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This story does have sex in it. It is a story about sex and more to the point, about menopause. If a reader is young enough that menopause hasn't impacted their life yet, this can be read as a cautionary tale. For readers who have known a woman who is in peri-menopause or menopause you can thank whatever Gods you believe in that the women you know haven't had it this badly.
This story is fiction, based on what happened in the family next door to us. In this story my wife was Mrs. Clarke. I am a friend of Nick's.
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Menopause creeps up on the relationships it hits. It doesn't hit all of a sudden like an earthquake and leave devastation behind. Everything isn't perfect on Monday and on Tuesday the husband doesn't get a phone call with his wife saying, "Menopause arrived today. Here's what you can live with for the rest of your life."
No, No. It creeps up on both of you. And, in case you weren't already aware that all women are different, it amplifies some of the differences.
My wife showed signs of the arrival when she was fifty-seven. She and all my male friends told me how lucky we were that it took so long to arrive. The first symptoms were new mood swings. Note the word "new". She already had mood swings. In her forties she had mood swings. She would be in the house doing whatever and singing along with the radio. An hour later she was depressed. Shortly after her fifty-seventh birthday the song stopped in the middle of the chorus and she was pissed off for hours!
I was in the habit of calling her on my lunch hour. Sometimes she would answer the phone and I'd speak to an angel. I learned not to trust the angel. Sometimes in the middle of the call the bitch would kill the angel and bite my head off! That was my first hint that menopause had arrived.
Oh, but it was too sneaky to be consistent. After a month or two of mood swings that threatened the lives of family and friends, they stopped! Three months of "the Angel is back!" She was fun to be with, didn't bite, kick, scratch or carry weapons. I was getting happily laid, kissed and invited to play. I started thinking I was back with the woman I married. Then one day I came home from work and my recliner was gone. Foolishly, I asked what happened to it.
"That crappy thing made the whole house look like crap!" She said. She was in the kitchen holding a large knife when she said it. I went to the garage and stayed there until she called me for dinner. At dinner she showed me pictures of what she bought to replace the comfortable recliner. A man's anatomy was not built to sit in that chair. When I didn't express my happiness in just the right way and at the proper speed she had a mood swing. In her past mood swings would usually go up to a five on the emotional Richter Scale. That mood swing hit seven! At the time I thought it was a nine but later on she actually had a nine and I reevaluated the earlier event.
By the time she missed her third period in a row she was emotionally on a rollercoaster. Yes, it was wonderful to not be having periods. Yes, it was terrible because it was a sign that she was old. Yes, it meant we didn't need to worry about getting pregnant. Yes, it was terrible because it meant she could no longer get pregnant. Those conflicting thoughts and feelings caused more mood swings! I know all this because she told me all about it. Often.
I suggested she see a doctor. She said what she was experiencing was normal and taking hormone therapy causes cancer. It was not a discussion. She did not go to the doctor.
After she missed the third period in a row she convinced herself that they were over. She was depressed and touchy. In an attempt to help her get past the depression, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her. She shoved me away and said I was a pig! An insensitive pig!
I backed away and sat in the damned uncomfortable chair. The next day, Monday, I passed by her in the hall and she shot me a look that clearly said, "If you touch me I will cut off your arm!" Then, on Friday I came home from work and she said, "I'm not good enough for you any more, Huh? It's been a week since you've even touched me."
It had been four months since I'd been invited to the "Y" so I went and enjoyed my time there immensely. Amanda is a beautiful woman and when she's "in the mood" sex is incredible! I'm pretty sure we'd tested and enjoyed over fifty different positions on a pretty regular basis and she enjoyed them all. Oral had been a favorite before we started having real sex and she loved it both ways, giving and getting. That night she gave, I gave, she even offered her back door and I accepted. Four months in the desert made both of us thirsty.
The very next day she had her period. I got a call at work telling me it was my fault! If I hadn't "forced myself on her last night" she might not be having a period. That night I learned more about menopause. Someone medical had told women they weren't actually in menopause when they had mood swings and other things. They were in peri-menopause, a term that means "the storm before the storm that just may want you to die." She also informed me that menopause only is there after a woman has missed her periods for a year.
She has never been good at waiting. When she was in college she cursed the last three weeks of every semester. Semesters were too long! When she was pregnant she began urging a premature birth in the sixth month. I've seen her stand in front of the microwave urging it to cook faster! Now some book or some doctor tells her she has to wait a year before she gets somewhere she doesn't want to go! We were both upset. I dared not tell her I was upset about something she wasn't upset about.
At least once every three months I recommended she see a doctor. At least four days after each recommendation I was punished by her for saying she "was sick or worse, crazy."
She was sixty when the year was up. Yes, the symptoms started when she was fifty-seven. Yes, it took her three years to quit having periods for a year. On the day the year was over I made reservations at a nice restaurant. I had been paying attention. I knew the year was up. We were in menopause. I almost died that night.
On our way to dinner she asked, "Why are we going out for dinner?"
"It's been exactly one year since your last period. According to that book that means you're in menopause." I smiled. She burst into tears and demanded I take her home. I did. She went to bed and cried. I was banished to the couch.
I looked at the positive aspects of menopause. She didn't. I saw four nights a month that were available for play. I saw the need for birth control as gone forever. I saw no need for carrying tampax in the glove box of my truck anymore. She cried and moped for four days and slept alone for four nights. When she decided to allow me back in our bed it was a Friday night.
I have always been an optimist. I believed I was being invited back to OUR bed and invited into HER as well. I was wrong. She came to bed in a long flannel nightgown and invited me to snuggle and get her warm. My head and feeble brain heard her say she wanted me to warm her up. I spooned with her and wrapped my loving arms around her for thirty-seven seconds before she pushed me away, threw off the covers and the flannel and dripped sweat as she panted and complained about her damned hot flashes!
For months every time I kissed her, wrapped my arms around her, sat next to her on the couch or in the car she had a hot flash. I tried to put a positive spin on hot flashes. "Honey, you're not having hot flashes, you're having power surges!" The look I got should have melted me where I stood. I apologized.
On her sixty-first birthday I got a present. I didn't want it. I got it anyway. I invited our kids and their families to celebrate with us at a favorite restaurant. I checked before I invited them and Amanda said she would like a party. Each of the families gave her presents. I gave her a present. I remembered some years before when we had talked with our best friends, Mike and Alison, and Amanda said "when the kids are grown I'd like us to go on a romantic cruise". I bought us tickets on a cruise. She acted surprised in the restaurant and I even got a kiss on the cheek in thanks.
On the way home in the truck she asked if the tickets could be sold back. She didn't want to go. I pressed.
"Did I pick the wrong cruise? Would you rather go somewhere else?"
"No. I'd like to go to Mexico, I just don't want to go with you." I was crushed! The rest of the ride home was in silence. When I stopped the truck she got out and quickly went inside our house. I sat in the truck thinking for a long time.
I put the truck in Reverse and backed out of the driveway. I had trouble deciding which way to go, north or south. When I saw another vehicle coming I decided and went north. I drove for an hour aimlessly. I drove around a while longer and found a motel. The guy rented me a room and acted surprised I was alone and that I used a credit card to pay for the room.
I watched an old movie on the TV and eventually slept. When I got up it was daylight. I showered and slowly drove home. It was almost ten in the morning when I walked through the back door. I wondered what the greeting would be like.
Before the door even closed she started, "What the hell was that all about? You didn't even come in the house! Where did you go? Hell of a way to celebrate my birthday! Thanks a lot!" There weren't even pauses between statements and questions for me to respond. So, I didn't.
I walked past her and into the bathroom. I stripped down and took a shower. When I shut off the water she came into the bathroom. "Well?" She asked.