Learning About Love And Sex

I sat curled in the lounge chair and stared out over the back lawn. I had been crying for over an hour and my eyes were puffy, my cheeks were tear crusted and I didn't feel any better about it. "It" was the fact that my now ex-boyfriend and I had sex that afternoon and I had realized he was a selfish asshole and didn't love me.

Darrin and I had been dating for a year. I thought he loved me and I him. I had saved myself for my true love and I really thought it was him. My parents were pretty conservative and didn't believe in sex before marriage. Even dating was an ordeal. They let me date at 16, but those dates consisted of movies with my parents in attendance as chaperones, or the guy coming to my house so they could keep an eye on us. I didn't agree with their idea of not being alone with a guy, but I did decide I wanted to wait until I met the guy I loved to have sex. I wasn't allowed to be alone with a guy until I was 18. Even then I had to throw a fit before they let me go out with Darrin without them.

Darrin and I did a lot of making out right from the beginning. I think I was trying to make up for lost time, or decide if I loved Darrin. After three months I let him play with my bare breasts. I have to admit it felt very good when he sucked my nipples. A few dates after that I jacked him off. It made me very wet and I just knew I loved him and I was ready to have sex with him.

Three dates after that I got brave and let him finger me as I sucked him for the first time. All my friends at school said that oral isn't really sex, so I decided it was ok to do. When he came in my mouth, at first I was horrified, then as I realized the taste made me extremely wet and made my pussy tingle I began to like it. I wanted him to keep fingering me until I had a climax but he said he was ready to go home. I should have know right then how selfish he was.

The next time we did that I made sure I sucked him very slowly as he fingered me until I had an orgasm. I wasn't a stranger to climaxes. Even though I wanted to wait to have sex I did masturbate several times a week. After I climaxed I continued sucking him until he came in my mouth. From then on each time he came in my mouth I found I liked it even better.

On the fateful day he picked me up for an afternoon movie. At least my parents thought so but we were really going to his house because his parents were gone for the day. I told him on the way there I was ready to have sex with him. When we arrived we went in and straight to his bedroom. He pulled off his clothes and jumped onto the bed. I did to, but a lot more slowly because even with what we had been doing I hadn't ever been totally naked in front of him, or anyone for that matter.

When I was undressed I hugged my breasts and quickly got onto the bed. I had just settled onto my back when I felt Darrin slide between my legs. I thought we would kiss and make out for a bit to get started, but a few seconds later, without a thought for me he quickly shoved his cock into me. I arched my back and cried out from the pain, but he didn't seem to notice and was already sliding in and out of my pain filled vagina.

"Oh God it hurts! Stop for a minute Darrin!" I cried.

He said nothing but kept right on slamming into me. I tried to get away from him but he held me down and kept right on doing it to me. It didn't take him long, maybe two minutes and I felt him push forward and groan as he came. I was prepared for that and was on birth control, so getting pregnant wasn't a concern, but I was totally stunned by his disregard about hurting me.

"Please! That still hurts!" I screamed again trying to get away from him.

He held me down as I felt his cock throb, emptying his cum inside me. When he was done he sighed and rolled off me.

"Why did you do that?" I sobbed, "It hurt and you wouldn't stop. Why didn't you stop?!"

Darrin grinned as he put his hands behind his head and said snidely, "It only hurts like that once and I knew you'd get over it. Besides I wanted to cum in you."

I stared at him horrified at what he had just said.

"Darrin, I thought you loved me," I whispered.

"Oh come on, all guys say that." He replied rolling up on his elbow as he reached over and cupped my breast, "As long as you give me pussy I'll tell you I love you."

I stared at him unable or not wanting to absorb what he had said.

"You mean...all you wanted out of me was sex?" I said in a shocked whisper.

"Well sure. Isn't that what every guy wants?"

"But...you...said you loved me." I choked out.

"Every guy will tell you that to get some pussy." He said with a laugh.

I sat there as his words sunk into my brain. I wanted to scream, claw him, slap him, hurt him the way he had me. But instead I slid off the bed and began to get dressed.

"Where you going? Let's do it again." He said as he took my arm and tried to pull me back on the bed.

I pulled his hand off my arm and said as I finished dressing, "Don't ever call me again."

"What did I do?" He asked, clueless.

I didn't answer. I walked out and called a taxi. When I got home I showered to get the stench of him off me, then went out to the back yard and sat crying. So here I sit staring off into the distance.

As I sat there sunk in misery I heard a male voice say, "Hey Ellen."

I looked up to see my neighbor Logan looking over the fence at me.

"You ok? You look like you've lost your last friend."

I liked Logan. At 45 he was older than my dad but didn't act or talk like it. He was funny and had given me good advice from time to time in the past so before I could stop I was telling him about Darrin and me.

Logan listened without comment until I finished then said, "El I am so sorry. You got taken in by a user. The thing you need to do now is get over the asshole and get on with your life."

"How can I?" I asked a tear running down my cheek.

Logan stared at me for a long moment without answering, then walked to the gate in the fence between our two yards and stepped through.

He walked over to me, took my arm, and said, "Come on, I'm going to show you how."

I stood and followed him as he led me back to his yard and out to a small building at the back of his property. When we stepped in I found we were in a small gym. There was a speed bag in one corner, a weight bench in another and a heavy bag hung from the ceiling. Logan grabbed a pair of gloves, took my hands, and before I was aware of it had them on me.

"Now," He said as he led me to the heavy bag, "right here," he pointed to a spot on the bag, "is his face. Here is his gut and here are his balls. I want to see you tell him how you feel, then give him an ass whooping."

I stared at the bag and tried to imagine Darrin's face there as I said, "You took my virginity. You took my love and all you wanted was sex. Bastard!"

I heard Logan snarl, "Now HIT HIM!"

I lashed out and hit the bag.

"Again!" I heard Logan's voice command.

I hit the bag again as hard as I could. Then again and again until I was spent. I stood my chest heaving as I gasped for air.

"So how does that feel?" He asked.

I straightened up and as I realized I did feel better.

"A lot better," I replied.

"Good." Logan said with a grin, "You can come over here any time you want and use this place. It's my therapy and it looks like it's good for you too."

I walked to the weight bench and sat down.

"I feel better, but that bastard took the gift I wanted to share with my true love. He told me he loved me. He lied to get me into bed."

"I told you El, you got caught by a user. He would do anything, say anything to get what he wanted."

"He said all guys are like that. Are they?" I asked, the sadness starting to leak back into me.

"No, all guys are not that way. Like I told you, he will say anything, do anything to get what he wants. And while we're discussing it, your virginity was not a gift. It was a curse, one you are rid of."

"A curse?" I asked incredulously, "How can you say that!"

Logan smiled and said, "When you find the guy you love, would you rather be an inexperienced woman who knows nothing about sex, or would you rather be able to sexually satisfy your lover?"

I thought about what he had just said and realized I probably would want the second option.

"You mean most guys don't want a virgin?"

Logan laughed and said, "Only those who are self-centered, self-righteous assholes. And they are never, ever very good lovers or sex partners. What most guys want is a woman who will sexually satisfy them, be the fantasy lover they've always dreamed about."

I thought about what he said and for some reason, it actually made a bit of sense.

"So how does one go about being sexually experienced?" I asked.

Deep in my brain I already knew what he was going to say, but it was against everything I had believed up to that point so I ignored it.

"Like anything else," he said with a grin, "practice."

"You mean," I said starting to get angry at the thought of what he was telling me, "I need to have sex? But I have to love who I have sex with, so how do I do that before I have sex with my true love? It doesn't make sense!"

"El, you don't have to love everyone you have sex with. Hell you don't even have to like them. I would recommend you at least have that, like them that is. All you have to do is let go and enjoy sex for sex sake. Allow it to be what it is, a very enjoyable physical thing."

"That's...that's perverted!" I yelled.

"Whoa girl!" Logan said holding his hands up as a shield, "I'm only telling you what guys want, well the guys I know anyway and how I feel about it. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel about it. You can do it any way you want."

My anger cooled a bit as I realized he was right, he was only telling me his opinion and not trying to manipulate me like Darrin had.

"I'm sorry Logan. It's just that after what happened with Darrin I thought you were..." I let my words trail off not knowing how to finish.

"Trying to get into your panties?" He said with a grin.

I looked up to see him grinning.

"I never thought you would try," I said.

The grin disappeared from his face and was replaced with a sad look as he said, "Yea. You're right. You are way too young and innocent for me and I'm way too old for you. And anyway you want a young buck, someone your own age you can be with. So take my advise and go find someone you like and learn about sex. When you do find the guy you love it will be to your advantage."

As he talked I took stock of him. He was much older then me, older then my dad, so I had never thought of Logan as anything other than the nice older neighbor guy. For a brief moment I considered the possibility, he was a nice guy, handsome even, though his face showed a few lines. He was lean and muscular and in good shape, at his age he should be experienced and he was fun to be around. I had to say I liked him.

As soon as my mind was filled with those thoughts, it also rebelled: 'Oh my God! He's way too old! He just told you he would never think about having sex with you! He's way too old! He knows your parents! He's way too old!'

"Anyway," he said as he stood and waved his hand to take in the room, shaking me out of my thoughts, "feel free to use this anytime you want. The heavy bag is a great way to work out your frustrations. I'll leave you to your thoughts."

He stood and headed for the door.

As he reached for the handle I said, "Logan? How should I choose someone if I want to do what you suggest?"

He turned to look at me and replied, "Any guy with half a brain would do it with you. You are a gorgeous young woman. But you need to find someone you are comfortable with, someone you can trust and someone you like. Look around. It might surprise you how many there are in that category."

"Should I...find someone experienced?" I asked a knot in my stomach from the implications of the question.

He stared at me then smiled, a small almost sad smile as he replied, "Sure, that would help. "

He opened the door and just before he stepped out he looked back at me and said, "Be careful who you choose. Darrin was a user. There are more out there. Don't fall into their trap. And just so you know, if I were younger I would try to be the one to get into your panties."

A second later he was gone. I sat for a long time mentally digesting what he had told me. After a while I got up and punched the heavy bag for a bit, then pulled off the gloves and left. Over the next few months I got into the habit of going over to Logan's and beating on the bag. Some times he was there and would hold the bag for me, coaching me on how to punch and kick. I got pretty good at it. He never again mentioned our talk or what had happened.

After a few weeks of thinking about what he had told me I decided he was right. I began to search for a guy to be my sex buddy. As the weeks, then months went by I scouted the guys at school and one by one eliminated them. None seemed to fit what I wanted or needed. Finally, when the last guy was eliminated I found myself at a loss as to what to do.

The day after I eliminated that last guy I was deep in thought as I walked to Logan's. I put on the gloves and began to work out on the heavy bag. A few minutes after I started I heard the door open and turned to see Logan walking in.

"Hey El, want me to hold it for you?" He asked.

As he walked across the floor I took stock of him again. Like I said, he was older than my dad but handsome in a rugged, worn way.

He stepped around the bag, put his shoulder against it, and said, "Show me what you've learned."

For a split second, I thought he was talking about sex, then it hit me he was talking about the punches and kicks he had taught me.

I went through my routine on the bag and when I was finished he grinned and said, "Remind me never to piss you off."

As I stood there staring at him it hit me, I was comfortable with him, I liked him and I trusted him.

He had turned to pick up his gloves as I said, "Logan?"

"Yea?" He responded without looking up from putting on his gloves.

"I haven't been able to find anyone I want to do it with. What can I do?"

He stopped fitting his gloves, looked up at me, and with frown said, "El, I think you don't want to find anyone. There has to be what, 200 or 300 guys in your school and you can't find anyone you want to take to bed? I think that's bullshit. If you don't want to that's fine, just admit it to yourself, accept it and move on. You haven't said a word about this since the first time we talked about it. I think you're just making excuses."

I felt my cheeks grow warm and knew they were red as I started to get angry with him.

"I do too want this!" I yelled, "I've considered every one of the guys at school and I can't find anyone so don't tell me I haven't!" then without thinking I swung a punch at him.

He dodged back and slapped my punch aside.

"So, you want to spare I take it?"

"I want to whip your ass for doubting me!" I screamed.

At the time I didn't know why I was angry with him I just knew I was and I wanted to hurt him. Later I would come to understand it wasn't him but Darrin I was pissed at, but he was the one in front of me at the time so he got the brunt of my anger.

He grinned at me and said, "Ok girl, bring it."

I unleashed a series of punches and kicks that, if they had landed, would have truly hurt him. He evaded or deflected each one. As I screamed and attacked him I didn't realize he wasn't fighting back, all he did was protect himself and let me tire myself out. Finally, I stood panting, out of breath. With the last of my strength, I aimed one more punch at his head.

He easily blocked it and grabbed my wrist. I swung at him with the other hand and he stopped that one too. A moment later I found myself wrapped tight in his arms unable to move. As I stood there cocooned in his arms a strange thing happened, I felt a warm glow start between my legs.

I tried to get loose but he held me tight and with a grin said, "Calm down El. You have to stop being so damned picky. You're still looking for that guy who will love you. Right now what you need is a guy who you like and will...well you know... oh hell I'll just say it, who will fuck you silly!"

As I stood there in his arms, pulled tight to his chest staring into his eyes I realized I was getting very turned on. I was sweaty from the workout, but there was a heat between my legs that had nothing to do with the workout.

"So," he said with a grin, "If I let you go are you still going to try to whip on me?"

I stared at him puzzled as the heat between my legs increased and I could feel a tenseness in my belly and a craving begin to creep through my body. Finally, I opened my mouth to tell him I wouldn't hit him and as I did an epiphany hit me. That heat, that craving was for him, for this guy, this friend, holding me!

At first, when that realization hit me, I was appalled that I was getting sexually excited by a guy older than my father. But as that craving grew stronger I decided I didn't really care how old he was. I had checked out every guy my age at school and couldn't find one that excited me, not one I wanted to do it with, but being held by Logan was getting me very excited. It finally crystalized and I finally knew what I wanted.

"Logan?" I said staring into his eyes.

"Yea El." He said.

"Would you...," I hesitated then finished in a rush jumbling my words together, "havesexwithme?"

A look of surprise filled his face but was quickly replaced with a frown.

He let me go and stepped back as he said, "You can't beat my ass so now you're going to tease me? Damn it El, I've never treated you anyway but with respect. Why are you doing this?"

I was taken by surprise at his response. At first, I was hurt and I was about to lash out verbally when it hit me that because of our friendship because I was so much younger than him he probably did think I was teasing.

"Logan I mean it, I like you, I trust you, I'm comfortable around you. Isn't that the criteria you told me I should look for? You also told me that I would be surprised how many fit into that category. You were wrong. There aren't very many. In fact, so far I've only found one, you. So before I lose my nerve, will you have sex with me?"

He stared into my eyes for a long time, then asked, "You mean it?"

"Yes," I replied.

He frowned and said, "Your parents would cut my balls off if they knew we were even discussing having sex."

"I won't ever tell them," I replied, then got a gentle dig in, "Will you?"

"Hell no! Why would I tell them I'm having sex with their teenage daug..." He stopped mid-word and his mouth snapped shut as he stared at me, then he added, "I haven't said I would."

The heat between my legs was at a simmer, but had joined that tenseness in my belly and was starting to spread through me as a ball of desire. I knew I had to get him to agree.

"You said you would if you were younger. Why not now?" I pressed him.

"Look," he said, "even though you're almost 19, you're not even out of high school, doesn't the thought of fucking an old man disgust you?"

I stared at him and tried to feel disgusted at the thought of being naked with him, having his hands on me, touching his hard cock. The only thing those thoughts did was make the heat between my legs flame higher.

"No, it doesn't. Please Logan? You said I need to learn. You said I need to be careful and do it with someone I trust. You meet all those requirements."

Logan's eyes darted around the room like a caged animal.

They finally stopped on mine as he said, "I'm going to be honest with you El. I'd love to do that, take you to bed and fuck you silly, teach you all about sex. You are a very sexy, desirable young lady and I'd kill to take a girl like you in bed, but you are also young, impressionable and my friend, someone I don't want to hurt. I didn't intentionally try to get you to pick me as a sex buddy, but I must have influenced you somehow. What if we do this and you wake up a week from now angry and disgusted with me? If it means I will hurt you, if it means destroying our