Disclaimer:
I will tell you about events that took place this June.
I am not a native English speaker. I wish my vocabulary bank was bigger. Some sentences may be clumsy. You may find grammar mistakes or wrong use of words.
But this is my best effort.
My topic isn't mainstream. It's not for everyone. Some of you will hate it.
I hope you are able to judge by title and tags whether or not this story is for you.
Thank you.
Cecilie
1
I am Cecilie. I'm a tall young woman, 1.80, slim and very fit. I have been called statuesque and I won't object to that. I am proud of my looks. My hair is dark blonde, long and wavy. I know men find me attractive. I have been told I have a kind looking face with classic beautiful features.
My husband Tim is also a looker, with his athletic physique and beautiful eyes. Like me he's 25. He is also tall, 1.90. We've been together for four years now. We both come from privileged backgrounds and have for three years owned our cosy two bedroom downtown apartment. We married last year.
The first three years of our relationship were wonderful. Even our sex life was great. True, there always was a disparity in sex-drive. I could have it multiple times a day! But he always did his utmost to satisfy me. He has given me good sex on a near-daily basis for more than three years.
I always wanted to be a young mother but Tim was hesitant. He used to say he didn't feel mature enough. Still, a year ago, we decided to start a family. Which has been much easier said than done. Despite frequent sexual intercourse I couldn't succeed in becoming pregnant. A fertility test showed that Tim's sperm production is very low, gradually almost non-existent. Some time ago he received a diagnosis - "Azoospermia"."
The motility and quality of his sperm is low too, so Tim is receiving fertility drugs. I have suggested we use donated sperm and Tim is open to that.
To add insult to injury his equipment shrinks. Yes! By a lot too! That's really not so uncommon. Tim used to be of medium size.
Well, he's not anymore...
So, ta-da! Our marriage is blessed with two more diagnoses! We need to deal with Tim's "Testicular Atrophy" and his "Penile Atrophy"...
Then, guess what? You guessed, didn't you? Of course. He's suddenly not able to get it up! Almost out of the blue.
I have tried lingerie, porn, booze, all kinds of dirty talk. I suck him the best I can, which is pretty damn good! But no, still a softy. At best an erection that disappears once he's inside me. It's been like that for three months.
So, what's the name of the problem we struggle with here? A "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder", I assume?
We have become tired of seeing doctors.
My own libido on the other hand is through the roof! It's really gone out of control.
Lately I've begun wondering if our decision to start a family was a smart one. Of course our present problems are stressing our marriage. The last months Tim's personality has been getting on my nerves too.
There are aspects of his character that I find increasingly annoying. His alleged radicalism, for instance, this need to disassociate himself from his bourgeois background. I think his political views are superficial and simplified.
Little by little I have come to acknowledge that he also is spoiled and work-shy. Tim was sacked from his latest job because of frequent absence. Myself, I'm finishing my master's degree in law these days. I'm proud to call myself ambitious.
But I am painfully aware that allowances from Tim's parents is our prime source of income.
And he is changing to the worse. He has become more and more sulky. Increasingly awkward and insecure, no doubt due to our problems.
His favourite remedy seems to be booze and weed.
The long and short of it, the present situation bothers both of us. A lot. "Infertility depression"? That's no doubt a potential diagnosis too. For us both.
So, we go through a rocky period now. Our sex life is almost non existent, and we fight a lot. During a quarrel a few weeks ago, I was so mad I told Tim I might leave him.
His reaction was shockingly vehement. He actually started to cry and told me if that ever happened, he would kill himself. And no matter what I said or did, he would never dream of leaving me. He loved me more than life, he said.
And me? I have loved him dearly for a long time. Now it's more like living with a grumpy low-sexed panda on a zoo breeding programme. I'm running very thin in patience.
But my feelings for him will return.
I hope.
2
Tim and I had just returned from a three week vacation, when his mother called. Her father had been depressed since he was widowed. He had been living with them for four weeks now and had begun to recover. Now they were about to redecorate the house, could we accommodate him his last week before he left the country?
Tim's grandparents had lived in the US his entire life and he didn't know them well. He didn't think much of his grandfather, though. Being a leftist, he accused his grandfather of being a capitalist pig. Not entirely unreasonable, I'm afraid, the methods the old man had used to build his fortune appeared to be quite ruthless. Karl seems to be a man who takes what he wants and hates taking no for an answer.
I believe Tim always was quite intimated by his strong-willed grandfather. Perhaps even jealous of such a vigorous and successful man.
Of course we had to grant my husband's grandfather accommodation. I had met Karl only a few times, last at his wife's funeral three months ago. I definitely like him. He is a distinguished, very handsome man of 70, short, barely 1.70. He is still running his business, working full-time.
My husband's grandfather is the father of five sons and one daughter, all of whom have done very well. In the sense that they all are strikingly attractive, well-educated, have great careers ... all that. I had a very pleasant talk with him at the funeral and like previously we had a really good rapport.
We had a good conversation about the perishability of life, no less! Karl is a wise and very interesting man.
Still, my grandfather-in-law is a classic Pater familias, a patriarch of a kind that mostly is history in our part of the world.
His life in recent months has been astounding. Immediately after the funeral, a young woman of 26 moves in with the old man! Shortly after, they marry. Tim's tolerant mom was surprised and very sceptical.
She knew her father had had mistresses, he seems to have been quite the stud. But she had no idea her father had a mistress at this ripe age. She was uncertain as to what this was all about. Was it a young hussy who just wanted to get hold of the old man's money? Was he becoming demented? Or were they actually in love? She couldn't tell.
Tim and his mom aren't very close. But she and I have a fantastic relationship! I often name her my best friend, and I believe she is. We can talk about everything.