I like to think I'm a smart cookie β and I am, usually. Like anybody else, though, I have my moments. You know them when you get them. Most times its something stupid, like locking your keys in the car, but the big ones are memorable.
About a month ago, my girlfriend Robin was having a poker party. She joked before that there wasn't any point to inviting me because I clean up most nights, and it's true; I am a pretty good poker player. Even though the highest stakes are a buck, I usually win back enough for lunch the next day.
When I got to here place that night there was a collective groan and cries of "Not her again!" and "Okay, I'm out!" but it was all in good humor. There was a game going on already, but I wasn't fired up yet. I looked for Robin, and she was in the kitchen mixing up margaritas.
"Hey girlfriend!" I said. It had been about a month since we last got together, but it's always fun seeing her. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and leaned back against the stove. "Whatcha been up to?" I asked.
"Same old shit," she said. "I had to drop over $400 for brake work last week. Boy, that hurt."
"I'll bet," I said. "At least the car's paid for."
"Yeah, it could have been worse." She shut off the blender and I handed her the pitcher. "Thanks. So, you feeling pretty good about tonight?"
"Of course," I said.
"Well, I gotta tell you, I've been practising."
"Oh yeah?" We walked into the dining room β Robin with the pitcher, me with my beer and a margarita glass β "Well, I gotta tell you that I'm feeling mighty lucky tonight. So you've been warned."
She gave me that "you're such a bitch" look, and we took our seats.
Four hours later I was up pretty big, and by then most people had gone home. There was only four people left. Me, Robin, and two guys named Mike and Steve, who I see around sometimes. Robin was dragging pretty bad by that point, but the other guys were obviously not willing to let a chick take off with their money. After I'd won another hand, Robin said, "That's it, I'm out." She pushed her chair back and yawned. "I keep saying it, but this time I mean it: I'm not inviting you to one of these things again."
"You going to bed?" I asked
"Yeah."
I started sweeping my money into my little Tupperware bowl, before Steve said, "Hey, you're not taking off yet, are you?"
"Come one," said Steve. "Give us a chance to get our money back."
"Guys, you had chances all night," I said. "Besides, Robin's going to bed."
"Nah, if you guys want to stick around, go ahead. Lock the door on your way out."
"Yeah, see?" Mike said. "C'mon, one more game."
Robin just waved, and disappeared up the stairs. "Okay," I told them. "One more game." I grabbed the cards, and shuffled them, and Steve said, "How about double or nothing?"
"You're kidding, right?"
"How about strip poker?" Steve said.
"Yeah, right!" I laughed. "I wouldn't want to embarrass you guys."
"So what have you got to lose?"
Steve was just glaring at me β I could tell he really wanted to not get beaten by a woman. It felt like he was daring me, seeing if I was going to chicken out. "Whatever," I said.
"Fine. I guess if you can't handle the pressure β¦"
"I've been beating your ass all night," I said. "What makes you think this'll get any better?"
"I'm getting my second wind."
I thought about it for a while, then said, "Okay then. I'll play your little game, but the rule is, no stupid little stuff like rings, or shoes. When I win you boys get right down to the skivvies."
"Fair enough," Steve said. Mike nodded.
As I was dealing, I admit, I was a bit nervous. It didn't seem realistic that I'd actually lose, though, but I ended up with a really crappy hand, so I had to bluff it all the way through. After a few rounds of upping, Steve tossed his cards in. "I don't have shit."
"You know the rules," I said, smugly.
"You gotta do it, dude," Mike told him.
"Motherfucker," Steve laughed. He took off his shirt and jeans and sat back down at the table. "Dude," I bet she's bluffing," he told Mike.
"Man, you want me to call when you just got your ass beat."
"Trust me, she's bluffing."
"Maybe I am," I told Mike. "Maybe I'm not."
Mike thought for a minute, then said, "Fuck it. I call." He put down two pair.