I partied with abandon the rest of the night. I thought about fucking my old friend, Grant, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Peter's angry face kept popping into my mind and his words sliced through my inebriation with the surety of a surgeon. This was not something that I wanted to think about so I tried my best to erase it. It didn't work. I woke up the next morning with an upset stomach and a headache that felt like someone was ramming an ice pick into my forehead. Vomiting eased my gut but I couldn't keep the Advil down long enough to work on my head so I just lay silently, hoping that it would go away.
Jessie made that impossible. Since I was sleeping with her, she threw her arm around me like a lover and breathed in my ear, making me laugh. She woke up and stared at me with bleary eyes. "What the hell are you laughing at?"
"You're breathing in my ear." I eased myself from under her arm and sat up, wincing at the insistent pain in my head.
"Sorry." She climbed out, hit the bathroom, then came back, sitting on the edge of the bed. "So what are you gonna do today?"
"I don't know." I stretched and slowly stood up. "I guess I'll go to school and visit my old teachers."
"One in particular?" When I didn't respond, she touched my knee. "What happened between you and Peter anyway? I know you were lovers ... "
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Well, that's a first. I thought I was your best friend."
"You are, Jess. It's just ... " I had to swallow several times to keep from crying. "It hurts too much."
"I heard a rumor ... " Our eyes met. "If what I say is true, don't say anything." I looked away, blinking furiously but unable to stop the sudden tears. "I heard that you got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby but your mother made you have an abortion and that that was the real reason you moved away, not because your dad got a promotion." Tears rolled down the spine of my nose and dripped onto my sweats. "Is that why Peter left so angrily last night?" Again, I was silent and she reached across and gave me a hug. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't." I whispered. "It hurt too much."
"Sounds like it still hurts."
I nodded, swallowing again. "It never goes away."