This continues on from previous LDDF episodes. To fully understand the context, you are advised to read the earlier episodes, but for those who do not wish to, all you have to know is that our main character, an outgoing 20 year-old man, has come across a list of 44 names, on a mysterious website called "Les Désirs des Femmes." - the names of 44 women who have desired him in the past or present. Without the list, he would never have known about these women and their desires, and the women do not know that he has knowledge of their desires for him. This series of stories offers us a front-row seat as he knocks on a few of the 44 doors...
# # #
After a perfect hour with Anne, it was around two weeks until I got back to the 'Désirs' list, mostly because I had college coursework to complete, and I wanted the A-grade I felt I was good for, so I put in the same decent efforts as ever before. I even think there were days in those two weeks when the 'Désirs' list did not even cross my mind. That may give you some idea of how dedicated I can be with my studies (this time on how the men and women of the Goldrushes 1845-70 dealt with harsh conditions and other hazards). But I was studying something I was fascinated by, and there is a lesson in there somewhere. But, work hard, play hard, and all that.
Of course there were Ladies of Pleasure around the Goldrush years, drawn to the many opportunities on offer in Alaska or California, and my reading on this, even if most of it was far from erotic, did actually lead me back to Les Désirs...
After I had sent in my coursework I poured a larger than usual glass of chilled Disznókő Tokaj Aszú wine (5 puttonyos, 2017, gifted to me by my uncle in Hungary if you need to know) and I sat down at my laptop to get back to the list of women who had ever desired me.
I had now had adventures with three women from the list - incredibly, memorably and deliciously erotic adventures; one with the beautiful woman who ran my local bookstore, one with an Austrian lady who now lived in Chelsea (and for whom leather was more than just leather, and who took me upstairs very happily), and most recently with Anne, my mega-crush from my teenage years, whose orgasm I had relished more than any other, ever.
Of course none of them had needed much persuasion to let me kiss their bodies and take them to planet "O" - the LDDF list had given me the green light, and, naughtily, even unfairly, I had made full use of my chances.
Affectionately, I pushed my cat, Plonker, off my writing table and clicked the Désirs list up on my laptop. Should I go and see what was up with the English teacher, Mrs Edgerton, from my old school, who was right there fifth from the top on my list? I sat for a while and just thought...
No.
Firstly, she might have desires for me, but I remember her as an introverted, almost pigeon-like person with a slightly 'I've given up' sense of style and one of those haircuts you could just as well imagine on a man. And secondly, there is something a bit too everyday-ish about stories about older school Ma'ams seducing or being seduced by their 'student studs'. Simply, I am not going to add to this litany, ...and I had mostly passion-killer memories of Mrs. Joyce Edgerton.
Missus
. Joyce. Edgerton.
As married as you can be, no doubt, to a husband whose idea of a great evening would probably be a small sherry to accompany both sides of a scratchy gramophone record by Aker Bilk, then the news at 9 and finishing with - no, I don't need to imagine any more.
I know I am being harsh and judgemental, but that's what you get from me right now. So, I looked down the list for something which had a whiff of proper adventure about it, if that could possibly be discerned better from Name A rather than Name B. Sure, it was going to be lucky-dip, again. And lucky - it was.
I nearly spat a mouthful of wine out as my eyes got down to the name 'Dawn French.' My laughter was loud and genuine. This cannot, CANNOT, be
the
Dawn French. No-no-no-no... That could be a common enough name in this country, couldn't it? We all adore the on-screen Vicar of Dibley Dawn French, and I am delighted to say that IMHO, the on-screen Dawn French is endlessly sexy, with her all-woman, honest lust for life, her massively kissable lips, sparkly eyes and cheeky-flirty vulnerability, alongside intelligent woman-of-the-worldliness. And in interviews, the real Dawn is equally sexy, with a touch of West Country in her silky accent, her cheery positivity and occasional bedroom eyes and semi-shocking outbursts. Hilarious... and hot!
But no. Surely not on my list.
And now my curiosity was too well piqued, I just have to meet
this
Dawn French. How does she know me? Did we have any meaningful contact in the past? or was it 15 seconds' wordless proximity at the ATM? Is she older? Much older? Please, not younger....
Time to find out. I clicked on the purple asterisk to the right of her name and got a new phone number. Dawn French's phone number... I grinned again. Today is turning into a day of not-quite showbiz surprises. Yes, I would love to get very naughty with the real Dawn French, but a local and hopefully very sensual Dawn French is my target now. I will put the Vicar of Dibley out of my mind and see if
my
Dawn French still fancies me.
I have always advocated avoiding over-thinking and what-iffing with yourself. I say: Just do it! So I keyed the phone number into my phone and heard the ringtone immediately.
"Hi, this is Dawn," a very welcoming voice came over loud and clear.
Waaahh! Hooo! Haaa! How do I play this? What to say to a woman who could be anyone at all from my past or present life? I had to pull myself together quickly.
"Hi Dawn," I said, slowly, playing for time just a little. "This may come as a surprise to you as we may not - "
But she cut in immediately, and how glad I was that she did:
"I know that voice! Ha-HaaaAAHH! What the Holy Fuck!? Why are you calling me? How? What? How do you know my number? Christ, this is too brilliant!"
Reader, it took a bit of white-lying and BS-ing from me to explain to her that, very simply, we had to meet, without telling her anything about her name being on my Les Désirs des Femmes list, and, very happily, she agreed to meet. And very encouragingly, she said we should meet "...totally, bloody as soon as flippin' possible..." at her workplace.
The Seven Dragons.
The Seven Dragons... Massage Parlour!
The Seven Dragons massage parlour right here in town, where I had gone for a massage only a few months before. One hour, traditional Thai. It had been really good; tough, but good - but the masseuse had not been called Dawn.
So hang on a minute... What is
my
Dawn French doing - calling the Seven Dragons her workplace?
Time to find out about that too. I grinned again, took the quickest shower of the week, grabbed my denim jacket, added a dab of after-shave, and left the house.
It turned out she knew my voice as I had sat not far from her for a few minutes back in March, telling my best mate Carl about wallpapering, of all the unsexy topics, over the phone, while she was cheerfully eavesdropping whilst manning the massage parlour's reception desk.
But here comes the best, best, best news.
Not only did she seem very pleased to see me when I arrived at the Seven Dragons, even holding my hand as she took me through again to the waiting lounge, with a broad grin on her face... but she was simply drop-dead gorgeous!
Firstly, she had the kind of lustrous black hair, up in a bun, which just says 'Let me down and see how amazing well cut and well kept hair can look, and feel!' And her smile was heavenly. She told me the last massage guests of the day had left not long ago and sat down beside me, and her story began.
She was in her thirties (but looked late twenties) and was half Thai, half Welsh - and there can't be thousands of those - and that Dawn was her middle name, her first being a tricky Thai name she had never used at all. Lived round here all her life. And she looked fantastic - light make-up around the prettiest, friendly eyes I had ever seen (how had I not registered her from our first encounter in March? How!?) and with a good, athletic body including the kind of legs I just love - bronzed, sporty, long, strong but feminine, visible now, as her 'horribly clichéd' shimmering, burgundy Thai smock, only came down to mid thigh as she sat beside me on the couch. This was getting better and better.
I was dumbstruck. This Miss French put the X back into 'far too sexy'. I even got tongue-tied answering her questions about why, earlier, I had not called about coming for a massage, as everybody else does who calls that number. Her accent was lovely and local too, and almost as soft as a whisper.
We got to the point where we just sat staring at each other with silly grins on our faces.
"You've been cheeky and bold, coming down here at a minute's notice," she said, "And looking at you and that look in your eye, I will now make a bold assumption..." and she stood up and beckoned me to the other side of the room.
"Right now you're the only 'client' on the premises, so strip off and put these on, lie down ont he massage bed in that room, and your personal massage will begin very shortly..."
The loose white shorts she handed to me felt tissue-thin and had quite a lovely strong exotic aroma to match the fantastic aromas in the darkened room I entered.
Light, slow gamelan or glockenspiel music echoed in the background as I stretched out on my front and took in the details of the dark, arching whicker-work wall before me, in flickering candle light.