*Author's note: My apologies for being off the grid for so long, but as most of you know, I lost the zeal for writing at the end of 2020 and have never gotten it back. When the idea for this story hit me a few months ago, I had a three-day period where I thought, "Hey! It's back!" But it wasn't.
I did keep pecking away at it though and finally got it finished. I hope you enjoy it.
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"Mom? Can you just stay home this one time?"
Her mother tried to smile as she said, "Honey. I have to work."
"I know we need money, but I don't have to have braces," her 12-year old daughter told her as tears welled up in her eyes.
While it was true that Emma didn't have to have braces to live, it was also true that she had what was called a Level III occlusion, the most serious form of...bad teeth. Her underbite was pronounced, and making matters worse she had a a front tooth that protruded when she smiled, and Emma had been teased about it for the last two years.
Making matters worse, her father left them right around the time the teasing got serious, and that made an already painfully shy little girl turn even further inside herself. Her mother knew that other than the malocclusion, and the black-rimmed glasses she wore, her daughter was a very pretty girl. But it would take time and money to bring out that beauty, and money was in extremely short supply She also knew how painful it was to be Emma's age and be teased as she'd also had teeth in need of straightening.
After 18 months as a "tin grin" herself, Randi Olsen suddenly became one of the prettiest and most popular girls in school, and she felt certain her daughter would blossom once the braces came off. The glasses weren't that big a deal, and there were even times when she felt her daughter looked better in them than without.
Contact lenses were a lot less expensive than braces, but right now, Randi could barely afford to put food on the table and pay the rent. So any "blossoming" would only happen, if she was able to put away enough money. It didn't help that Emma's father rarely sent any money, and there'd never been a month when he sent the full amount.
Randi could take him to court, but she found herself unwilling to do that for two main reasons. The first was that it would hurt Emma even more if her father were to be thrown in jail, and they still wouldn't have any more money.
The second was a concern that only developed after he moved out, but the truth was that Randi was afraid of him. He'd never hit her, but he was a large man who lived in the gym, and she knew he was taking steroids of some kind. The way he'd looked at her the two times she'd spoken to him since the separation had sent chills down her back. So for now, she was working full-time and as an Lyft driver in the evenings.
She pushed those thoughts out of her mind and for a brief moment recalled her own transformation from ugly duckling to pretty swan, and knew full well it was those same good looks that caught the attention of a college senior during her sophomore year that led to a first date and to eventually marrying him. Like all marriages they'd had their share of problems, but they began in earnest when Randi told her now ex-husband she wanted to have a baby when she was 25 years old.
She could still remember the smirk on his face when she told him as well as the words he spoke as though she was herself just 12 years old again.
"You'll get over it."
His words stung her badly, and she never really did get over the hurt, but after getting the nerve to bring it up again some five years later, her husband nearly lost it. They went an entire week without saying a word to one another before he broke the silence. The anger in his voice scared her, and she could 'feel' it to this very day.
"Fine. You can have a baby," he told her, his voice initially sounding almost kind.
Randi's heart melted as a smile grew on her pretty face just as he added a caveat.
"But since I don't want a kid--ever--if I give you one you have to raise it. I'll support you and the kid, but I am NOT changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, or running the kid to a doctor every time it sneezes."
He stared at her, an icy-cold look on his face, as he waited for an answer.
Stunned, Randi's heart stopped the melting process, and it felt as though she couldn't breathe let alone speak. Even so, feeling encouraged in spite of her husband's coldhearted comments, she agreed. She knew women raised children on their own all across the world, and if he was at least there to provide financial support, she would gladly do the rest. And maybe, she thought, maybe he'll eventually come around.
"Okay. Yes. I'll take care of everything. I promise," she'd told him in spite of the warning bells she was silencing out of a desire to have a child so badly that nothing else mattered.
Her quick trip down memory lane over, she searched for some new way to tell her daughter she had to go to work--again. Even as she did, she thought back on the crazy, passionate sex that had brought her into the world. It went on for days, and there were times when she couldn't help but believe her husband still loved her and would one day love their child, too.
For him, it had been nothing more than an opportunity to have more sex in one month than they typically had in six. But after Emma came along, other than a few occasions when he spent a little time with Emma here and there, it was obvious that was never going to happen. And when her permanent teeth began coming in the way they did he made it clear he wasn't spending a dime on her....
The way he expressed his feelings was so cruel it made her cry, and when she did he mocked her for it. Two months later he told her one night without warning that he was leaving. Ironically, it was the day before Emma turned 10, and while Randi knew it would break her daughter's heart, it finally became clear to her that it was more important to have this...cancer...out of their lives than to have his income to get by on.
"Emma. Honey," she began as she bent down a little. "I can't. I have to work."
The only saving grace in all of this was the wonderfully kind and caring woman who lived across the hall from them in the rundown apartment complex they'd ended up in as the only place they could afford in their hometown of Evansville, Indiana, a city with a population of about 118,000.
Edna Williams was 78, spry, rail thin, and absolutely loved Emma. Even though she lived on a fixed income, this dear, sweet lady insisted on taking no money for caring for the young girl.
Randi tried to persuade her to let her pay her for her time more than once even though doing that would take over half of what she could earn per week as a Lyft driver, but she refused.
"If you don't mind, though, I'd prefer coming to your place to watch her," the elderly woman told her neighbor.
Randi happily agreed and told her, "Yes. Of course. That'd be wonderful."
The only 'payment' Randi made was letting Mrs. Williams eat as much as she liked while she was there. She'd only been inside the older woman's apartment once, but she had the sense that her neighbor had very little to in her refrigerator or pantry. True or not, she was only too happy to make sure there was plenty of food available as it not only helped salve her conscience for taking the free childcare, it also made her feel good just to help out with something so basic and necessary.
Randi remembered wondering at the time if she might not end up like Mrs. Williams herself one day. Poor and alone. The poor part was on track, and now that she was working full-time during the day and driving at night as well as on weekends, meeting someone often seemed impossible. The fact that she lived in what was essentially a dump made her think that maybe it was better not having anyone in her life.
The only close friend she'd had was her mother, and just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, her mom had a sudden, unexpected heart attack that took her life leaving Randi truly feeling more alone than she'd ever felt in her life.
She no sooner had those thoughts than she chided herself.
"You have Emma, remember? And Emma is all you need."
Now however, as she looked down at her daughter whose eyes were filled with tears, Randi wondered how much longer she could live like this. Yes, she loved her daughter dearly. More than life itself. But not having...not having someone in her life to love her in a way that was so very different from the love of a child and almost as important...was becoming more and more difficult to bear.
For now, though, she needed to get going. If she was lucky, she might make a couple of hundred dollars tonight since it was Friday and the 2nd of the month which meant that most people had a little extra money to spend. And if that happened, it would be none too soon as she still owed almost $200 on this month's rent. They had enough to eat, but she'd been late on the rent the last three months.
She knew that in spite of all of her misfortunes she was still considered a very attractive woman, even at 42. Randi hated herself for doing it, but she occasionally flirted with her very unattractive landlord in order to buy some more time to get him the entire amount. So far, he'd only made a couple of rude comments, and she'd decided that as long as he didn't try to kiss her--she shuddered at the thought--she would smile and play along.
