"Have you screwed my Mum yet?"
"WHAT"
That "What" could have been followed by a row of asterisks, exclamation marks and various other punctuation marks, not to mention a selection of emojis, but the reader with normal sensitivities won't need them to imagine what the reaction would be from a man, laying beside his lover in post-coital bliss, if she posed that question. So how had Frank got to his current situation?
Frank Shipley was in his early twenties, an electronics engineer who had completed his first degree with first class honours and was now involved in a research project as he studied for a masters degree. When he had arrived at his new university he had been searching for accommodation and the lady who helped in the process had made a couple of phone calls and had made appointments for him to visit potential lodgings. The first that he had visited had been far from what he was searching, comprising a slightly grubby bedsit, one of several in an old house, run by a gentleman whose attitude made it clear that he could not expect anything other than the most basic of amenities.
The next was a very different proposition. He was viewing a pleasant detached house in a quiet part of the city, which had the advantage of being only a short walk from the university campus. When he rang the bell it was answered by a pleasant looking, middle aged woman, who looked at him enquiringly.
"Hello, what can I do for you?"
"Oh, I've been sent by the university about the room you have for let."
"Hang on, you're a man!"
"Well, yes, last time I checked I seemed to have predominantly male componentry."
"Sorry, I was expecting a young woman named Frances."
"Slight error, I'm Francis, generally known as Frank. Never mind, I'm not planning a sex change in the next few minutes, so I'll leave you in peace."
"No, sorry, I've been very rude. Come on in and have a cup of something while I phone the university and sort this out."
He followed her into the house where she offered him the choice of tea, coffee, beer or wine. He settled for tea, guessing correctly that choosing an alcoholic drink that early in the day would not win him any brownie points. She made the tea, then phoned the university which confirmed the misunderstanding and confirmed that Frank was a bona fide student searching lodgings and that they did not have any girls currently on their list.
"Look Francis generally known as Frank, I've not been taking in lodgers for long and, up to now, I've not been impressed with the two girls who have stayed here, so perhaps a man might not be such a bad idea. Are you reasonably house trained? Both girls seemed to live in a permanent pigsty, both in their own room and in my kitchen, which was not very pleasing."
"My mum cured me of being untidy. She came into my room while I was at school one day and every item of clothing that was on the floor she nailed down. I wasn't best pleased, but ever since then I've been meticulous about putting things away."
"I wish I'd thought of that with my daughter Louise. Anyway, come and have a look at what's on offer and we can both decide if it's right for us both. By the way, you know my name is Wright but I answer to Jane."
She showed him upstairs to the bedroom, which was big and had a TV and HiFi plus plenty of space for studying. It had attached a shower room and a small room with basic cooking facilities, a microwave and a hotplate. She explained that it had been intended to be used as a granny flat by her husband's mother, but she had died before she moved in.
"It's fabulous, but can I afford it?"
"Look, I'm only doing this because I'm lonely since my husband died, and I like to have someone else around the place. Not only that, but I love cooking and it's no fun without someone to cook for as well as myself."
She quoted him a ridiculously low price including meals and laundry, and he took about five seconds to decide to accept, and next day he moved in.
Over the next few months Frank realised how well he had fallen on his feet. Jane was the ideal landlady, more like a mother to him. Her cooking was to die for, and, as he was quite a competent cook himself, they spent quite a lot of time together in the kitchen. She liked throwing dinner parties for her friends and he would help her prepare the food and act as waiter for her. Although he had every facility he needed in his room, he spent most evenings downstairs in her company as, happily, they shared similar tastes in music and entertainment.
Then suddenly everything changed. He had been away for a few days on a visit to another research centre and, when he let himself into the house his usual cry of "I'm home, Jane" was answered by the appearance of a young woman. Not just any young woman, this one was a bit special.
