phone number, and that coupled with the scenic fall drive made me feel that life was grand. I felt bad that Greg hadn't asked to stay in touch with Jane, and I knew she was disappointed. Being Jane, though, she was very happy for me that Jake had asked for my number.
He called the next weekend when my roommate had a house full of people. I was in the kitchen getting some dinner; I could barely make out that it was Jake on the other end, it was so loud. People were talking and laughing, and it was incredibly hard to hear. I tried to explain what was going on, and that maybe we could talk another time instead, when the house would be quieter.
I never heard back from Jake. I don't know if he thought I was putting him off, or what happened. Was I disappointed? Definitely. I really enjoyed his company, thought he was attractive, and found him easy to talk to, which wasn't normal for me. Every weekend for the next month I hoped he would call, but he didn't. I didn't have his number, so I couldn't call him. This was the 90s, before the convenience of cell phones.
The next year I met Ben, who was ten years older than me, and we got married. We had our daughter, and a troubled marriage. He wasn't physically abusive, but had baggage from his childhood and struggled with communicating normally. Life in our house was strained. When he died of a sudden heart attack last year in his late fifties I was sad, but had already begun mourning the loss of our marriage years ago. Driving through this area again, I began wondering how Jake's life had turned out; whether he still lived in this area, whether he was in a relationship.
I was still thinking about him when I arrived home a couple of hours later to my empty house. Dropping my overnight bag on the floor to unpack later, I pulled up Facebook on my phone. I tried entering his name, but none of the Jake Burnetts that came up seemed like they could be him. My excitement deflated. It was possible he wasn't on Facebook, or any social media. Drumming my fingers on the sofa, I tried to figure out what else to try. I googled Jake Burnett; still no hits. Sigh.
Then it struck me that he might use his full name. I quickly typed Jacob Burnett in the Facebook search, and my pulse increased when I saw several listed. One was listed as living in Picton, and his profile picture was of a couple of children. This could be him! I clicked on the link, hoping his privacy settings weren't too high.
I quickly clicked on the photo link to see more photos from Jacob's page. Success; there was the face I remembered from 20 years ago. His hair was shorter than it had been, his face not quite as thin, but this was definitely the ruggedly-good-looking guy I remembered. I stared at his face for a bit, remembering his quick smile and dry sense of humour. It really had been a good time getting to know him, and the disappointment at his not keeping in touch was still there, twenty years later.
Scrolling through the rest of his photos, I saw him with two kids obviously his; two girls that looked about 15 and 11. No pictures of a wife. Checking his friends list, I saw a Julie Burnett. Her photos confirmed what I figured; she was his wife, and had a couple of their wedding photos, whole family photos, and photos of just the two of them. One photo showed that Jake still filled out a pair of jeans well, and his shoulders looked broad and muscular. Was it my imagination, or did he really not look happy in any of the photos since the wedding? I wondered what Jake would think of me if he saw me again. Would I look like I had aged well, or not?
Sighing, I considered. I would love to see him again. The thought of what could have been wouldn't leave my head. I know; he was still married, even if I wasn't. But I just wanted to meet him, to catch up and try to get an idea of whether he would still find me attractive. I guess my ego had taken a beating over the years. Heading to bed, I continued to think of past and present possibilities.
The next day I typed out the message I had penned in my head the night before.
Hi, Jake,
I don't know if you will remember me, but we met at a retreat centre one fall about 20 years ago, near Picton. I was driving through the area recently, and memories of our time there came flooding back. It was a great weekend; Jane and I were so glad you and Greg were there. What could have been a terrible weekend turned into a lot of fun.
I always regretted that my roommate was having a party when you called the next weekend. It was almost impossible to hear you, so I'm sorry I had to cut the conversation short. I don't know what happened at your end, but I was disappointed to never hear from you again. If we were 20 years younger and met now, it would have been completely different; we could have been texting right away.
Anyway, "what could have been", right? I was married for 21 years and had a daughter; my husband died a while ago. I still live in Kingston. If you're interested, I would love to see you again some time and catch up on what life has held.
Bronwyn
Hitting send, I crossed my fingers that Jake's curiosity would win out over any feeling that he owed it to his wife not meet a woman he used to be interested in.
Thought I kept checking my Facebook account each day, I didn't hear back from Jake. I was definitely disappointed, but not too surprised. He was married, and if I was his wife I wouldn't want him to go off meeting other women.
