*Author's Note: I received a very warm email quite some time ago from a reader who said she loves reading my May-December romance stories primarily because she's an 'older' woman who married a much-younger man. After contacting her and discussing it, she gave me permission to provide their ages and how they met as well as some other basic personal information. She's 44 and he's 27. She sent two different photos, and I will tell you she is a really attractive woman while he is a very good-looking guy.
But what caught my attention was when she told me how they met. She was a devoutly religious woman who was struggling with many personal doubts, and in particular, about 'answered prayer' and what is called 'the hiddenness of God' or why God, if He exists, goes to such lengths to avoid being 'seen'.
Her younger husband, whom she knew as a boy, came back to her hometown after a lengthy absence with a daughter in tow. Like her, he had been a member of the same church and had even gone to a Christian college. But as a result of searching for answers to his own questions, he, in her words, 'abandoned faith for reason' and after many long discussions, she, too, arrived at the same conclusion.
Somewhere along the way they fell in love, got married, and she was able to adopt the daughter she'd always wanted but never had.
As with my recent story, Randi, which wasn't about politics, this is not about religion, and it is most definitely not 'preaching'. It's a love story based on real-life events; events that can't be told without explaining some of the issues this beautiful, older woman dealt with.
I hope to be able to accurately represent what happened without offending too many people who are themselves believers. If that happens, it isn't my intent. But I can assure you she is not alone by any stretch when it comes to having a crisis of faith or the loss thereof.
This is their story. It's been in the works for well over a year, and I finally got around to finishing it. I hope you find it enjoyable.
To 'Ryan' and 'Bryce', all the best and...keep the faith!
*****
"Come in, come in! Oh, my goodness! What a pleasant surprise!" she told him.
"It's really good to see you again," he replied with a nervous smile.
"And who is this precious little bundle of joy?" she asked.
The little girl clung to her daddy's leg as the sweet, older woman knelt down and smiled at her.
"She's very shy," her father said. "Her name is Annabelle."
"Can you tell me how old you are, Miss Annabelle?"
The little girl buried her face in her daddy's jeans as he answered for his daughter.
"As I said on the phone, she just turned four. I can't tell you how grateful I am for you agreeing to watch her for me."
"Oh, no, I'm the one who's grateful. I love watching children, but, as I mentioned during our brief conversation, I also need the income so...thank you."
"I'm really sorry to learn about the divorce," he told her.
"Me, too," she said trying not to let the sadness show. "The divorce just became final last week, and I'm still trying to adjust to being single."
She forced a smile then said, "Okay. Let's go over the paperwork and you'll be able to drop her off with me starting tomorrow morning. And it's really good to see you again, too."
He was Bryce Kincaid, and she was Ryan Tanner, the former wife of a man he once thought of as a kind of mentor from when he was very involved with the First Baptist Church in Renton, Washington, the town where he'd spent several of his teen years.
She'd been the most attractive woman he'd ever seen in person, and now, twelve years later, he thought she was still strikingly beautiful. Ryan was a natural strawberry blonde with just the slightest hint of red in her otherwise blonde hair. It had been shoulder length when he knew her, but she now wore it a halfway between her chin and shoulders which looked perfect for her age and the shape of her face. She could definitely still pull off long or even very-long hair, but the way she styled it now, with just a slight under-turn at the bottom and parted on the side, looked very nice on her.
He also clearly remembered those bright, blue eyes, and the very pretty face that surrounded them. He made it a point to try not to stare, but as he glanced at her every so often, he could barely see the slightest hint of any fine lines around the corners of her eyes or mouth. And yes, she was still very fit and athletic looking, just as he'd remembered her.
He never knew her exact age, but she had to be at least 35 by now or so he assumed. He had no way of knowing she almost 45, and judging by the way she looked, he certainly couldn't tell. Then again, he didn't much care how old she was. It was just so nice to see her again. Beyond that, she'd agreed to care for his daughter, and that made their reunion even more enjoyable.
"So you were what? Maybe thirteen when your family moved here?" she asked as she handed him a folder with the necessary forms.
"Yes. Thirteen. And at the time, I was so angry at my dad for moving us I barely spoke to him for a month. I'd lived in Spokane all my life, and moving anywhere else seemed like the end of the world to me. I thought I'd never make new friends and that my life was over."
Ryan laughed politely then said, "I had a similar experience when I was fourteen when my parents moved us here. I'd just started high school and had never lived anywhere but Salem, Oregon, then suddenly I found myself in a new town, a new house, and feeling like my life was over."
"But we do make new friends and life doesn't end," Bryce offered.
"Yes. That's very true. But at that age, it often seems like the end of the world."
"Well, the world, at least as we knew it, did end in some sense, I suppose. But no, our lives didn't, and we made new friends and sometimes, even something wonderful happens to us. I found that out when we moved again three years later. It was even harder than the previous move, but having a father in the military means moving around. Looking back, I guess we were pretty lucky to have only moved three times in the 22 years he was in the Air Force."
Ryan nodded then said, "From what I hear, three moves isn't bad when many families move four, five, or even more times in that same timespan. For me, the move is one thing that I believe the Lord used to draw me to Him. I was sad, depressed, and searching for answers, and that's when someone stopped by the house and gave me a gospel tract and invited me to attend church with them."
Bryce didn't say anything in response. He just smiled and let her speak. As she did, he looked at his daughter and understood exactly what she meant in terms of wanting and needing friends and the love and stability they bring. With the possible exception of his late wife, Annabelle was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and while he could no longer believe in anything beyond coincidence, he was still grateful his parents had moved when and where they did, or he'd have never met her mother nor would they have had a child together.
Ryan had always wanted a child for the entire time she'd been married, but it just wasn't in the Lord's plans for reasons known only to Him. Evidently, neither was staying married 'until death do us part' in spite of her best efforts and hopes to the contrary.
Ryan had always 'trusted in the Lord and leaned not unto her own understanding', but the inability to have a child had been the most difficult test of her faith in her life. At least until she learned of her husband's infidelity with a married woman from their church; a woman who'd been her best friend for the past five years and one she'd trusted and loved like her own sister.
Ryan wasn't a vain woman, but she knew her husband's lover wasn't nearly as attractive as she was, so the affair made even less sense to her as she carefully examined her life and their relationship to see what she might have done to drive him to do something so hurtful. After a thousand such self-examinations, she still had no idea why it had happened. The only thing she knew for sure was that it had. The closest thing she could find to an explanation was that the other woman was seven years younger than her and therefore ten years younger than her husband.
Even so, it still baffled her, and lately she'd given up trying to figure it out. She comforted herself by often repeating the verse, "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord." She would just have to wait patiently for Him to show her the good in all this even though, for now at least, she could find nothing good in it at all.
Ryan smiled pleasantly then told Bryce as he sat next to her filling out the forms, "You were always so mature for your age, and now you sound like a wise philosopher or something."
"I hardly think that's the case, but I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of growing up these last twelve years or so."
He smiled then said, "Having a child will do that to you."
Ryan didn't take his comment personally. She'd never mentioned to him how much she longed to have a child. Then again, he was only sixteen when he left, and that wasn't something she'd share with anyone that young. In fact, the only other person she'd ever told, other than her soon-to-be ex-husband, was her mother who'd passed away two years ago after a long battle with breast cancer.
Between the affair and her inability to conceive, her faith had been sorely tested, and in her heart of hearts she couldn't help but wonder why the God who loved her so dearly would allow her to suffer so much heartache. Again, she consoled herself with scripture by repeating, "God will never allow us to be tempted above that which we are able to bear."
It helped, but it certainly didn't make the her problems go away. And as she mentally 'arm wrestled' with herself over these growing doubts, she realized many, many people had had to deal with far more and much worse things than her 'trivial' little problems. Yet knowing that did precious little to help her resolve the growing disconnect she felt between the reality she experienced and the one the Bible and her pastor assured her was true.
Ryan found herself asking many times why that book told her, "If ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do it" when she'd asked for so many things that hadn't been done. She knew all the standard answers by heart like: 'you have to ask in faith with a pure heart', or 'maybe God just hasn't answered your prayers...yet', or how 'His ways are higher than our ways and we can't understand everything in this life'. Why then did those standard answers now sound more like platitudes or justifications than actual answers?
She'd asked these things dozens of times and had no better answer now than on previous occasions and once again did her best to try and let it go. And yet...the doubts wouldn't let her go. In fact, they were growing louder and stronger by the day in spite of her fervent pleas for more faith.
As she sat there watching him check boxes and sign forms, she realized he'd grown up to be even more handsome than she thought he might be, and she'd always assumed he'd be very good looking. As a boy, he had those amazing eyes that looked almost...female...and yet were so very beautiful on a man's face. His hair was thick and dark and his smile was as perfect as she'd remembered it. And he was also tall and fit and, well, very attractive.
