I've Been Missing Out

Sarah and I usually went shopping together on Wednesdays, not for anything in particular, and usually not for me. I would normally stand there as she went through half the store trying things on. But today she picked out a few things for me. Some of it, I flatly refused to consider, but the beige skirt was nice, it came to just above my knees, and flared out a little.

"Try these on with it," she called through the curtain.

I saw a beige pair of court shoes come through the curtain.

"The heels are a little high," I mumbled back.

She didn't say anything she just shook the shoes until I took them. I pulled back the curtain and waited anxiously for her reaction.

"Good we'll take them," she said to the salesgirl.

In the café I tried telling her I wasn't going on a date.

"Of course you're not mum. But you look better in 3 inch heels instead of those flat things."

"My flat shoes are comfortable," I protested with a pout.

She winked at me, "had your hair done though didn't you."

"I was overdue for a cut."

She chuckled, "and the lighter tint?"

"I just fancied a change, that's all," I mumbled.

"Oh don't worry mum I'm only teasing, your hair looks lovely. Its nice you made an effort."

"It's for me you understand, not for anyone else."

"Look I know you are a little worried, maybe nervous, but Simon is a gentleman. He's not going to leer at your big knockers all night."

My eyes shot round the café.

"Sarah, please don't say words like that for everyone to hear," I said in hushed tones.

It was 7 o'clock when Sarah arrived on Thursday night.

"I'm not ready yet. Didn't you say 8 o'clock?" I asked a little flummoxed.

"Yeah, I just wanted to get here early so you wouldn't back out at the last moment, and to help you get ready."

"Sarah I'm a grown woman I don't need help, I, I'm not nervous, well a little I guess. But this isn't a proper date, I don't have to, well impress him or anything."

"I know I just want my mum to know I'm here to help, if she needs it."

"Well I don't," I stated, annoyed by her grin.

10 minutes later a rather pathetic call for help from my bedroom was made. She hugged me and smiled. Three times I did up the top button of my blouse, and four times Sarah undid it! I gulped at the pack of stockings she gave me.

"I haven't got a suspender belt," I mumbled.

"You don't need one they are hold ups," she said, as she took the pack from me and started opening it.

"Sarah, I'm not a tart, I'll wear tights, what if he gets the wrong impression?" I said with a bigger gulp.

"Oh, is he going to get that far then?" she said with a chuckle.

"Certainly not, and I would prefer it if you stopped all this suggestive talk," I said with an indignant huff.

"I know he's not, but won't it make you feel good about yourself?"

I looked at her a little puzzled.

"Well just think, there you will be in sexy stockings and he won't even know. I mean, you can sit there all smug about what you have hidden up your skirt knowing he doesn't know."

"OK the stockings, but not the high heels," I said, trying to come to some sort of compromise with myself and my daughter.

"No, high heels are a must, besides they are only 3 inch heels."

So there I sat in the pub waiting for Simon and James to turn up. Now I know I only said one drink but I kind of sunk the first in record time. My second wine was gone too. Still the butterflies in my stomach seemed to slow to a mild frenzy! The only thing that I didn't like was the perfume Sarah had sprayed on me when I wasn't looking.

"Oh my, there he is," I choked, as I grabbed Sarah's arm.

"God keep calm mum, just remember you are wearing stockings, and if he knew he'd be all over the place."

"As long as he's not all over me," I mumbled.

"Smile mum, you won't get executed."

I did smile, I couldn't bloody stop! I think my face just got stuck.

"Hi Sarah, Hi Mrs Brent," Simon said with a grin.

I felt a dig in my ribs from my daughter.

"C, call me Mary," I said, eventually.

James came over with the drinks and things settled down. The two men talked and played darts for awhile. I know that doesn't sound like fun, but I started to relax a little more. When Simon sat down again we chatted, at first he gave me simple questions with one word answers. Which again might sound strange or silly, but remember I hadn't been out like this for years? Not with a guy who fancied me, and a younger guy at that. Mr Kenny was OK, but he was a friend of my husband and me for years. So it was easier to talk to him. I hope that makes sense? By my fourth wine I felt more at ease, in fact I found myself thinking of my stockings, and what Simon would think of them. I had already noticed quick glances at my cross legs, several times! My hem was about 5 inches off my knee as I sat there. I had this strange feeling that Sarah might have told him something. Would my daughter have mentioned that I was wearing stockings!

"So what time do you want to go home mum?" Sarah whispered in my ear.

"Um, later Sarah, just one more drink wouldn't hurt."

Simon jumped up when he caught the end of what I said. I tried to stifle a giggle as his foot caught the leg of the stool. I think that was the moment that really broke the ice. He looked so embarrassed, but he laughed it off.

"I'll give you a hand with the drinks mate," James said.

"No you won't, I will," I said without thinking.

I was on my feet and following him to the bar before I knew it. I looked back at Sarah for some reason; she just winked at me, and then chuckled as I had carried on walking right into Simon who had stopped! So there I was following him again looking at his strong muscular back in his tight white shirt. He was easily 5 inches taller than me and he certainly had something about him I liked. I stood by his side at the bar and he smiled down at me. I just smiled back. His hand went round my waist and he pulled me to him. Was this him making a move on me! I soon realised it was because someone else was trying to squeeze behind me to get to the bar. Even so he just left his hand on my back, and I didn't really object. I could feel a slight weakness in my knees. His hand just stayed there, on my back, not stroking, not caressing, just on my back.

"Are you OK?" he whispered in my ear.

I felt a warm glow, a sort of nice flush rippled through my body, not sexual just nice. I smiled up at him. He grinned back, and his fingers flexed on the thin material of my blouse. The way my blouse moved over my skin under his soft touch made me feel wanted again, and now it felt sexual. I found myself moving into him, just a slight sway of my body, just enough to feel his leg against my skirt. Was this some bold sexual advance from me? I liked to think he wasn't sure. I remembered my stockings. I just wanted to grab his hand and press it on my thigh. I wanted him to feel the bump my stocking top made through my skirt. I wanted to put my arm around his waist. God I wanted to kiss him!

"Mary, I don't want to offend you, I don't want you to give me answer either, well not yet. But I'd like to see you again. Please don't answer me now, don't even give me a hint either way, I just well, I like you."

I swallowed and looked at him. Our eyes just held each others for a few moments. I wanted to say yes but I suppose my upbringing stopped me.

"Will you consider it?" he asked.

I nodded, and smiled at him. I reached for his hand and squeezed it. He squeezed mine back and I saw a look of relief on his face. I suppose I had just given him the answer that he had asked me not to. I took a deep breath.

"Simon, I want to see you again. I know you asked me not to say, but, well, I do. Is that OK?"

His smile stretched across the room. I felt my legs shaking now, sort of just doing their own thing. We squeezed each others hands again, until he had to pay for the drinks. I carried the two glasses of wine back to the table. I think Sarah noticed something had gone on at the bar. She just gave me a knowing smile but she didn't say anything. My nerves were back now, but they were excited nerves. I felt like I was floating on air. I felt lucky and so alive for the first time in years. Half an hour later I was alone with Sarah. She told me what she had seen at the bar. I suppose I had a silly grin on my face constantly now.

"Mum he really likes you. You are going to let him walk you home aren't you?"

My face must have dropped.

"Mum he won't try anything. If I thought he would I'd make you get a taxi, trust him he's a lovely bloke."

"As long as he doesn't," I said finally.

She almost squealed with delight.

"Do you need a taxi Mary?" James asked.

"No she needs some fresh air, don't you mum?"

I watched my daughter make some not very subtle eyes movements at Simon.

"I'll um, walk you home, if, you like?"

I looked at Simon for a few seconds.

"I'd like that, thank you."

We walked with a foot gap between us, until I swallowed and put my arm through his. It didn't stop his conversation, but I could almost sense him puffing out his chest. We walked slowly, very slowly, until we reached my gate.

"So when can I see you again?"

"Um, Sunday would be nice, if you are not busy?"

He nodded.

"We could go out to lunch somewhere."

"I'd like that Simon."

So here we were at that awkward stage. Should he kiss me or should he not? I moved in front of him and reached up. He kissed my cheek, and I felt for his hand. We held hands for awhile and I moved forward again. This time I let him kiss me on the lips, mouths closed. I heard a soft groan from him and I found myself opening my mouth. He responded in the same manner. I felt his tongue dance over my lips and this time I groaned. I had never been kissed like that before. I wanted more and I went for it! Our tongues touched sending little pleasant shock waves through me. He was soft and gentle and I found myself becoming the aggressor. He was soon responding and I could hear the sound of two people breathing through their noses. I was clinging to him now, and he was doing the same. He was almost lifting me off my feet he was becoming so passionate.

"I ought to go," he said panting.

I didn't want him to go. I couldn't let him go!

"Why don't you, come in for a coffee?" I gasped.

"Because, I, I'd probably, want. I mean I couldn't," he mumbled.

"Hell Simon, take me to bed," I pleaded.

"Are you, do you really mean that?"

I nodded. Totally out of character for me, but I wanted him so bad. I sort bulked a little thinking I had maybe gone too far. I could see him pump himself up. He grabbed my hand and with a force that shocked me, rushed me to the front door. Sammy was let out the back for a quick wee, and then sent to his bed.

I stopped half way up the stairs, "sorry, did you want coffee?"

He shook his head and we carried on to the bedroom. Simon was so eager he nearly over took me! We stood staring at each other now we made it to the bedroom.

"Simon, this is the first time I've had sex for," I stopped myself going further.

Did Simon know about James and me? I had to think how I was going to put this.

"Sarah said you haven't been, with, well anyone, since your husband died."

"That's not entirely true, but I'm a little, um, well out of practice?"

He nodded with a comforting smile. He came forward and hugged me. I closed my eyes as my arms went around his back and up to his shoulders.

"Maybe we are going a little too fast. Mary if you aren't comfortable then I can go."

"No, I want you. I just want you to know I might not, well, I might be a little rusty."

He hugged me tight and kissed my forehead.

"It's OK," he whispered.

My fingers fiddled with the zip on the back of my skirt. I couldn't seem to undo it. When he turned his back I frantically tugged at the zip. He turned back to me and I quickly moved from the zip that wouldn't budge to the buttons on my blouse. I smiled at him, hoping I had masked the total incompetent who couldn't even undress herself. He was down to his pants already, and there I was with one shoe off and one shoe on! My fumbling fingers were calmly removed from my buttons. I could feel my face going red as I just watched his hands slip my buttons open. His head moved forward and he kissed my cheek. I just sort of melted there and then. My blouse slid to the floor and then my bra. I was in such a daze I couldn't remember him taking it off me. Then I realised he was staring at them. I put my arms across my chest.

"Mary, if you don't want to, then I don't mind waiting."

His words were almost whispered, but loud enough for me to slowly drop my arms to my side. I turned slowly until my back was to him.

"Would you unzip my skirt?" I mumbled.

My body stiffened, as I felt his warm wet lips unexpectedly kiss the back of my neck. I closed my eyes as he gently planted little slow kisses over me. I swallowed as my skirt rushed to the floor. His lips started on my shoulder now, trailing over it slowly. My eyes had closed long ago as I savoured every little touch. Maybe I should do something for him now, but I just hadn't be touched or caressed like that for, well, ever! His lips went down my back as he went down on his knees. I just stood there feeling every wonderful movement over my skin. I shuddered with delight at everything he did.

"I didn't figure you for someone who wears stockings," he mumbled into my back.

I sort of froze, what did he mean?

"I, um, don't usually. God don't you like them?" I said in a panicking voice.

I was so worried in case he thought I was loose woman. Did he have visions of me stood on street corners!

"I do like them Mary, I like them very much. Would you wear them in bed for me?"

"I usually wear a nightdress. Oh, I see what you mean, well if you want me to I suppose it would be, OHHHH!"

I gasped feeling his lips covering my backside. I had never had anyone kiss my backside before, OK I still had my panties on but this was so strange! His hands slowly went over my legs, gently running down the nylon. It sent little shock waves through me. Both hands swept back up and over my hips, and then they went down again taking my panties down to my knees! Again I found my hand covering between my legs.

"Can we get into bed now?" I asked a little uncertain.

He stood back up still behind me.

"Of course we can," he mumbled in my ear.

I think he must have realised I was a little embarrassed. He didn't say anything though. I quickly kicked off my shoe and got into bed. He smiled as he bent forward as I looked away. I know this is silly, but I didn't want to just stare at him as he slipped his pants off. I'm not like the women of today, I mean I just wasn't brought up to be so open about sex. Still I felt a little more comfortable in bed now. I wanted him, I just didn't want him to think I some sort of, well, slut. He kissed my neck, and that was fine. His hand was stroking my stocking top, and that was nice. He moved between my legs, and that was OK. His cock went to the opening of my pussy, and that was a shock!

"Are you OK?" he asked as I gasped.

I nodded and whimpered.

"You seem, um, a..."

"Big?" he responded to my stammering.

I gave a nervous chuckle as he pushed in a little. I spread my legs further.

"Mary, I'll be gentle," he said with a grin.

I smiled again. He pushed in and I gasped. He began to slowly withdraw and then move back in, only a few inches for a few strokes. Then he fed a little more, and did the same again.

"That is about half way, are you OK?"

I nodded and smiled, but my head was wrestling with just how big he was! I could feel him filling me width ways. I just hoped that when we finished I'd be able to close my legs. Still I was enjoying it a little more now. The tightness seemed to arouse me more than I thought it would.

"Can I go further?" he mumbled.

I could hear passion in voice. I suppose it was more about what he was doing than who he was doing it with. I didn't want to disappoint him either. My husband had never asked a question like that. Then again he never said anything during sex. Ted would just smile afterwards just for a second to let me know he loved me. For some reason thinking of Ted gave me an edge. For the first time I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, was Ted up there watching his wife behave like a complete whore?

"Go all the way. All the way in me Simon," I whispered, "I don't care if it hurts a little, hell I hope it does."

My words were directed at Simon, but more at my husband. I wanted him to know I was enjoying sex. I wanted Ted to know he never aroused me like Simon or James had.

"Oh my goodness!" I gasped.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" Simon said pulling out a little.

"I told you to, didn't I? Go on do it to me, F, fuck me!" I growled, hoping Ted would hear me swearing.

I winced and I panted as Simon couldn't control himself anymore. He had been patient with me, and now he deserved to let himself go. It hurt, but I'm not a kid. Ted would fuck me when I was barely ready. He wasn't as big as Simon so I managed to stifle my groans. But now I didn't want to. In a weird way, and I don't know why, I wanted Simon to know he was hurting me a little. I wanted him to use me.

"Do it harder and faster Simon," I mumbled.

"Are, you sure?" he panted.

I looked up at the ceiling again, "oh I'm sure darling."

He started hammering into me, and I loved it. I don't know why I had suddenly changed; maybe I was jealous of missing out all these years. Maybe if my husband had added a little foreplay or at least let me respond, sex with him would have been more of joy, than a chore! I washed, I cooked, I cleaned, and I lay in silence for 10 minutes while Ted did the deed. Fucking hell I've missed out! I wrapped my legs around Simon, such a whorish display, but it felt great. He didn't mind, he didn't ask me what the hell I was doing.

"Do you think I'm a slut?" I hissed.

"Christ no Mary," Simon panted in a shocked voice.

My question wasn't directed at Simon. I quickly thought of a way to change it though.

"No, I meant if I asked you to stay the night, if you wanted. Would you think I was a slut then?"

"God no, Mary I wouldn't think that. I'd love to stay, if you wanted it."

"Yeah, yeah I'd love it," I hissed, as my orgasm sent my body into uncontrollable quivers.

"You are so, so bloody, sexy," Simon groaned.

He was still hammering into me as I started to come down. I clung to him as he trembled. I knew he was shooting and I whimpered with delight.

I cuddled into him as he slept. I felt so alive and so very happy. I now knew what I had been missing out on all through my married life. Although deep down, I felt I had just cheated on my dead husband. I still loved him, but maybe I had to move on now. I closed my eyes, and I'm sure I slept with a smile on my face. Could sex really be this wonderful?

I made Simon breakfast in bed. I perched on the end of the bed with my dressing gown wrapped around me. I watched him eat with a happy smile on my face. I lost count of the times I asked if the food was alright. I suddenly realised how much I was embarrassing myself. I took his trousers and shirt down stairs and ironed them. I just did it out of habit I suppose. He chuckled when he came in the lounge.

"You don't have to do that," he said, still with a grin on his face.

"Oh it's no trouble really," I gushed.

"Are we still on for Sunday lunch?"

"Goodness yes," I said, enthusiastically.

I walked him to the door and I almost bumped into his back again. I told myself to calm down but I just couldn't. I was like a puppy chasing after her master. He turned and kissed me, just a peck on the lips, but it caused me to give a silly little chuckle. I had a new spring in my step as I took Sammy across the fields. I think I had a permanent grin all over my face. When we got back home I went into my bedroom and I could smell the faint whiff of Simon's aftershave. I bent down and sniffed the pillow he had slept on. I raced downstairs to answer the phone. I didn't expect him to phone me quite so soon. I took a deep breath and picked up the phone.