All characters engaged in sex acts are eighteen or older. The dog DOESN'T DIE.
I feel like it was the story of my life that I never appreciated what I had until it was gone. I chomped at the bit to get away from my mom and dad and out on my own. Fleeing the country and living in poverty in a country where I didn't even speak the language wasn't what I had in mind, though it ended up working out. I wanted to go out and make more money, sacrificing my time with Abril, and then I lost her, the thing that meant most to me, when I was out on the oil rig. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. It's like when you're hurt that much you learn not to want, to never to get your hopes up.
For a while I thought I had it figured out. Don't connect to anything or anyone and you won't get hurt. Sure, it was bleak, but it was better than the pain that gnawed at me. I spent five years of my life in this state of mind, alone and numb, thinking that this was as good as it got.
Beth gave me hope that things could change. For so long I felt like letting down my guard would mean being overwhelmed by the pain of life. The roughneck life was perfect for this. Spend time on the rig, go home for a while. Sometimes I would see a familiar face on the rig, but as soon as they were there they were gone. I could pass through life like a ghost, intangible and invisible. Until she came along.
At first I did it mostly for her. After all, she was the one with wants, not me. She needed someone, and I thought I could be in her life and make her feel a bit better without getting too attached. She wanted to play a game with me, and at first it seemed harmless. Even when her passion slipped from behind her mask of innocence, when we were in that dressing room and she showed her body to me, I held back. But soon I started to slip and fell down the path I should have known I would end up on. That night when we were completely together finally sealed my fate. I had never felt so close to someone as I had to her that night, and my defenses dropped. They crumbled. The fear I had of life loosened.
When you're dreading something for so long, it can almost feel like a relief when it happens. At least you don't have to worry anymore. I'll always remember. The day disaster struck, the first thing I heard was a dog barking.
I had gotten around to the dishes that had been sitting in my sink for several days and I heard the dog. It just mixed in with the simple ambience of the summer day. But soon there was a commotion. The front door opened, and I heard her sobs.
Beth dashed inside, almost knocking me over when she crashed into me. She was senseless and blubbering, and Cody ran in after her, whining. Her face was a mess, the anguish pouring out of it. Her cries were muffled when she buried her face in my chest.
"Holy shit, Baby Girl... What happened?" I asked the question, though I dreaded the answer, and thought I already knew it.
"Daddy!" She coughed. A string of words tumbled out of her mouth, and I could only understand a few of them. I squeezed onto her as tight as I could, trying to calm her heaving, trembling body.
"Shhh, shhhh Sweetpea." I patted and rubbed her back, but nothing seemed to calm her. I put both hands on her shoulders and gingerly pushed her away. Her face was beet red and her hair was a mess. Her eyelashes were stuck together with the wetness of her tears. Worst of all was the way her face contorted in her pain. "Baby Girl, take some deep breaths. Daddy's here."
I led her over to the kitchen table and sat her down. She was still wet and moaning. I went to get her a glass of water, but realized that this might call for something a little stronger. I popped off the top of one of the peach wine coolers she liked and set it on the table in front of her and grabbed a beer for myself. She eschewed the reluctance she usually had and took a good long pull. Cody whined and licked her leg.
When the bottle came away from her lips, she showed signs of calming down. She had finally caught her breath, and her sobs were less frequent, though they still shook her. I sat next to her and took her hand. I had to steel myself, to brace for what was coming. I took just as big a gulp of my beer. "Look at me, Beth."
She looked up, her hazel eyes bloodshot and shining. "You're safe here, Sweetpea. I want you to take some deep breaths and tell me what's wrong. Do you understand?"
Beth took another generous gulp of her drink and silently nodded her head. "Now, what happened?" I said.
"Mom... she knows. She knows everything now." Fuck, I knew it. I had good enough sense to know that now wasn't the time for "I told you so."
"I'm here, Beth, tell me."
"I was cleaning up my room when mom came in. I heard her footsteps, but she didn't say anything. She just stood behind me, it was weird. But when I turned around to look at her, she had our pictures in her hand. You know, the ones we took at the mall. She just held it out to me, like I would know what to say. I froze." She sipped her drink.
"She said they had fallen out of my dress when she was washing clothes. I'm sorry Daddy, it was wrong for me to take them." She screwed up her face again and the tears started falling.
I had wondered where those were. "Beth, forget about it. The pictures don't matter," I said.
She nodded again. "So mom said I had better explain myself. She asked me when this was and what you had done to me. I didn't expect her to be concerned and scared like this. I thought she would just be mad at me. She asked me if we had really kissed, I don't know why. We were kissing in the pictures." She gave a weak smile. "I nodded. I still didn't know what to say. She had a bunch of questions after that. How long had it been going on? When did we take the pictures? She said she had thought something was up that time you came over to fix the dryer. I just answered all the questions, and told her that you had let me drink and watch movies, and that we did it. You know, had sex. I didn't know what else to do.
"She called you a bunch of dirty names. Pervert, predator, degenerate. She started crying then and saying how you had abused me and taken advantage of me. She said she was going to have you arrested. Then she asked me if you had ever forced yourself on me, like assaulted me..." She looked down.
"That made me so mad, Daddy, that she thought you could do something like that to me. She didn't understand all you had done for me. I know you're a good man Daddy, and I love you. I started yelling back at her. I told her you weren't any of those dirty things, that you loved me and treated me right. Mom told me I was crazy, and I was too young and you had brainwashed me. I had never seen her this mad, Daddy. She said that you had ruined me and taken away my innocence.
"But I yelled back at her. I said that you showed me more love than she ever did, and you let me live my life. I told her all the things we had done together, even when you fingered me in the basement with her at home. I told her that I liked what we did and I liked how you felt inside of me. Everything came out, I think mom was a little stunned. But I couldn't stop, I told her everything that I was pissed at her about. Ever. How she never let me do anything, about her lying to me about my real dad, I even showed her my tattoo. I think she almost fainted, Daddy." There was a smile again, this time a little less forced.
"But then she didn't feel bad for me anymore, and she called me all the names she had called you. She said that it was my fault too, that I seduced you and you couldn't control yourself. She said that I had the devil in me and she was going to take me to our pastor. She said
you
were the devil. I yelled right back at her. I said she was mean and didn't love me and that she was a," she whispered, "bitch. And that she needed a man to do it with her, but I said the f-word instead.
"I had to get out, then. I ran here. I knew that I needed you, Daddy. I knew you could protect me from her." She fell silent, and drained her bottle. I placed another in front of her.
I took her other hand in mine. "Baby Girl, you're safe here." I was afraid her mom would come charging down here and give me a piece of her mind. And I needed Beth to cool off a little. Sometimes this would happen with guys at work when they got pissed at each other about something. The manager would put them on different shifts so they wouldn't be able to get into it, and then they would be fine once they cooled down. She wouldn't be able to avoid her mom forever, but at least she could get some time to put her thoughts together. "Come on, we're gonna go lie down."
I pulled the blinds in my room and laid her down on the bed. She looked so small there, so delicate. My mind raced for what I would say to her mom. Somewhere in the darkest corner of my mind I was afraid she was right, like I had taken advantage of a little girl and corrupted her. How could I tell her she was wrong when I didn't even quite believe it?
Seeing Beth, though, lying on the bed, what I had to say for myself didn't seem quite so important. She had finally stopped crying and she stared off into the distance, lying on her side. Even like this she was beautiful, and my heart ached for her. I lay down next to her and stroked the side of her face. She placed her hand on the back of mine, "Daddy, I'm sorry," she muttered.
"Shhh, just rest for now. You're worn out. I told you, you're safe here." I held her for a while. Crazy to think I didn't want to be this close to anyone a month ago. There were a few sniffles, but she had enough of a grip on herself now that she wasn't out of control bawling. My hand moved back to her hair. I could feel the tension in her body start to slack.
