I am in my late forties now. My sex drive seems as high as ever. I am sure some of that is about the youthful energy of my lovers. They always have so much energy when they're only twenty-one years old. Or twenty. Or nineteen -- like my Brady was when I chose him.
My libido will slow down eventually and I wonder how I will see myself once that happens. Because I never wanted to become the woman I am now - driven by my lust. Now I am glad for my choices and so happy with who I am. A cougar, if that's what you want to call me. Or a predator after young cubs, boys who are barely men.
As far as being a cougar is concerned, I've never approved of that term. And I wonder if its accurate in any case. There is a certain thrill in the chase, I suppose. Though it is also risky and stressful. At my age I need to be so careful because my reputation is vital to my business. But its not the thrill of the hunt that makes me want to find these boys. The real excitement and satisfaction comes from having them in my bedroom, being naked with them and uninhibited. I get to share in the excitement of their youth, just as I did when I was their age. Only now thrills are so much greater with a young man in my bed because I am experienced and in control. Perhaps its true that sex is wasted on the young.
I still get nervous about showing my body to a new lover. Even if he is barely a man, young enough to be my son. I'm proud of my natural assets but no woman likes to be judged. Even though I work hard on myself it would be crushing if a new boy suddenly decided he didn't want to have sex with me.
Luckily their youthful lust does some of the work for me. And then I extract their penis, feeling its throbbing power, and they are so willing for me to teach them how to have sex like a true man.
In a way I am only making up for lost time - those wasted years of dreary sex with my unsatisfying ex-husband. So I have wondered why not have more than one? Looking back, there have been times when I've screwed more than one boy in the same week. That has been heavenly. And quite slutty, I suppose. But, for one reason or another, my ideas of having two lovers have never quite come to pass. Its been a quick fling with one young man while waiting for my next date with my regular. And perhaps it was better that way. Less risk of discovery and public shame and fewer worries that one of them will want to be my permanent boyfriend.
That time away from Brady, however, convinced me that I need two regular boys. Its not that I need more of the same boy. I need more young men with their sexual power and the eagerness to please me. I suspect that is what Jill enjoys with always looking for a lover on the side -- the variety and the idea that she can choose what she needs. Perhaps I could be like her with a mid-week lover and the other as my weekend screw. I will gladly keep them both a secret as they each grow and learn to pleasure me in different ways. But I am getting closer to the day when my sexual peak turns into a valley. So I need to act soon.
Matthew will be my new lover. He will be just as thrilling as any of them. I finally progressed beyond admiring him at the gym. At least we know each other's names. And I have started showing him more of my cleavage whenever I am able to work out near to him. Its obvious he enjoys looking at me although I wonder if he realises that I know he is perving. He may not yet understand why I spend so much time looking at him.
He is a little under six feet tall with sandy blonde hair and nice blue eyes. I have noticed that he has quite a lot of hair on his chest and that's very attractive as well. He is a quietly-spoken young man. I like that he has good manners. I also like his determination to improve himself, watching as he works on his wonderful, youthful body. I do not judge Matthew even if I know he will never be as big and muscly as he hopes for. He does have a fabulous body -- eye candy -- with his definition and his hard muscles.
But, after many nice smiles between us, we finally spoke and I had his attention. As always, I had a plan and was proceeding with just the usual caution.
***********************
The next time that Brady came to my bed was very different for us. Actually, it was almost a relief that we could be quieter and gentler after the incredible intensity of our first sharing of anal sex. Its true that Brady is usually content to follow my lead. That's another advantage of young men. I was finally ready to talk and our naked intimacy made it easier.
He had sent me a string of messages since that morning when I finally surrendered to my curiosity. I could tell that he had been excited by it. He also wanted to be caring and to show concern for me. Not enough older men understand why that's important.
I wanted to tell him how it had felt for me. And how much I had enjoyed everything he had done for me that day. My fear of that penetration hurting had been replaced with a curiosity for the ecstasy I had experienced. But I was concerned for him, too. Did he enjoy his first experience of anal sex? Did he find it confronting that me, his older lover, had suggested it? Did he find it disgusting and dirty?
Being honest, I felt somehow different. I felt a little braver. We'd done something that most women avoid and lots of men dream about. I was the same woman and, yet, I still worried that I'd gone too far. Its OK for Jill, I know, but I was wondering if my passion for more and more sexual pleasure was leading me somewhere I could regret. Did Brady think I was a pervert? I was liberated but I had strong doubts about having a man in my bum again.
"Other people do it," I explained to Brady. "I wanted to know why they like it. And you were so good to me. You were so patient. I felt safe and you helped my enjoy it."
"I didn't know what to expect but I wanted to do it because you asked me. It was good you showed me what to do. It feels different but I saw how much you liked it and that made me really excited as well."
"I wish it wasn't so clumsy. But we have tried it now and we know."
We were totally naked and holding each other. My C-cup boobs were pressing against his chest and his fingertips were stroking them softly. I had my arms around his slender, young body holding his bum in my hands. It was pleasant to be intimate in that way.
"It feels great," he went on. "And after a while it was like normal sex. I thought I was gonna shoot in there."
I felt a little aghast at that. A man ejaculating his stuff into my bottom? Oh no, I'd not thought about that and in the moment it was something I was not ready for - at all. Wasn't that too far towards being disgusting?
"You are a good boy for me," I said softly, trying to take my mind from such thoughts. "I am glad it was you."
"And there was no mess or anything. I thought with all that screwing you hard I'd get stuff on me."
He was right. I've read about the problem of "shit on dick". Perhaps we were lucky that first time. I had tried to empty myself in advance but I couldn't be sure. Not that I would have minded but I wouldn't want to make Brady upset or turned-off.
"Anyway," he added breezily. "We will get better once we've done it some more."
I didn't reply. I merely smiled and hugged him closer. Brady had given me some food for thought. In one part of my brain I'd experimented with sodomy and had already decided I'd never try it again. I have to find a limit to my slutty behaviour and that surely means not having anal sex at the drop of a hat. But my sweet boy was telling me that he is expecting more. He wants to thrust his young manhood into my bum again. I don't think I want to disappoint him.
