They sat in their dressing gowns eating toast at the little table in his kitchenette. The thought flashed through Lens' mind that it was the first time anyone had sat opposite him here since he had moved in, and her company felt pleasantly strange. It felt right.
They talked about a lot of things, just chatting about easy stuff and tip-toeing carefully around what both knew needed to be said.
Len was nervous and tried hard not to show it but he couldn't sit still for long and was up and down to get a spoon, or something from the fridge, or some more water for the teapot, anything to distract him from having to discuss last night or any of its implications.
He wanted to, he wanted to ask her how she felt about the two of them, where she thought it might be going, how would she feel about them becoming a couple, but he was afraid of what he might hear. He knew she had implied taking things further last night but had that been the heat of the moment speaking and did she still feel the same now?
Underlying this even more was his fear of how she might react to his relationship with Albert. Now more that ever he wanted to be with her but the fear of how she might feel if -- or rather when -- she found out was an ever growing spectre hanging over him.
He was suddenly aware of a break in the conversation and he inwardly cursed himself for not having followed it more carefully. He looked at her and saw a wariness in her eyes that hadn't been there a few minutes ago.
'Len......is something bothering you?'
He started. How did she know?
'You've been very distracted since we sat down.' She paused. 'Is it us? Have I gone too far too fast?'
Her hand came across the table to rest on his and her soft touch started him crumbling inside. If he was ever going to hope for a future with this wonderful woman he had to tell her now. If she was horrified by his revelation it was better it ended here rather than later and besides he didn't feel he would be able to carry his secret for much longer.
He looked at her and saw the concern in her eyes and knew at once that she wanted the same as him, to be together.
'Was last night it?' she asked quietly, 'Was that all of it?'
His eyes widened. She thought he had just wanted the sex.
'NO,' he said earnestly almost shouting, 'no!'
He took her hand and held it tight.
'No.......nothing like that.' He paused and looked at her intently. He went on.
'I would like to hope there a chance for us to be together .....but I don't know how you feel.'
He just looked at her.
'Am I pushing you too hard Masie?' he asked softly.
He could see her relax and a little smile came to her lips. She shook her head slowly.
'No you're not pushing me hard. If I'm honest it is me who has been the more demanding since we started.......well, you know.'
Her cheeks started to colour as she spoke and it was obvious that there was a time and a place to be forthright about desires and needs but this wasn't it.
'You are a very kind and attentive man and I would love to be with you as my companion and lover......but only if that's what you want as well.'
'Oh Masie,' he said hesitantly and took a deep breath. 'I've always believed that being upfront with people was best and before you say any more there is something I have to tell you.'
He saw the fear begin to creep back into her eyes again and her hand retreated back across the small table. He sought to reassure her but with the realisation that it might just be letting her down a little more gently than otherwise.
'I want to be with you in every way but you need to know something right from the start.'
The solemnity of her face told him she was expecting to be told it wasn't a possibility. He reached across to her but she sat back in the seat, her hand out of reach.
He told her about Albert. He didn't fill in all the details, he didn't want to distress her any more than was necessary, but he omitted nothing that was relevant to her understanding what had happened. His dialogue was faltering at times and he looked pleadingly at her for some sort of reaction either condemnation or encouragement from time to time but there was none.
She was not making it easy for him but he thought it was probably no more than he deserved. They had spent a glorious night together and here he was blowing it all to pieces with his sordid little tale.
When he finished he just sat and looked at her forlornly.
'I'm sorry I had to tell you all this Masie,' he said softly, 'and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to have anything more to do with me. But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you and I am so so sorry that it ever happened.'
She sat in silence for a while shaking her head and Len could visualise her walking out and not speaking to her again.
'I don't believe it.' She said softly, almost as if to herself.
'I'm so sorry Masie but it is the truth and I had to tell you now before......'
Her light laugh stopped him dead.
'No I didn't mean it like that.' She smiled at him. 'I believe everything you said.'
She lent forward again and took his hand.
'It must have taken a great deal of courage to tell me that and I admire you for it.' She paused and smiled at him. 'What I can't believe is how alike you and Freddy are....or is that were? I don't know. It doesn't matter.'
Her tone and manner were so different to a few seconds ago he could only sit and look at her in amazement. And with renewed hope.
'You're amazed that I'm not storming out of here aren't you.'
He nodded.
'Well I'm not and I'll tell you why.'
She stopped and looked down at the crumbs on her plate obviously collecting her thoughts.
'I've told you a little of my marriage and how I took a lot of trouble to make sure Freddy only wanted me and it worked. We were inseparable lovers and he never had eyes for anyone else and neither did I. I was happy, very happy.'
She paused and arranged the crumbs with her finger.
'Then one night just after we had finished making love he came out with something that shook me to the core. He told me that he had been seeing someone else - another man. When I asked him what he meant he told me that they had 'made love' on several occasions and when pressed he told me everything.'
The crumbs were being rearranged on the other side of the plate now. She looked up at him.
'Len my world fell apart.' she said simply.
His heart lurched and he wanted to reach out and hold her and comfort her like he had earlier but caution made him wait.
'I didn't know what to do,' she went on, 'I had no one I could turn to or talk to and even if I had, in those days it was not as acceptable as it is now so I wouldn't have been able to say anything anyway. I felt wretched and blamed myself for not being enough for him. I had let him down and caused him to do it.'
She laughed almost sadly.
