Noticing a beautiful woman is one thing. Not being able to stop staring at her is quite another. Not only is it rude but it usually makes the woman who notices uncomfortable. So that Saturday morning in Harvard Square so many years ago was like any other until she came into my range of view. I was sitting at one of the coffee shop's outdoor tables enjoying my coffee and bagel while reading the newspaper and then there she was just as I was about to start the sports pages, my favorite part of the newspaper.
I will do her an injustice by attempting to describe her. She was tall and thin. My tastes generally don't go towards the particularly thing woman however she had these dark expressive eyes that were set off by her even more expressive eye brows. She had a wide mouth with pouty lips. These are lips that men and women dream of kissing. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She was wearing a billowy white blouse and jeans which kept the details beneath them a secret for the most part. Yet her beauty was undeniable and as she sat down I saw more than one man twist his head to look at her. She looked to be in her late 20s or early 30s.
She sat facing me, only a table away, and I looked down at her hands. Her fingers were long and beautiful. I noticed a rather large diamond engagement ring on her finger in front of her wedding band. I thought of how lucky some guy was to have this beautiful creature in his life and how I hoped she was something more than just a trophy wife.
I really wanted to sit there and stare at her for a long time but told myself it was rude and cause her discomfort. But I found it nearly impossible to not keep looking up from my newspaper to look into her face one more time. Each time I looked up she seemed more beautiful than the last. Although she was obviously tanned it was equally obvious that she was naturally dark as someone of Italian or Spanish heritage would be. But as I kept looking I thought maybe she was Turkish or Lebanese. I played these little games all the time but of course almost never was able to satisfy my curiosity.
"Do I know you?" Her annoyance was quite obvious when next I looked at her.
"No." I said remorsefully and in full blush.
"So why do you keep staring at me?"
"Because you're so beautiful."
"Well now there's an original pick up line," she said showing more annoyance and also holding up her left hand to be certain I could see her wedding band. "I'm married."
I should have simply apologized and left before I made things any worse. "I know but you're still beautiful." Now I was annoying myself with the way I was talking. "I'm really sorry. I just find you particularly beautiful and I was debating something with myself."
"What's that?" she asked still annoyed.
"What your heritage is. I was thinking maybe you are Lebanese." I was going to say Italian just to increase my chance at being right at something at that point but for reasons beyond me I said otherwise.
"That's right," she said softening her tone just slightly.
"I'm really sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention. But honestly, I think beauty such as yours is relatively rare."
"I guess I'm not so bad for an old broad!" She said smiling at me for the first time.
My usually ill-advised thought of presenting a woman's age managed its way out when I said, "Being 30 isn't such a bad thing."
"I couldn't agree with you more," she said with a smile, "but I'm 43 and I'll be 44 in a couple of months."
I was flabbergasted. "You're kidding me right?"
"No, why, do you really think I look 30?"
"Yes! Oh course I do. No way you're 43."
"Honey, when I graduated high school Fats Domino was talking about blue suede shoes."
"You're kidding me." I said in almost total disbelief. She smiled in response. I couldn't believe this beautiful woman was more than 12 years older than me and it was at that point I had to honestly admit to myself that I did have desires for this woman. But being the basic good boy rule follower I wasn't about to act on my feelings. She was, after all, a married woman. But I thought if I could engage he in some sort of conversation then I could look at her without her becoming angry. "Are you meeting someone here?" I asked what I thought was a truly dumb question and wished I could withdraw it before it hit her ears.
"I am, I mean, I was, but he's over an hour late so I guess I'm not."
I was confused by what she had just said and it registered on my face. She'd been there only 10 minutes at most so who could she say that. My confusion showed as she replied to it by saying, "I was going to meet my husband here. He was supposedly meeting one of his business partners to have a brief conference over coffee and I was supposed to arrive just in time to get him off the hook as he put it. But I should have known that bastard didn't have a Saturday conference." Anger was rising noticeably in her voice. "He's out with that
fucking
bitch and he think's I'm so
fucking
stupid I won't figure it out and what does he think? Does he think I'll be the good wife and brush off his absence to," she paused, "I don't know what the fuck he thinks I should attribute it to!" Her anger and voice had risen quickly.
I wanted to respond but I hadn't a clue of what to say. She got up suddenly and took the seat right next to me. "What is it with men?" She asked angrily.
"What do you mean?"
"Do they think all women are stupid? Do they think that once they're married and have the good little wife the can do whatever they want. I've given him 15 years of my life! More if you count the college years and the years before we were married. I was blind. My friends told me he was little more than a gigolo but I told them they were wrong and even just a few weeks ago I told a my best friend she didn't know what she was talking about when she said Harold was having an affair. I told her she was nuts and that I'd know if he were screwing around. I lied to her. I knew it all along. It's not the first time either and I just sit back and take it."
She was looking right through me as she let go of her vitriol and I heard it for what it was and didn't take it personally. Then she moved her head slowly to one side then the other. She placed her hand over mine and said, "I'm so sorry. I don't even know you and I've just dumped all my crap on you. You're an angel. You must think I'm nuts. Well, I guess I am a little nuts but who wouldn't be if they had a cheating bastard of a husband like I do! Oh my God I've been so stupid. I gave up my career for him! I put that bastard through law school and he promised he'd help me go back to grad school but did he, no! Has he done anything for me! No! He's the selfish bastard everyone always said he was. God, to think I only married him because my father hated him so much. Daddy said he'd give me $100,000 cash if I wouldn't marry him. Poor daddy. He meant well but all that did was push me towards the bastard and all mommy did was cry all day. I thought she was crying because she was happy for me at my wedding. People cry at funerals too don't they."
"Peter," I said.
"Huh?" She replied a little confused.
"My name's Peter."
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I've been unloading all my crap on you and I didn't even have the courtesy to ask you your name. You must think I'm horrible. You probably think I'm nuts and should be locked up."
"No I don't," I replied honestly.
"I'm Evelyn, Evelyn Hamel. My friends call me Evy."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Evy." I didn't have to force a smile because it really was a pleasure. I found being in the company of a beautiful woman who wasn't full of herself to be a most pleasurable thing.
That day I met Evy I was 30 and married but separated. My wife had dumped me because she'd caught me screwing around with an 18 year old who I was supposedly tutoring which I was doing but it was in more than just US History. So listening to Evy made me feel a bit guilty as I wasn't so terribly different than her husband.
Evy clutched my hand and asked, "Will you go to bed with me?"
So every atom in my body screamed "Yes! Yes!" But someone my mouth said "What?" I knew exactly what she'd said. I hadn't misunderstood her and I know I was feeling disbelief at such a question. I guess I wanted reassurance but I also wanted, and I'm not sure where this came from at that time, I wanted to give her a chance to take a breath and think better of her question and withdraw it. And to be totally honest a woman of her stunning beauty was just a bit intimidating to me and I was a little afraid of not satisfying her needs.