No sexual connotation involving under 18 years old is mentioned.
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I was very shy when I started high school. I was shorter than most of my peers and full of pimples. It might have helped me socially if I was among the top rated students or an athlete, but it was neither. Dad, Larry, was mostly at work and returned late, thus we hardly talked. In retrospect, I do not recall a single time we had a heart-to-heart talk.
Mom, Luna, was the only one I could rely on. She was gentle, soft, quiet, and ALWAYS ready to help. It could be with homework, driving me around, or listening to my complaints about school stuff. To say I loved her was an underestimation.
In my sophomore year, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I was fed up with other students mocking my stature and wimpiness, and began going to a nearby health club 3 times a week. I used the treadmill, lifted weight, and swam. Toward the end of that year, my growth spurt started. The changes happened faster than I expected: within less than a year, I was 6'1", 188 pounds, and the pimples were gone as if never existed.
As a senior in high school, I was good enough to be included in our school's swim team, and 6 months later, I was one of the top breaststroke swimmers in the state. Almost overnight, other students tried to seek my company and invited me to social events.
Girls were now eyeing me, something I never experienced before. The same girls who in the past ignored me, all of a sudden said hello with a smile, and frequently approached me with questions about studies, swimming, and even my opinions about friendship.
I was still socially inept, but I could tell these girls found me attractive. They likely hoped I'd ask to date them. Only Barbara, one of the girls on the cheerleaders squad, dared to ask me for a date. I went out with her 3 times. Once for a coffee at Starbucks, the other time for a stroll in a nearby park, and the 3rd time to a movie. In the darkness, she turned to me and asked me to kiss her. I did. It was a lame kiss with no tongues involved. She seemed disappointed, "That wasn't a real kiss. I am sure you can do better than that." Then the movie began, and I said, "Maybe later. Let's watch the movie." When the movie finished, I drove her home and said, "Barb, you are a nice girl, but I'll be very busy in the near future, so let's take a break." I saw tears in her eyes, and when I parked by her house, she rushed home without saying a word. This was the end of it.
...
I couldn't tell anybody I was in love with my mother. How could I? Call it Oedipus Complex or any other name you wish, but that was the way I felt. She was there for me whenever I needed her, and I began noticing her appearance as well.
Mom was a homemaker and did not work outside the house. Before her marriage, she worked as a secretary in a lawyer's office, but after I was born, my Dad persuaded her to stay at home and care for me. Other than evenings and some weekends, Dad was largely out of her life. As I said before, her life revolved mostly around me. There were 2 exceptions: She kept her shape by going to the gym and doing yoga multiple times a week, and Agnes.
Agnes divorced her husband when I was young. She was my Mom's best, and as far as I could tell, the only friend. They were opposites almost in everything: Mom had black hair, and Agnes's was blonde; mother was quiet and soft, while Agnes was vivacious, gossipy, and brash. They couldn't be more different, yet they were inseparable and met each other almost every day.
On my 18th birthday, I invited 6 buddies to my house. We sat in the basement, watched sports, played video games, and had fun. Both Mom and Agnes prepared everything we needed: They baked a large cake, bought beers, ordered pizzas, and even alternated showing their faces and bringing more food and drinks.
After the first hour, most of us had at least 2 beers and our chat turned louder and racier. I remember Bob commenting about his girlfriend's huge tits. Leroy chuckled and said that while big breasts were a good thing, his girl's suction abilities were more important to him. Max, not to be outdone, announced that to him, the critical thing was the number of times his current girl could erect him, bragging she once did it 6 times in a single session.
During their 'discussion,' I was quiet and just listened. Suddenly, Freddy turned to me and said, "Jerry, these days you are not going out with anybody. Is it because you have 2 gorgeous mature ladies around?" Everybody giggled, and Ben said, "Freddy is right. The 2 women look amazing. Unlike the other jerks in this room, I am into older females. However, those 2 upstairs are among the most attractive I've ever seen. And I mean they are both pretty and have sexy figures..." I was too embarrassed to verbally react and just laughed with the others. Eventually, the subject of our talk changed.
Later, when I was already in bed, I recalled what Freddy and Ben said. Yes, despite being 47 years old, Agnes had a cute face and a nice body, but my love for Mom was the killer. It wasn't just the way I felt about her, but not being able to talk about it with anybody was sitting on my chest like an elephant.
By 18 I already knew I wished to join the army. Dad argued with me it was a bad idea and that I should go to college. Mom quietly agreed with Dad, but mumbled she'd support any decision I made.
I thought about the army as an option since starting high school. I became fascinated with general George Patton, and admiral Nimitz, and read about John Kennedy's heroism on the pt-109. But it wasn't the only reason. Being so close to Mom and not able to be more than a son to her, hurt. A LOT! Serving in the army far away might distract me from focusing on my mother...
...
I joined the army a month after finishing high school. Dad, who hardly ever hugged me before, did it and whispered in my ear, "Son, please, don't be a hero. Help your comrades and your country, but too many of those who attempt to become heroes end up scarred for life or dead. It's not for me that I tell you that; it's for Mom, who loves you even more than me." I glanced at him and smiled, "I don't believe she loves anybody more than you, but I'll try to keep myself safe."
Mom cried loudly when I was about to leave, "Honey, I'll miss you dearly. Eighteen years I dedicated to you, and now you desert me..."
"Mom, part of growing up is leaving the nest. What's the big difference if I go to the army or move to a college in Arizona? I'll be away for several years and write or call you as often as I can, I promise!"
My promise was genuine, but being in the army meant somebody else dictated my schedule. After 10 weeks of boot camp (BCT), we were sent abroad. Part of my 4 years, I spent in Afghanistan, and later in the Middle East, mostly in Iraq. I was doing quite well and was about to be promoted to the rank of captain when my ranking officer asked to talk to me confidentially.
As I closed the door behind me, he gazed at me and blurted, "Jerry, for years now, I considered you a friend more than an underling. Your promotion to captain was approved yesterday. That was the good news. Unfortunately, this morning, I got bad news too: Your father suffered a fatal stroke and died before reaching the hospital. You didn't get the message yourself because of our unique situation as a classified unit in a secretive place. For the next 3 days our unit has urgent assignments that cannot be postponed, but after that time, if you wish to go home for a while, I'll approve it."
I was in shock. Dad was only 49 years old! I had never asked if he had risk factors for CVA and never saw him taking medications for hypertension, diabetes, or high cholesterol...
More importantly, what about Mom? Since I left the house, I called or wrote rather sparingly due to our frequent missions. My love for her hasn't diminished, but the busy life far away made it easier to tolerate it, and by the 4th year, I was thinking about her mostly before going to sleep. So now her only companion was Agnes.
During the following 3 days, I stayed and fulfilled my tasks, and then I talked to my chief again, "Boss, for years you were my commander, mentor, and surrogate father. I'll remember and cherish that for the rest of my life. However, I decided to quit the army and return home to my mother. I am a single child, and with my father gone, I am the only one left for her. With the skills I acquired here, I think I'll find a decent job in the civilized world."
He almost cried, "You were really like a son to me. You made my life so much easier, and I trusted you more than anybody around here. I'd rather lose an arm than lose you, but I understand and won't stand in your way. Hopefully, we'll stay in touch."
Shortly after, I was on a plane to America.
...
I arrived home hungry, dirty, and tired. Mom saw me by the door and started crying. She hugged me, weeping, "Dad left us. You look so tan and thin... I bought Omaha steaks. They will be ready in 10 minutes."
I kissed her forehead, "Mom, I missed you so much. Let me go shower and then sit in the tub for half an hour. After that, we'll talk about food."
"Honey, Agnes sits in the living room. Before you shower, go say hello to her too."
