WARNING: This article contains immoral comment about sex.
Gareth White became old one night not long after his sixty-third birthday. The only surprise was it came on him so suddenly. His back was stiff when he sat up in bed but lower down he wasn't stiff and that was a little unusual. There was a pain in his left shoulder, just a touch.
Swinging around Gareth planted his feet on the floor and felt his lower back protest and he eased up, but when standing pulled his hand off the dresser in shock. Why had he levered up? God, the only time he could remember doing that was during a severe bout of 'flu, some five years back when he also lost eighteen pounds of weight to sweat, although that had piled back on plus a few pounds more, making most of his shorts and trousers a size too small.
And during the night when Eva had pushed her tits into him and draped a leg over his ankle, a sure sign she was available, and what had been his response? Gareth's head drooped in shame. He'd muttered, "I'm a bit tired dear."
God he was losing it!
Buddies over beers after golf had sometimes talked about it. Comments such as, 'Tommy has lost his great swing to arthritis' and 'Chas's wife told my wife Chas is taking stuff to maintain his erection'. God everyone had laughed at that one, laughed nervously. Then everyone else had shifted in their chairs when Tremain said he was having trouble getting out of bed in the morning and the foul comments about what Elizabeth was doing to him flew around the table and Gareth's contribution had been Tremain should hire a nurse with big tits to help him rise.
Everyone including Tremain had howled with laughter and that ended that topic, conversation turning to the hatchet-faced woman just hired as assistant starter. Ian said younger women with great teeth and awesome tits didn't work at golf clubs anymore if they were computer savvy or married for the second time to an older guy with money. They all knew that to be true. Then Tremain wiped away all smiles when he nodded and said, "All of us is gradually been overtaken by old age."
That kind of talk had softened Gareth to be gradually overtaken by old age. But the reality was it had seized him overnight.
Gareth padded off for a pee and was relieved it came out in a stream with good pressure. He left the bathroom but returned when Eva called, "You left the seat up." God, women were on your case twenty-five hours a day. Yeah right, twenty-five hours... women always pushed that extra bit.
In the kitchen Gareth realized that shoulder twinge had gone. He took a couple of practice golf swings and felt the fluidity of his back working like well oiled machinery. Hell perhaps it was all to do with testosterone overload. Perhaps he should dive back into bed and reduce his reserve of semen. He grinned, feeling better and gave The Old Man an affectionate pat. Well that's what Eva had dubbed it not longer after they'd met and she'd seen it slack and noticed the wrinkles. Perhaps he should ask her to rename it? No before doing that she'd have to be told why and he wouldn't get away with it if he lied.
Gareth wondered where Eva's herbal tea was and after scratching around in cupboards found it where he remembered where it always was – beside the coffee. Although relieved he decided to run a small test: "What did you do yesterday Dickhead?"
For a moment he almost panicked and then the pictures of yesterday began running through his mind. Oh yes, he was at Al's Service Center and received the bill – almost one hundred and fifty fucking dollars. He was ready to tear the place apart. The frightened cashier called the manager who took Gareth aside and said if he ever behaved like that again Gareth would be banned from the premises. Gareth was so humiliated and upset he thoughtlessly attempted to drive away in the wrong car but the understanding manager stopped him at the exit said it was a genuine mistake because that car was white although two models earlier than Gareth's with at least sixty thou more miles on the clock.
"Perhaps it might be best if Mrs White brings your car in for its next service Gareth?"
Gareth felt like thumping the smart-ass but when the manager looked as if he were wishing Gareth would take a swing at him Gareth smiled and said, "Good idea Bert; could provide you with a safer work environment."
The younger man laughed and said he'd see him in the clubhouse after golf on Wednesday.
At the supermarket Gareth smiled and chatted to Beryl and Della. He remembered clearly hammering them both in the guest room at Della's house during a New Year's Eve party almost ten years ago. They'd been near-drunk and he was on antibiotics for a hair follicle problem under his left arm so was not drinking alcohol and he'd had an amazing time. He'd gone to school with them. As usual Della said straight-faced as she always did when meeting him, "Are you coming to my New Year's Ever party this year Gareth?"
Beryl whose husband is a clergyman turned hugely pink. Della winked at her and Gareth grinned and the three rocked into laughter so loud mothers with small children near them in the supermarket hurried away. "I'll never forget that night," Beryl said. "I did things I'd never done before – or since."
Gareth said on the edge of the bed and had his coffee while Eva sipped chamomile tea.
"You turned me down during the night," she said wistfully. "That must be a first. Are you getting old?"
Gareth was aghast. "Who me? Watch you lip woman otherwise you'll be drilled."
"Oooh, jump in," Eva said, throwing back the bedding. Gareth experienced no problem because he's been thinking about that New Year's Eve party.
"Oooh, have you been on the Internet?" Eva cooed. "You are very big."
Gareth was in the garage putting oil into the ride-on mower when Eva found him.
"Are you going to do the lawns?"
"Prawn for lunch, oh great."
Eva said patiently she'd said lawns, not prawns, but if he wanted prawns she'd get some.
"No, I often get a stomach upset after eating them. A nice piece of fish would be better."
"Very well, you are becoming deaf as well as forgetful. You did the lawns on Thursday."
"What's today?"
"Saturday."
"Um I'm only performing maintenance."
"Don't lie to me Gareth White. But thanks for that lovely bout of maintenance your gave me this morning."
"Shhhh. The neighbors will hear."
"They are even deafer than you are dear. Besides, it's not an illegal activity."
Gareth's back felt fine when he went to rise next morning but shoulder pain was nagging him. He got out of bed gingerly, pleased he didn't have to lever himself up. Then a violent pain stuck.
"Eva!" Gareth yelled. "Oh fuck, oh fuck."
"Oh god, are you having a heart attack?"
"Cramp," groaned Gareth through clenched teeth.
Eva knelt in front of him, brushed his hand away and began massaging to increase circulation.
"The knottiness is going."
"Keep going, it might come back."
"Don't be a baby."
Gareth believed that deserved retaliation. "Your tits sag these days."
"It's a sign of my times Gareth. I bet Della Michael's hang around her knees."
"Why pick on Della?"
"I wonder why Gareth?"
Almost speechless Gareth muttered thanks and Eva walked off. He heard her pee into the toilet in a healthy stream. Well she was young compared with him; she'd only turned sixty a couple of months ago.
Over breakfast Gareth became wary when Eva said, "I was upset when you said my tits sag. It wasn't a kind comment."
"Sorry doll. The pain of cramp had been driving me nuts. I saw them hanging down and I must have lashed out. Yet you were performing like my favorite nurse. Come sit on my knee."
"Oooh, we haven't had sex in the kitchen for a couple of years. I wonder if Beryl James gets it in the kitchen."
"Who?"
"My Bridge partner, Beryl James. You went to school with her and Della."
"Oh yeah. Those two have remained close buddies," Gareth said nervously. Was Eve working up to say she knew about him being with those two all those years ago? Er, five years ago. Er ten years ago.
"I must invite Beryl and Della over one evening for cards. You could wait on us."
"Wait on you?"
"Yes, serve us drinks and nibbles. What were you thinking?"
"I was wondering if I'd be in that night."
Eva laughed and said he was such a tease. "You don't know what night will suit us."
"Um get them to bring their husbands. I wouldn't be any use with just a bunch of women."
"You'd be fine Gareth. Just the women I think."
Gareth knew Eva wouldn't expect him to take on three women. Perhaps she intended shooting the visitors and him?
