Joanne's story
My sister and I were always close. Sonja was my big sister and protected me and taught me the ways of the world - at least some of them. Even after we both married, we lived in the same town, shared many friends, and were counselors to each other. We love each other deeply, and that's why the recent events have been so difficult. It's because I love her so much that I secretly fucked her husband Jack.
My name is Joanne. I'm 51 now and Sonja is 54. Jack is 55. So, we're mature suburbanites that have enjoyed a good life. Jack is an executive at a local printing equipment company and Sonja has been teaching literature courses at the county community college for many years. I am a (successful) realtor and really enjoy matching people and their situations with homes in the area. Our mother was an exceptionally beautiful woman, and we daughters were lucky enough to inherit many of her attributes.
My husband, Dwayne, died suddenly three years ago in a car accident, leaving me suddenly alone and lonely after 19 years of marriage. We had enjoyed a very good marriage, emotionally and physically. We kept each other entertained, especially in bed. Unfortunately, we never had children, which made his absence even worse. He left a huge emptiness in my life - and in my bed. It was only through Sonja's and Jack's daily support that I got through the first months after Dwayne's death.
I've learned to live in my new life without hourly and daily reminders of Dwayne's absence. But, I still stroke the sheet on his side of the bed as I fall asleep each night. Yes, the pain diminishes over time, but it never goes away.
Sonja and Jack have one daughter, Lizzy, now completing her masters in Psychology. Too bad I can't talk with her about her parents, and my relationship with them. I could use some outside advice. Maybe someday.
Sonja and I have always been open with each other and our personal lives. She shared in my excitement and anxiety when I had my first period. I got graphic descriptions of her first sexual encounters - and always compared those with my friend's stories. I told her how funny I felt on my second date with Dwayne when he French kissed me and tried to feel my breast. We both agreed he must be special - and must be watched carefully. She was appalled when, only a few weeks later, he took my cherry in the back of his car. At that point she hadn't yet got to third base with anyone.
As adults, we still shared most of our personal lives with each other - most but not all. Our catholic schooling was more firmly imbedded in her psyche than in mine, so she has struggled under the "pleasure is a sin" mentality. Fortunately, I was able to get out from under that and learned that pleasure is pleasure. Because of that difference, I have always been more adventurous in my sex life. Dwayne and I experimented with positions, toys, and moderate BDSM. We were never swingers, but were totally uninhibited with each other.
Sonja, on the other hand, enjoyed sex with Jack, but in only specific forms. Missionary and cowgirl were fine, but from the rear doggie-style was not dignified. Their sex was always love-making - never fucking. At some point, Jack got her to accept cunnilingus, though she thought it was disgusting. But once she experienced having multiple orgasms in one session, she became okay with him going down on her. However, giving oral back to Jack never happened as far as I know. She wouldn't watch porn or consider using sex toys.
I always felt sorry for Jack. She told me about the many times he suggested something new and she usually responded with "OK, go ahead and do that if you want, I'll just lie here and wait till you're done." Jack is smart enough to understand that message. She really does love him and wants to please him. But her own inhibitions have consistently blocked her from experimenting. I guess Jack really loves her since he has lived with a very limited sex life for 22 years now. I have seen no evidence that he has gone elsewhere for more sophisticated sexual satisfaction.
Their loving-but-vanilla sex life would have continued till they died except for Mother Nature's intervention. When Jack was about 52, he started experiencing erectile dysfunction (ED). That's earlier than most men, but not really rare. Sonja told me about it and how badly he felt when he couldn't satisfy her. Of course, she also felt frustrated. He tried Viagra and Cialis and they gave him another couple years of good performance, but then seemed to lose their power.
She told me that he could get hard when they played in the shower together, but would lose it quickly when they got into bed. He still gets "morning wood", often waking with a really hard erection. But it wouldn't last while he tried to wake her and get her in the mood. Given those symptoms, his urologist said that since he was able to physically get hard, there must be some psychological reason for his impotence. That diagnosis is what eventually drove Jack to talk with me.
Dwayne and Jack had always been close extensions of the intimacy between Sonja and me. We've all known each other for over 20 years and have seen the best and worst of each of us. He could correctly assume that Sonja and I had discussed his ED problem, so he needn't be embarrassed to discuss it with me. But I didn't expect the conversation that ensued.
After dinner one Sunday, while Sonja was doing the dishes, Jack asked if he and I could have a confidential talk without Sonja. I was surprised, but agreed - the first time I would ever keep such a secret from my sister.
He asked to come over and talk with me at my house sometime that week. We agreed on Tuesday afternoon since my schedule is very flexible and he could leave work without having to explain anything to Sonja. I was uneasy about the idea of hiding something from her, but knew that Jack must have a good reason to ask for it.
When he arrived on Tuesday, he immediately asked for a drink. It was clear that he was anxious and needed some additional courage to speak with me. I just sat and waited for him to open the conversation.
"Joanne, this is very hard for me," he began, "I know you and Sonja share just about everything and I hope that you can help me with a difficult problem with her. It will be very hard for you, but I ask that you promise me that you will not share this conversation with her."
That got my attention and concern. I struggled to reply. "I can certainly keep a secret from her if I believe it won't hurt her. But if it's something that will cause her pain, then I can't make that promise."
He considered that and replied, "I understand. I guess I have no other choice but to trust your judgement. I hope you will see that this will be helpful to her and not harm her."
He drew a long breath and said, "I assume she has told you about my ED problem and how our sex life has effectively ended. That is a great frustration for both of us. I can still pleasure her with my tongue, but everything else either doesn't work or she is unwilling to try. It was very difficult for me to face this limitation of my body. I was starting to accept it when my doctor said the largest part of the problem is probably psychological, not physical. That gave me hope that I could somehow beat it."
"In the past few months I have tried to understand what psychological factors were the cause and how I might overcome them. I didn't tell Sonja, but I have been seeing a therapist once a week for months. Through our discussions, we have come to realize that at my age and in my condition, I needed more stimulation before I can become fully aroused, both mentally and physically."
