I Need to Be in Love

Lyn looked away from the sick green background of the computer monitor. Still, she could sense the face in the screen looking back at her; mocking her. It scorned her for turning 45, for staying married to a man she didn’t love, and for having a job she couldn’t stand.

The woman swiveled in her chair and was confronted by windows that reflected her short legs, lifeless hair and insignificant body. Had a more nondescript female ever been born?

She stood and detected a movement in the window. A man was walking past; a tall, younger man with a sure stride. She watched his reflection. It looked like Paul. But, of course, it couldn’t be Paul. Paul walked out of her life twenty years ago.

Or had he? Every young man with dark hair was Paul--the same man Lyn had met in the remote motel room when she was in her mid twenties in order to consummate their physical attraction towards each other. The same man who couldn’t complete the act.

He had blamed it on guilt. She suspected it was her undistinguished techniques. Both were half right. There were tears and embarrassment and anguish. No words were ever spoken.

Lyn’s life would be incomplete if she didn’t erase that awful fifteen minutes from two decades ago. But, of course, it would never be erased from her memory. She needed to erase its very existence by completing the act.

An old Carpenters song entered her mind:

The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing

There's someone in this crazy world for me.

Yeah, right. A married, middle-aged woman who looks more like Jim Carey than Mariah Carey. Lyn no more expected to be loved again than she expected to win the lottery.

She smoothed out her skirt and headed for the break room. She needed coffee.

The reality was this: Lyn was not an unappealing woman. Her short brunette hair was neatly cut and curled at the base of her neck. She had penetrating dark eyes and lips that begged to be kissed. Her figure was more than respectable, including shapely legs that lacked only the exaggerated length she was used to seeing on magazine covers.

In fact, when walking the local nature trail in the summer with shorts and a tank top on she was almost sexy. Almost.

Lyn’s biggest problem was Lyn. Her faith in relationships…and herself…walked out the door with Paul. She saw no need to make herself appealing.

The way that people come and go through temporary lives

My chance could come and I might never know.

On the opposite side of the office, Terry watched her enter the break room. He watched her ass sway under the skirt before Lyn disappeared around the corner.

Terry was a thirty-year-old accountant who would probably never rise above the supervisory level…and would be satisfied with that. Terry struggled through school. He struggled on dates. He would struggle through a career and retire.

“Go. Before she comes back out.”

The voice behind him was firm and sure. He turned to look at Sue, giving her the usual contemptuous sneer he gave her when he felt she was being a little too intrusive.

But she was right. He grabbed his coffee cup and headed quickly for the break room. He would deal with the cute, young meddler when he got back.

Lyn was seated at the undersized, square table in the middle of the room when Terry entered. They exchanged friendly greetings as Terry walked to the coffee maker. He added sugar to the cup and turned towards Lyn. Her legs were crossed under the table, exposing a good portion of her stocking covered thighs.

“Mind if I sit down?” the man asked.

“Of course not. How’s your day been, Terry?”

He lied. “Pretty good. How about you?”

The lying continued. “Good. We haven’t been real busy.” At least the latter statement was true.

“Us either,” Terry admitted. They paused to drink.

Lyn had always liked Terry and enjoyed watching him around Sue, the young addition to the accounting department. Sue was infinitely more outgoing than Terry and seemed to enjoy goading him into dating her girlfriends or other single women in the office. If Lyn was younger…and single…and prettier; well, she wasn’t any of those. But he WAS cute, she admitted.

“You look very nice today. Going somewhere after work?” Terry asked.

Lyn had to gather herself after the unaccustomed compliment.

“No. Not at all. And thank you.” She smiled at him sheepishly, nervously rearranging her legs under the table.

She felt the urge to change the topic. “So, how’s Sue been doing?”

“Oh, great,” Terry said cheerfully. “She’s gonna be great to have around.” He glanced at the door to make sure she hadn’t followed him. “She’s a lot of fun, but knows her stuff, too.”

“Still trying to set you up with dates?” Lyn asked.

“Of course.”

Lyn tried to put on her most innocent look. “Any luck?”

Terry laughed. “Hardly.”

Lyn was about to continue her questioning, but Terry added, “She has a lot of twenty-year-old friends.”

“So?” Lyn’s eyes widened.

“So, I’m beyond that. I want…, well, not want exactly…I like women older than that,” he finally managed to say.

“How old?” Lyn was getting into this now, enjoying the young man’s apparent discomfort.

Terry eyed her carefully. “I think a woman ten or fifteen years older than me would be interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Could teach me something.”

Lyn drank some more coffee and thought for a second. Where could she take this? Did she want to?

“Maybe an older woman would know better than to try to teach a young guy like you anything,” Lyn finally said.

“I hope not. Anyone who thinks I’ve done it all is in for a shock.”

Lyn couldn’t help but laugh at that one. She could see the insecurity on his face and decided to help him out.

“Ah, c’mon Terry. You’re a good-looking young man. Most older women would be very intimidated by you.”

Terry had walked, or been pushed, into the room as the “aggressor” and felt strangely defensively now.

“Intimidated? I doubt that. Would you?”

Lyn was afraid that was coming. She felt unsettled just sitting with him in the break room. Being alone with him would surely cause her to crumble.

“Uh, well, I think my days of thinking about young men are about over,” she said.

He stared at her intensely. “The question was: Would you be intimidated by a younger man? I think you said a good-looking younger man.” A small grin crossed his face.

It was Lyn’s turn to wonder how the conversation had made the sudden detour.

“Every woman has fantasies.” Lyn let the statement hang in the air like a cloud. She would have given anything for someone to enter the room and relieve the man of having to say anything.

Lyn looked into Terry’s brown eyes. Her body froze. Paul’s eyes were looking deep inside her. She was no longer in the room with a young accountant. Lyn and Paul were naked in a motel room. Her mouth was around his cock, feeling it grow. Then he was on top of her and inside of her.

Then…it was over. Without anything happening.

Lyn had given Paul lots of freedom. She never asked him to leave his wife for her. She always thought her actions alone could convince him what was right for them. Eventually, he said “goodbye” by walking out the door without saying a word. So much for freedom.

“Tell me your fantasies.”

Jesus. Terry blinked as he asked the question and Lyn was thrown out of the eyes she had fallen into.

“What?” Lyn could barely speak.

“Tell me your fantasies,” he repeated nonchalantly.

The woman desperately wanted to. She felt a compelling urge to. She opened her mouth…and the two were joined by a pair of coworkers arguing over the qualifications of competing Star Search contestants.

Lyn and Terry looked at each other in silence. Lyn rose from her seat.

“I have to get back. I’ll talk to you later, OK?” Lyn said.

If it was meant to be an invitation to continue the discussion, Terry accepted. “Sure.”

The man was left sitting alone, his heart racing. Lyn walked briskly back to her desk and threw herself into her chair. She scolded herself for even thinking about answering that asinine question. Yet, she knew she would. Eventually.

Terry rounded the corner of his cubicle and caught the upper half of Sue’s face looking over the wall.

“Shut up,” Terry blurted.

“What?” Sue used her most innocent of all voices. Terry couldn’t see her mouth, but he could tell from her eyes she was smiling.

The girl continued. “You two are going to hook up. I just know it.”

“She’s not my type,” said Terry.

“Bull. You want her.”

“Don’t you have work to do?” Terry asked.

The blonde head disappeared to the sound of giggles.

Lyn spent considerable time that night laying in bed thinking. She thought about Terry and his question…and her answers. She asked herself if she found him attractive. The answer was yes. She wondered how he’d be in bed. There was no answer to that one. Just fantasies.

Then she thought about her and Paul. Was she ready for something like that again?

The next day Lyn was back in the office, staring at her computer screen and watching people in the windows. Life went on.

Late in the afternoon she headed for the large, secluded room that housed the Xerox machine. Her print job was mammoth and, of course, the machine was being uncooperative. Not paying attention to the clock, she found herself watching the machine spit out pages well after the normal closing time.

Her mind was lost in the drone of the Xerox.

“Tell me your fantasies.”

The voice was real. And close. Lyn turned her head and saw Terry. He stood directly behind her, inches away.

“Oh. Hi,” the woman exclaimed. Her voice shook from the scare he had given her. Then she grasped the words that he had spoken.

For all her preparation since he first asked her for this information, she was unable to reply.

Terry placed his hands on her hips, looking down at the sheer white blouse and the black skirt. “You do have fantasies, don’t you?”

She could have screamed, or slapped him, or walked away. Instead, she continued watching the copier.

“I have fantasies of someone loving me very much,” she said quietly.

“And making love to you to prove it?”

“Yes.” She almost sighed the words.

Terry’s hands moved down the skirt. Just above the knees he reached the hem. His fingers slipped inside and touched her legs.

“Could this be a younger man? A younger man that needed to be taught some things by a wonderful, more experienced woman?”

Lyn smiled nervously. “You mean an older woman?”

“Well…,” Terry smiled with her. His hands moved up the inside of her skirt, feeling the hose on her smooth thighs. “I think I answered that yesterday. Today, we want to know what YOU want.”

Lyn thoroughly enjoyed playing word and mind games with this man. Could she do more?

“I’ve got everything I want.” Lyn tried to sound convincing, but even she didn’t believe the words.

“Hell. I don’t think so,” Terry answered firmly. “When was the last time you begged to have sex a second time with someone because you loved them that much and they were that good?”

“Terry!” Lyn said. She cried out not because she was offended by the question, but because a woman her age was SUPPOSED to be offended by the question. In this case, the pair of hands rising slowly up her legs, getting closer and closer to her moist cunt, prevailed.

She said, “Never.”

“I thought so. You have fantasies about a man you love making you cum until you scream for more.” Terry’s hands reached the top of her legs just as the words were spoken. His fingers felt her warmth through the pantyhose and panties.

Lyn broke the ensuing silence. “We’re in a room and we’re naked. He’s on top of me, licking and sucking my breasts while I stroke him. Finally, he enters me and I feel completely filled.”

Lyn stopped. A hand was rubbing her pussy and she scarcely noticed.

Her voice trembled. “He’s SO hard and long. I play with myself as he enters me again and again.”

Terry’s hand found her clit and rubbed it hard.

“I hear him groan and then I feel him…I feel him cum inside me. He’s pushing harder and faster. I come, too. It’s better than anything I’ve ever felt.”

Terry moved his hand inside her pantyhose, inside her panties and down to her pussy. He rubbed her clit some more before inserting a finger into her dripping cunt. Lyn put her hands on the copier and felt Terry’s hard cock press against her ass.

Tears rolled down her face. She wants to cum, but she can’t. Not this time.

“Terry?” Lyn asked.

The man withdrew his hand slowly. “Yes?”

She paused. “Will you meet me here tomorrow after work?”

“Of course I will,” he said with reassurance.

“And will you make love to me?”

Terry used his hands to turn the woman around.

“Until you beg for more,” he said. His mouth closed around hers and they kissed passionately. Afterwards, Terry wiped the last of the teardrops from Lyn’s face.

“Now help me carry this back to my desk,” Lyn said as she turned back to the machine. She needed to get away from him. Until tomorrow.

Driving home, Lyn considered her options. Call in sick; tell Terry she’d made a mistake; or, wear her shortest skirt and thong panties. Why couldn’t things ever go right for her? Why couldn’t this be her husband expressing this much interest in her?

Lyn showed up the next morning in a short skirt and sleeveless silk blouse. By mid-afternoon she had received a half dozen compliments. She and Terry crossed paths a couple times during the day, but they didn’t talk.

Terry spent much of the day watching the clock. Sue invited him to lunch, which he accepted. This had the usual effect of making him horny, or in today’s case, hornier. For once, his mind was on something other than Sue’s perfect little body while they were together. By the end of the lunch hour he was beginning to prefer Lyn’s understated calmness. Maturity, he guessed, was a better word.

Between five and five-thirty the offices began to empty. Lights were switched off randomly throughout the floor--until Terry sat alone in his department and a glow radiated from the Xerox room.

The sound of the machine could faintly be heard. Not a soul was in sight. Terry stood from his chair and took a deep breath. The throbbing between his legs had already started.

This time, Lyn saw the young man as he stood at the door. She removed a batch of copies and let the machine continue. Then she looked at him once more and smiled.

“Nice outfit,” Terry said, taking a couple steps inside the room.

Lyn blushed. “Thanks. It’s not my…uh, usual attire.”

“Special occasion?”

Lyn watched him step closer, within an arm’s length. He was very good-looking, she determined. Or was this an attempt to justify things? She knew, now, that her desire was indisputable.

“Yeah. Kind of.”

Terry put his hand on the back of her neck, under her hair. Then he ran his fingers along her shoulder to the top of her arm, the skin exposed by the sleeveless blouse. They stood facing each other. Their eyes locked.

The man lightly placed his hands on her waist and lifted her. Lyn’s eyes widened and she reached with her hands for the top of the copier. Just that quickly, she was on the machine.

She exhaled a nervous giggle, feeling the excitement flow through her body. Lyn watched as Terry turned and closed the door to the room, pushing in the lock on the handle at the same time.

Returning to the copier and Lyn, Terry slid his hands down her bare legs and slipped off her shoes, letting them fall to the floor. He pushed them aside with his own shoes and looked back at the legs dangling in front of him.

Terry’s hands touched the outside of Lyn’s knees, moving up until vanishing under her skirt. At first he suspected her of wearing no panties. His hands reached her waist before feeling the thin material of her thong.

By now, the little skirt was pushed up so that it barely covered her pussy. Lyn felt Terry’s fingers wrap around the thong and begin to pull. She lifted herself off the copier and the panties appeared from under the skirt.

He slid them down her legs and deposited them with her shoes. She wondered if he could see her shaking, because her entire body felt as if it were trembling. Lyn prayed she wouldn’t have to unbutton her blouse. She had a compelling urge to simply watch him take her.

For once, her prayers were answered. With her legs separated slightly, Terry moved forward and stood between them. Starting at the top, he worked his way down her blouse, opening it with ease. When he pulled it out of her skirt and undid the last button, it lay open, revealing a small, black bra.

The man’s hands were inside the blouse quickly. He felt the outside of her breasts, then moved his fingers to the nipples, which protruded under the soft material of the bra. Terry was pleased to see the front-opening clasp and unfastened it.

The bra opened, but lay across the bulk of the breasts, held in place partly by the erect nipples. Terry’s fingers released the bra and pushed it aside.

Lyn’s breasts were not the largest, not the fullest, not the firmest Terry had ever seen. But they were enticing and his hands felt their softness. It didn’t take long for his mouth to replace his hands. He licked and sucked until Lyn thought her nipples would explode. She felt the wetness between her legs increase and wished she could touch herself.

Lyn’s hand, instead, reached for and found Terry’s erection. Even through his pants she could feel the bulk of his cock. That caused the man to increase his attack on her breasts while, at the same time, lifting her skirt from under her ass.

Without saying a word, Terry unbuckled his belt, pulled down his zipper and let his pants fall to the floor in a heap. The bulge in his boxers excited Lyn. It was only a few seconds later that Terry had the cock out and the boxers at his feet.

Lyn wanted to put the large cock in her mouth, but she suspected that Terry had other plans for it. Her assumption proved correct when he put his hands at the base of her back and pulled her forward. She placed her hands behind her to steady herself and watched as the young man raised her skirt to her waist.

Her pussy waited anxiously for his touch. Lyn spread her legs wider apart and Terry inched forward. When his cock was within reach of her cunt, he put his hands under Lyn’s ass and raised her off the copier.

Terry’s cock twitched with anticipation. It pointed up to the ceiling, well above Lyn’s cunt.

“Put me inside you,” Terry said to Lyn.

She didn’t hesitate. Her hand eagerly touched him and positioned the cock at the entrance to her cunt. He lifted and pulled her toward him simultaneously. The tip of the cock disappeared inside Lyn.

A quick thrust and he was half inserted. Lyn moaned and rested her hands on the top of the copier once more. Another push and he was in deep enough to feel her thighs hit his legs.

Now he put the woman back down on the machine and leaned into her. Lyn leaned back.

“Relax and let me make you cum,” Terry said in a low voice.

Neither relaxing nor cumming seemed likely to Lyn. Her mind raced with memories and mixed feelings. It wasn’t until Terry began fucking her in earnest that she put herself back into the present.

Terry was driving into her with increased force. The sound of their skin hitting against each other could be heard above the whir of the copier. Occasional grunts and groans came from both participants.

Lyn thought back again. Would he slowly soften and fall from her, unfulfilled?

If she had let her mind concentrate on reality, she would have realized that this man was by no means dysfunctional. As Terry watched the woman’s breasts bounce with his thrusts, he came closer and closer to an orgasm. He lifted her by the ass again and found a better angle to enter her. Lyn cried out with pleasure as the hard cock slid across the inside of her vagina.