He keeps saying that it can't happen again.
Every time, as soon as his afterglow wears off, the guilt and self-loathing kicks in and he spits out those words that always make me smile. He is so adorable, trying to fight this like either one of us has a choice. I keep telling him that this is bigger than both of us, and he would be much happier if he would just give in. Give in to his fate...the way that I did the very instant that I saw him.
What's ironic is that he is the one who picked me up, not the other way around. I had never known such a world could exist until the day that I met him.
I had been at the local coffee shop that day six months ago, finding myself with a rare afternoon off from both work and class. I had been taking some extra art and writing courses at the university for a few months, trying to find a new reason to be. The past year had left me minus one husband and doing some serious soul-searching. I hadn't taken any classes since I'd graduated with a BA almost eight years ago, but I found that it all came back quickly when you were doing something that you loved.
Finding myself alone for the first time in many years, I finally gave in to my need for companionship and extra cash by taking in a roommate in my small two bedroom apartment. Since I lived within walking distance of the school, my roommate was a sweet pre-med student named Stacy. She was still an undergrad, so there was a bit of a gap in our ages, but we got along great. She was very dedicated to her schooling, so there were never any loud parties or inconsiderate late night callers when I had to work 40 plus hours a week. Stacy was actually the one who suggested that I take a few night courses when she noticed how burned out and lifeless I was beginning to look. It sounds strange, but it really did give me a fun break from reality and a reminder of how much I once loved to create things.
So, where was I? Back to the coffee shop, on that rainy afternoon in April. I was off work early, class had been cancelled due to a professor's family emergency, and I was left alone to my own devices when it was still daylight! It figures that it was raining cats and dogs though, because I normally would have gone for a walk in the park. This day, however, found me camped out in an oversized easychair with a copy of my favorite book, nursing a Snickers latte. If anyone had asked me at that moment, I would have said that life couldn't get much better. Of course, I would have been wrong.
At the sound of the bell over the door jingling, I glanced up to see a vision that took my breath away. A man had entered, seeking shelter from the rain more than coffee by the looks of it, and he was tastier than my latte. Now, tasty to me may be something different than many other people would agree with. I don't like young pretty boys...well, not really. They are fun to look at sometimes, but there just isn't anything else there for me. I need character in a face, some rugged features and a few laugh lines, something that shows me you know how to enjoy life. I did my time with a young pretty boy already, and I was discovering quickly that the exact opposite was now a sure thing to get me hot.
So here was this vision of rugged masculinity, standing in the door and brushing rain off what appeared to be a lovely suit. He had hair that couldn't decide if it wanted to be light brown or red, thinning and peppered with silver, and the brightest set of green eyes I had ever seen. I sat there watching him trying to compose himself from beneath my lashes, not wanting to be seen checking out the goods. Ever since my divorce, I had become an avid observer of older men, but I had yet to work up the nerve to approach any of them.
I watched as he ordered a coffee, then began to scope out a place to squat and wait out the worst of the storm. When his eyes began to gravitate in my direction, I quickly glanced back down to my book and feigned interest.
"Is anyone sitting here?" I heard a smooth, velvety voice ask from above me. When I looked up, he was smiling and gesturing to the big chair next to me.
"Um...no, " I stammered. God, he was even sexier up close. I could feel my nerves jumping at his proximity, and the smell of his cologne was making me drunk. Burberry Touch had always been my favorite, what a strange coincidence that this man chose the same.
As he sat down and got settled, I tried to start reading again, but all I could do was sneak glances from the corner of my eye. He had broad shoulders and a nice physique, and long graceful legs. Most people don't think about men's legs being graceful, but his were. I was becoming distracted to the point of embarrassment, so I was just about to pack it up and leave when he spoke to me again.
"Coming down pretty hard out there, huh?" His voice was so fucking sexy. I couldn't believe how drawn I was to this man.
"Yeah, looks like it's getting worse." I nervously replied. I was great at observations...not so much at interaction. When I glanced over at him, I noticed that he was looking directly at me this time. "I was going to take a walk in the park, but you can see how far that got me."
"I know, I got in town early and had hoped to shop around a bit for a gift, but here I am," he said with a smile. "I didn't want to go back to the hotel yet, in case it lets up soon." He had a pleasant personality, which made it very easy to open up to him. We carried on our light conversation as we sipped at our drinks, and I found myself asking if he was just visiting, since he'd mentioned a hotel.
"Yes, my daughter is going to school here, and I haven't ever had the chance to visit her. I work a lot, and now that I finally have some vacation time I thought I would take her out to dinner, maybe bring her a small gift." If this man had a daughter in college, he had to at least be in his forties, maybe older. Most people would be a little put off by that at twenty-nine, but most people weren't sitting here smelling him and getting wet. The fact that he was older just made him even sexier to me.
I noticed that he kept looking at me as he spoke, and I wondered if I was being too obvious in my reactions to him. As much as he was getting to me, he seemed like a very sweet man and I didn't want to scare him off from a nice conversation. But right as I caught his gaze, I noticed a deep, smoky look that hadn't been there a moment ago. His bright jade eyes were almost glowing with warmth now, and his smile had a secretive look to it. I tried not to read too much into it, sure that I was just projecting my own thoughts on to him.
Noticing that our coffee was long gone, I was hesitant to let our brief exchange end. Just being near this man made me feel sexier than I had in years. He was so attentive and easy to talk to, but his eyes said that there was something more going on here. What could I do to extend our fun afternoon, even if only for a little while? Knowing that I would never see this man again was making me a little desperate.
"What kind of gift were you shopping for?" I pried.
"Well, just a thoughtful little something to let her know I was thinking of her. I wanted to get her something unique, but I obviously waited too long. I don't know this area well, and that damn rain has got it out for me," he finished with a grimace.
