How to Seduce an Old Woman

I'm new to these "adult story" sites but I was attracted to this one.

Why? Simple. It's because I like to fuck old women and somebody told me about this site. I thought I might pick up a few tips, ideas. Who knows? Boy, was I wrong.

Now I'm not putting down the stories here. Some of them are pretty good, actually. But if these are supposed to be "true stories" I've got to tell you they aren't. Penthouse Magazine used to run "true stories" in their magazine (I don't know if they still do or not... I don't read it anymore -- no old women) and some of the true stories here are just about as believable. Let's face it: they're crap. They're just some guy's idea of what it would be like to put the pork to some grandma.

Well I'm here to tell you they're wrong. But I'm going to set you straight. I'm going to tell you the truth of how it works. The good, the bad and the ugly.

First of all, let me clarify a few things. It's important to have clarity. Maybe it's my salesman background (more on that later) -- I don't know. But just so there's no confusion, I want to let you know what I mean by "fucking an old woman."

I'm not talking about some 40-ish housewife who works out every day and looks like she's 25. I'm not even talking 60, 65. I'm talking old. 70, 75. I'm talking about an old woman with tree stump legs, droopy tits (big, though, I gotta have 'em big, but that's just me), grey hair, long skirts. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the old lady down the street whose husband died 10 years ago and just goes to the supermarket and maybe church on Sunday.

I do have SOME requirements, beyond that, however. I want them to be mobile. That means, they've got to be able to go from point A to point B on their own without a walker or wheel chair. Canes are okay. They've got to have both breasts. Good hair. That's important to me. If they don't shave their legs, well, that's a turn off to me. It suggests they may be lacking in, well, hygiene. I cross 'em off the list.

Does this sound cold? Calculating? Look, I'm not planning to start a family with the woman. I just want to seduce her then fuck her old cunt silly and maybe come back for more. Believe me, it works --if you do it right.

Okay, a little bit about me. And remember, I'm not telling you this because I'm an ego-maniac. I'm only telling you what you need to know if you want to get some vintage nookie.

Like I said, I'm a salesman. In my business, I keep track of my contacts, possible clients. I keep lists, rolodex files. And I stay in touch. Just because Fred or Sam doesn't buy from me today doesn't mean he won't buy from me tomorrow. This pays off. Sooner or later, I get the sale. Just staying in touch. Sending them a little card. Maybe a reminder of something they're interested in --movie, ballgame, investment opportunity. That way they see me as more than just a salesman. I'm somebody who's looking out for them.

It's really just a long, drawn out seduction. And that's my favorite part. That's also my problem with many of the stories about older woman sex in these stories.

Here's what I mean. Boys, the ladies you want to fuck (and especially old ladies) are not going to drop to their knees the minute they see your 9-inch slammer exposed while you're (pick one) in the shower, sleeping, sitting with your legs spread apart, etc., etc. It doesn't work that way -- except in some of the stories here.

NEWS FLASH! Boys and girls are different. Guys see an exposed tit and they're ready to do the horizontal mambo on the spot. Women don't work like that. You've got to win them, even if all you want is a quick fuck on the living room sofa (NOT recommended, by the way, especially with old women).

So be patient. That's lesson one. And keep good records. As a salesman, I know it's important to pre-qualify potential customers, weed out the ones who will never buy. It's important that you do the same thing with the next old woman you want to fuck. Here's a few tips to help you.

First of all, I'm not talking about the 60-ish gals who go to the American Legion dance on Saturday night. Don't get me wrong, this is Geriatric-Pussy City. It just isn't my style. I know guys who took a few dance lessons, then go to these dances about once a month, dance a little, go home with a gray-haired honey and play house for a week, then return to their own place. That's too much of a commitment for me, but if that's your style, go for it.

I'm not talking about that kind of action here. For record- keeping purposes, I look for two easily-identifiable types. The first is the widow. I like widows with all the attributes I mentioned earlier. Having their own house is nice, but not a requirement. An apartment is okay. Just make sure they don't have drop-in visits from neighbors and (especially) relatives. Believe me, they won't appreciate your sport.

The second type I target successfully are what I call virtual widows. These are old women whose husbands either travel a lot, golf or just flat disappear for long periods. It doesn't take long to determine that "grandma" is starving for attention and, with the proper care, you'll be pumping your jism on her floppy tits and she'll still be bitching about her old man ignoring her. Not like me. I care. Right.

What I care about is jamming my Johnson into her. And this is an important point. You see, it is the FUCK that is the goal of any serious old lady-fucker. Now this doesn't hold true for the 60ish gals, but women over 70 are a lot less likely to give (or even allow, in some cases) oral sex. Tit sucking, oh yeah, they like that. Finger fucking is okay. But many are predisposed (I'm convinced it has to do with the age they grew up in: sex was considered "dirty" which can be a turn on for them but they are still reluctant to get too "experimental") against oral sex.

The same with anal sex. Only once have I been able drive the hershey highway with grandma, but it was wonderful. (Floppy ass cheeks, grunting, sweating, tits waving back and forth while I pumped my cum into her -- but I digress)I will try again but you've got to be alert to clues. You'll know pretty quick if this is something they will go along with. In most cases, frankly, you don't want to. Let me explain.

I told you I was going to talk about the good, the bad AND the ugly. Okay, here's some of the ugly part. If you don't want to hear it, pass up this chapter. Here goes. Old women can be vicious farters. It seems the chubbier ones (damn!) are the worst. If things are going your way and you decide to take them doggy style, you might as well set up behind the exhaust of an F- 14 fighter, if you get my drift. So lesson 3 or 4 (I lost count)is use the good ol' missionary position. At least the first couple of times. They're comfortable with it and it lets you watch their old face turn angelic as your cum lubricates their elderly vaginas.

Permit me another digression here. Unlike in the stories we read, old women rarely scream out "I'M CUUMMMMM --- IINNNGGGG!" So don't get your heart set on it. Some of them like to talk dirty and some of them like to hear you talk dirty. Just make sure you know which one you got or you could leave the house holding your erect soldier and leaving the battlefield without firing a shot.

Personally, I find they like it when you call out their name. Best reaction comes from the line: "you've got the sweetest, softest pussy, Gladys." What old gal wouldn't like to hear that? None that I've found.

By the way, Gladys probably DOESN'T have the sweetest, softest pussy, so get ready for that. If she's been regularly using a vibrator or her finger or something else, she may be ready for you to fuck her when you're ready. But (again) unlike the stories, old women don't start creaming the minute they see your erect fuck pole. Some do, but don't count on it. I take along some KY Jelly when I'm expecting some action with a new partner and if I find putting my prick into her cunt is like jack hammering concrete, I use the jelly. I've never had anybody object or ask me why I brought it. It pays to be prepared (yeah, I was a boy scout too).

I'm 32 years old. That's a good age because you're old enough to be treated as an adult by the 70ish set and young enough to make the most of your conquest. By that I mean, I'm still able to get two ejaculations during one visit. (forgive me if I sound clinical but I'm just trying to be helpful). If possible, I try to get Gladys to jerk me off before I fuck her. I've got to get the fuck though. Everybody wants that. It's like watching a beautiful sunset to see my jism dripping off Gladys' double chins after I just tit fucked her. I like my first blast to make a statement but, like I said earlier, that's just me.

The point is, the gals LOVE it that you shoot it off for them. They understand that THEY are the reason your cum pump is so active. Some of them will have an orgasm right there (and, yeah, they still get orgasms and sometimes at the damndest times) or, if you've read them correctly, you might be able to get oral sex or even fuck them in the ass (following my precautions mentioned earlier). Or just wipe off their face and go for the good old missionary fuck.

I used to ask them "how do you want it?" which was a turn on for me but they didn't know how to answer and sometimes it scared them so I don't say that anymore. I just give it to them in the missionary position, like I said, at least the first couple of times.

Okay, you're probably wondering how I got this far. I'll tell you about a typical conquest (and that's what they are, nothing less. I'm just getting my rocks off and hopefully they are too. no commitments. no 'I love you's'. just fucking).

Janelle was almost striking for a 70 year-old. Almost too good looking for me but so neat in other ways (and so perfect) that I had to get her. She is married to a nice guy who goes on trips overseas. Hawaii, Europe, Mexico. He meets with a buddy and they bicycle (pretty good because he's over 70 too) and leaves her alone for long periods.

I spotted Janelle at a cocktail party my company threw last summer. She was there with her husband, a retired executive with the company. By the way he was ignoring her, I could tell she was getting little, ahem, attention at home. Call it a kind of radar. I introduced myself and found out a little about her. When her grandchildren were coming to town, how they decorated the house for Christmas, her favorite color. All I did was talk to her for about 20 minutes, reminded her of my name and (this is important) shook her hand warmly and looked her right in the eye. Then I left but made a note in my "old lady fuckbook." And I kept an eye on what was going on in her household -- from a distance.

Just before her grandkids were scheduled to come to town, I dropped her a note with some free tickets to the planetarium in town because she had mentioned her grandson liked telescopes. I sent it with a business card (with my phone number) to make sure she remembered me. Naturally, she called me to thank me. I found out hubby was out of town for two weeks and the grandkids were gone.

No, I didn't run over there. Remember what I said about patience? I did mention I lived alone and liked sweets. This was important and (because I've done this before) knew she would be getting in touch with me soon. Sure enough, she stopped by the office one day around lunchtime with some homemade coffee cake.

This was an important gesture. To me, the timing was more significant than the gift. I thanked her profusely and asked her if should would mind going to lunch with me. When she blushed, I knew she had thought of it beforehand. And that's when I knew I'd be parking in her garage before long. And I was.

I won't go into all the details here but it involved compliments on her appearance at lunch, frequent touching of her hand and arm, first subtly and then more obviously. And, oh yeah, lots of white wine. She liked chablis, I knew, because that's what she was drinking at the party. See how important it is to keep good notes?

Before long, inhibitions had disappeared, touching started from her end and I allowed her to invite me over (I needed to take her home because she was a little tipsy -- wasn't that wonderful?). Now I was at her house, she was half-drunk and friendly and she was thanking ME for doing her a favor of taking her home.

Timing is everything when you want to get laid. Once I was inside her house, I touched her flabby forearm and she stopped and turned to face me, eyes aglow. I pulled her to me and kissed her, gently at first, then I started tongue poking. She was reluctant, which I love, but agreeable and she finally closed her eyes and gave in to me completely. The seduction was complete.

I took her into her bedroom. It was important to me that I fuck her on the bed she occasionally shared with her absentee husband. She was really into kissing so I accommodated her while unbuttoning her blouse. She was a little nervous but when I told her how beautiful she was (words I'm sure she NEVER heard anymore) she was mine.

The rest was pretty typical. Blouse off. Bra off. Floppy tits (nice big nipples, as I recall), hike up the skirt, yank off the panties. Licking the thick thighs ( a little nervous, so I stopped), then I took off my shirt and pants, let my hardened cock spring out (I love seeing their eyes get big) and time to put it to her. She was good and moist, which surprised me. No jelly required. Still, I went slow and thought of the movie, Jaws, where Quinn described what a shark's eyes looked like as it bit into its victim. He said they roll back and sort of twirl around and around. That's what Janelle's eyes seemed to do as I slowly fucked her old cunt and managed to cum just as she did. Then I kissed her some more, licked those find old floppy tits and left.

Now she's in my harem. That's what I call it. I would never say it to her (or any of my other "girls"). I'll send her a note about something and "manage" to meet her for lunch as hubby's out of town. She got more adventurous over time and eventually I started tongue fucking her cunt and titty fucking her malleable breasts. She would talk about Henry never doing this or doing that and, reading her, I would say "Does Henry fuck like this Janelle?" as my cum spurted into her old cunt or splattered on her tits and she would cum with this adorable little shudder.

Hmm, I was writing this strictly for instructional purposes but now I'm thinking it may be time to send Janelle another note. Okay, I'm getting a little worked up. She's got a tiny ass but, you know, I might be able to fuck it. Should I take a chance? Would you?